Saturday, March 1, 2014
It Was the Longest 28 Days in History
Now that Black History Month is finally almost over, everybody’s wondering when it’ll be “White History Month.”
Probably never, since we now have to pander to all those other minority groups. For example, March is now officially One-Eyed Hunchback Lithuanian Lesbians History Month. WLW Hate Radio trash talker Bill Cunningham says, “Now that February is over, maybe we can use the word ‘niggardly’ again without being called racists.”
And with this year’s Black History Month (now called Half-Black History Month in honor of the current resident at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) only 28 days long, several Black Guys still didn’t get their “profiles” in The Fishwrap. To deserving darkies like Nate “Rhymes with Hate” Livingston, “Buckwheat” Blackwell, and Ken “Mad Dawg” Lawson, Metro Mole says one of Skaggie Maggie’s minions is now writing his sincerest apologies.
However all month at the end of every aisle at Kroger grocery store, you saw a photograph and biography of a black person. In Hyde Park, these were the only black people inside the entire store.
Even The Blower ran out of days this month and couldn’t run a Black History Month Racial Healing Profile for That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch’s eviler twin sister Jennifer Black.
Being Politically Correct means always having to say you’re sorry, according to all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and who would rather ride to downtown Cincinnati on a bus and stand in line for three hours to vote, than mail in absentee ballots.
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET wonders which local judge is supporting the illicit needle exchange. (also known as a Needle Dispensary)- BASHING BLUE ASH: It was apparent to all who attended Thursday night’s Blue Ash City Clowncil meeting that Clowncilman Rick Bryan and his Clowncil Comrades remain proud of themselves for removing a service animal from a disabled child. Not even the national embarrassment the city has suffered shook them from their narrow-minded position. They said they weren’t going to discuss it at the meeting due to the case being in federal court, but it didn’t stop Clowncilman Bryan from discussing it on the radio earlier in the day.
This growing scandal has inspired Republicans for Higher Taxes to select the Rick Bryan for State Representative Campaign Theme Song. We think you’ll like it.
WHISTLEBLOWER INTERNS RACHEL, BRADLEY, ASHLEY, AND HUNTER say it really didn’t matter if somebody forgot to change the page on that free calendar we got from the Hibachi Grille and Buffet, since this month the dates on the days of the week are the same as in February.- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1932 the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped. Just think how many TV press conferences Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters could’ve called on that case.
FUNDRAISING ALERT: You probably didn’t get much work done yesterday if you looked in your inbox, especially if you opened any “last chance” fundraising e-mails from all those sleazy politicians. Obama’s Venal Vice President Joe Biden said, “This is our last chance to elect a Congress that will work with Barack — if we don’t get this right, we won’t get another opportunity. You can make sure we have what we need to win. Chip in $10 or more before the deadline at midnight.” Obama’s Organizing for Action Scam wanted $5 to help put 1,751 progressive organizers on the streets this spring. The DemocRAT National Committee only needed 3,463 $10 donations before midnight, and DemocRAT National Committee Finance Director Jordan Kaplan wanted $10 or more before midnight to help reach 55,000 donations in February. Alison Wondergams Grimes said, “Donate now and help us hit our highest online fundraising goal to date. Just $5 can make a big difference.” And Disgraced Former Pant-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton forgot to ask for cash when he begged people to join the D-RATS so called “Voter Expansion Project.”
Representing the Rapacious Republicans, Ohio GOP Governor Kasich-Taylor said, “Midnight tonight is the deadline for our critical February fundraising deadline. Your $25, $50, $100 or more contribution will help us fight the attacks that the DemocRATS and their allies are throwing at us every day, as well as pay for the critical grassroots programs that we’ll need to win this year.” Senator Rob “Fighting for Fairness” Portman was hoping you could chip-in $25, $50, or $100 to support our his efforts to make Ohio a same-sex marriage state. And Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine’s Finance Director Tod Bowen said, “Please contribute $250, $100, $25 or whatever you can today, because it was the last chance to have your financial donation count toward their February fundraising goal.
Meanwhile, Mercenary Attorneys at COAST said, “Paid members have a voice in COAST and its many activities including campaign and social events.”
TROUBLE-MAKING TATTLER TINO DELGATO says local Republicans have yet to be blasted by an e-mail fundraising campaign to raise money for the Hamilton County RINO Party’s wet dream to bring the 2016 Republican National Committee to the Queen City. Tino thinks the Republican Convention or for that matter most any convention would be good for Cincinnati AND Northern Kentucky, but there seems to be some concern about the condition of the 40 year old US Bank Arena. But NKU has a brand new arena facility just five minutes away which will be ignored. This convention could energize the new hotels proposed on both sides of the river along with continued progress on The Banks. My guess is they can find some archived Nick Vehr proposals for the 2012 Olympics to use. And finally some use for the new Trolley and Mahogany’s. I suspect some city that had the foresight to put a retractable roof on their stadium will get this convention. Indianapolis did that and has gotten a Super Bowl and a Final Four while Cincinnati got the Choir games, Go Figure!!!
THE FOIBLES OF FRED: Two years ago in The Blower’s March 2, 2012 E-dition, when DemocRAT Ohio First District Congressional Candidate Fred Kundrata was running as a Republican Congressional Candidate in Ohio’s Second District, Flim-Flamming Flyboy Fred was featured in a Top Ten List of the reasons he was recruited to get into the race and attack “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s war hero opponent Brad Wenstrup. Those reasons were:
10. I forgot
9. The dog ate it
8. She told me she loved me
7. I did it to help the homeless
6. The Devil made me do it
5. I just wanted to be loved–is there anything wrong with that?
4. I’m a pilot
3. I was framed
2. This whole thing is just one big terrible mistake
…and the Number One Reason Ohio Second District Congressional Candidate Fred Kundrata was recruited to get into the race and attack “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s war hero opponent Brad Wenstrup was… the guys at the “Mean Jean’s” Office said nobody would ever find out.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says, Mardi Gras 2014 doesn’t officially arrive until Fat Tuesday on March 4, but bartenders on Mainstrasse jumped the gun with their Mardi Gras Celebration in the huge MainStrasse Village Entertainment Tent. Cajun food booths opened at 8 p.m., music began following the parade, while baubles, bangles and beads were available at MainStrasse Village businesses and at the Goose Girl Fountain and Mardi Gras Entertainment Tent. And in the truest spirit of Mardi Gras, bars on Mainstrasse in Covington were offering women free drinks just for showing their beautiful big breasts.
Also, even if same-sex marriages in other states will now be recognized in Kentucky, a spokesman for the Diocese in Covington says those pansy perverts are still going straight to hell.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane told Political Insiders now that Black History Month is over, it’s OK to speak of the Return of the White Death, because local Weather Guessers are predicting total devastation of Biblical Proportions to the entire Tri-State Area, especially area around the Creation Museum in Northern Kentucky, although we don’t think their new Ark will be finished in time. Steve Raleigh says it could even worse than when those Texas Trollops invaded the area last week. Kane advised everybody not to forget to put a piece of duck tape across the bottom of their TV screens, unless they want to watch all the school closing announcements Sunday night.
In Anderson, Trustee Gerth Pappas said, “The Township isn’t worried about running out of salt this weekend, since all the roads in the upscale part of the township are heated.” Which is probably why our Quote for Today Committee chose Steven Brust’s “Minneapolis has two seasons: Snow Removal and Road Repair.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Guys at Mardi Gras.
From Cropper’s Crapper
This week, GOP House Squeaker John Boehner says he had a “healthy” conversation about Amnesty for Illegal Future DemocRAT Voters.
POLITICAL PROMISES HOT LINE
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MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS
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Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
“Gripe” by James Jay Schifrin
Last week, I got another irate phone call from Commissioner Swindle in Patronage County.
“Why do you always gripe about the way politicians steal taxpayers’ money,” he asked. “Gripe, gripe, gripe—all you ever do is gripe!”
I guess it’s like my old daddy always said, “If at first you don’t succeed, gripe, gripe, again.”
Maybe I do gripe a lot. But griping is a fundamental freedom guaranteed in the Bill of Rights. Throughout our nation’s history, griping has been as fundamental as baseball, apple pie, hot dogs, and Toyotas.
When Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, he affirmed that people are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of griping.
In the midst of naval battle, John Paul Jones swore, “I have not yet begun to gripe.”
Nathan Hale regretted that he had but one gripe to give for his country.
Patrick Henry agreed when he shouted, “Give me liberty, or I’ll gripe.”
Abraham Lincoln griped all the way to Gettysburg. Reading from the back of an envelope, the old railsplitter predicted, “Griping of the people, by the people, and for the people will not perish from this earth.”
Teddy Roosevelt said, “Walk softly, but carry a big gripe.”
Calvin Coolidge said, “I choose not to gripe.”
General MacArthur said,” Old soldiers never die, they just gripe.”
At his inauguration, John Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but how much you can gripe about what your country can do for you.”
Neil Armstrong, setting foot on the moon, said, “One small step for man, one giant gripe for mankind.”
Avis became number two by griping harder.
And don’t you just love it when every bank teller and sales clerk tells you to “have a nice gripe?”
To gripe or not to gripe—that is the question. These are the times that gripe men’s souls. What this country needs is a good five-cent gripe! United we gripe, divided we fall.
So the next time you see something wrong, like politicians stealing your money, just don’t sit there—gripe.
This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press on February 25, 1981.
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