Sunday, August 12, 2012
The Blower’s Week in Review
- OUR NUMBER ONE STORY THIS WEEK was when Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney picked Congressman Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate. Now let’s all watch his full speech at his vice presidential announcement:
- OUR NUMBER TWO STORY THIS WEEK is this Disgraceful DemocRAT ad depicting Paul Ryan pushing an elderly woman over a cliff in her wheelchair. Bernard Goldberg says, “Obama and his political hit men are engaged in one of the dirtiest campaigns in recent American history – a campaign where decency is no virtue and moral atrocities are no vice,” so The Blower said you shouldn’t be surprised to see more attacks on Paul Ryan that will make “Granny Over a Cliff” look awfully tame by comparison.
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE STORY THIS WEEK was when everybody who’s enjoyed watching Mitt Romney milk his Vice Presidential Selection Story e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner just happened to be Terrace Park resident Robert Jones Portman, known as “Throb” Portman in the Bush White House, who now wonders if he’s been too subtle about wanting to be the GOP Vice Presidential Candidate for the past four years, ever since he fought back the tears when he was forced to introduce Sarah Palin in Lebanon.
Rob won an “I Really Didn’t Want To Be Vice President Anyhow” T-shirt, an endless number of “How do you feel?” interviews by all those anchorbimbos on TV, and the steadfast support of The Whistleblower, just like in one of Rob’s favorite photographs showing Charles Foster Kane supporting The Robster’s Opponent, that many say he personally chose to run against him. His winning limerick is:
Who’ll be Mitt Romney’s Vice Presidential selection, Is the reason I’m suffering such dejection. They say I’m too boring, Folks just can’t stop snoring, Soon I’ll learn the real meaning of “rejection.”
MONDAY in our Official “Earth-shattering Kaboom” E-dition, The Blower asked if Enola would be Gay on Hiroshima Day:
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1945, the US dropped its first atomic bomb called “Little Boy” on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. On August 9, the US dropped its second atomic bomb called “Fat Man” on the Japanese city of Nagasaki. Less than a week later on August 15, the allied nations celebrated VJ Day, and on September 2, Japan signed an unconditional surrender.
Does dropping atomic bombs on innocent civilians work? It would certainly seem so. Unfortunately, on October 24, 1945 the United Nations was born, and war has been no fun since.
Remember when Obama led from behind in Libya and our Fund-raiser-in-Chief told congressional leaders that the “kinetic activity” (fighting) we were getting into would only be a matter of “days, not weeks?” How’d that thing in Libya turn out, anyhow? The Moslem Brotherhood got the Gold Medal on that one.
Which is probably why our Quote for Today Committee remembered something Ronald Reagan said during a radio microphone test in 1984: “My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.” Did that ever scare the crap out of the Liberals or what!
[READ MORE HERE]
TUESDAY in our Special “Curiosity Pictures from Mars” E-dition, The Blower asked when will they show us Uranus and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
Yesterday to commemorate Hiroshima, we forgot to mention how our campaign is doing. —Obama Fund-raisers
Speaking of bombing, how about our big Chick-Fil-A Kiss-in Protest that laid an egg last Friday? —Sodomy Rites Activists, still trying to claim a majority of Americans approve of Gay Marriage
Thanks to all those Kneepad Liberals in the Press, we got more publicity last week than all the Olympic Sponsors combined, and ours was all free. —Chick-Fil-A, laughing all the way to the bank
Thousands of beachgoers were told to stay away from a popular 234-acre state park on Monday so Obama could hold a $38,500-per-person fundraiser for Hollywood celebrities nearby. —Pissed Off People on Vacation in Connecticut
Now does everybody see how our 24/7 coverage of DemocRAT Senate Mis-Leader Harry Reid’s lies about Mitt Romney’s taxes approved by the White House makes it easy for us to avoid reporting on Obama’s failed fiscal policies? —Obama Supporters in the Press
[READ MORE HERE]
WEDNESDAY in our Special “Bad News Bearers” E-dition, The Blower said, “And the hits just keep on coming!”
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama’s re-election campaign hasn’t been going so well lately. India is blaming Obama for the Sikh shooting massacre, the White House had to distance itself from Harry Reid’s lies, Romney keeps raising more money, the DNC is worried about all those empty seats at Obama’s convention, even with Jimmy Carter’s video address. Gasoline prices are going back up, and his support for gay marriage was publicly repudiated at Chick-Fil-A.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1974 Republican President Richard Nixon resigned in disgrace, but since Obama has no shame and this Congress has no balls, the best we can do in 2012 is to wait for “89” more days and vote Obama out of office.
Not to worry, say our Obama Supporters in the Press. Their bogus polls show Obama’s going to be reelected by a landslide. No kidding.
Our Quote for Today Committee chose Nixon’s “Well, I am not a crook. I’ve earned everything I’ve got.” But The Blower says Obama’s “You didn’t build that” fits the situation, too.
[READ MORE HERE]
THURSDAY, in our Special “Disgusting Distractions” E-dition, The Blower said, “You know it’s bad when even the libs on PMSNBC can’t hide their disgust!”:
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says yesterday’s “Distraction of the Day” from the Obama campaign was that lying ad that accused Romney of letting a woman die of cancer. You can’t get much more despicable than that. The “Rumor of the Day” was that Obama’s CIA Director General David Petraeus would be Romney’s VP pick. The “Words of the Day” were “Romney Hood” (because Obama claims Romney wants to steal from the poor and give to the rich) and “Obamaloney” (because Obama is full of baloney). The “Left-Wing Lunatic of the Day” was singer Harry Belafonte, who said “Electing Mitt Romney could lead to the ‘End of Civilization.’” Obama’s still sealed college records at Columbia were the “Scandal of the Day.” Obama’s “Blame of the Day” was that Congress and state and local governments were responsible for 14.1% Black Unemployment. The “Bumper Sticker of the Day” said “Buck Ofama.” And Obama’s latest fund-raising scam asked Obamabots to send in another three dollars, this time for a chance to meet basketball legend Michael Jordan. It must be getting harder every day to appeal to all those Dumbed-down Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Short-Attention-Span Undecided Voters.
[READ MORE HERE]
FRIDAY in our Special “More Marvelous Muckraking” E-dition, The Blower explained how it all began:
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was not surprised when several Political Insiders asked about The Blower’s latest exclusive report, featuring that vile-and-disgusting YouTube Video our Feckless Fishwrappers have been ignoring. Kane was surprised, however, when one of our more recent Political Insiders in attendance asked about the first time our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher “Blew the Whistle” on a really deserving public official.
Hurley the Historian was ready with a full report, because every day for almost the past twenty years, The Whistleblower Newswire has been turning over rocks and shining the light of truth underneath so you could see the vermin squirming.
But that wasn’t the beginning. A decade before that, when Ronald Reagan was running for president, Kane did media advance work for The Gipper during the early primaries. Later on that year, Kane exposed then GOP Hamilton County Commissioner Norman Murdock for operating an illegal Republican group out of the courthouse.
Thirty-two years ago today, a picture of the check from Stormin’ Norman’s “Committee to Elect Republicans” bearing the Hamilton County Courthouse address of “1000 Main Street” on the front-page of the Sunday paper on August 10, 1980, and legendary political reporter Bob Weston’s award-winning expose (“Republican Group Alleged to Work from County Office”) was just the beginning.
Later that year as the Murdock scandal fomented, Jim Borgman piled on by publishing some Pulitzer-Prize-winning editorial cartoons lampooning Murdock, like that classic one showing the disgraced Commissioner as a sleazy used car salesman with the caption asking, “Hey, have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?”
Kane followed with weekly satirical op-ed pieces for several years in the very Conservative, then very much respected Mt. Washington Press, detailing the goings-on in the mythical “Patronage County,” where Commissioners Pilfer, Filch, and Swindle held sway. You’ll never guess how many people thought “Stormin’ Norman” was Commissioner Swindle.
\No wonder Murdock’s wet dreams of being Ohio’s governor evaporated.
Finally, another one of the Political Insiders asked Kane why he enjoyed “Muckraking” and ruining the careers of courthouse crooks and cronies for all those years, and the Chairman of our Quote for Today Committee said that reminded him of the story about the prison warden who was retiring, and a reporter asked how he felt about holding the record for executions, and the warden said, “I guess I just like working with people.”
[READ MORE HERE]
SATURDAY in our Special “ Desperate and Deceitful ” E-dition, The Blower predicted 86 more days of dishonesty from the Obama Campaign:
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says today, everybody’s watching to see if Obama’s re-election campaign is still running that lying CancerGate TV ad accusing Romney of letting a woman die of cancer. Let’s see—they’ve called Romney a “Felon.” They’ve called Romney a “tax cheat.” They claim he hates women, and dogs. And now he’s a “Murderer.”
But Obama’s Sleazy Slander has merely begun, because we have another “86” days until Election Day to suffer even more lies from the Obama White House and Re-election Campaign and only the daily dishonesty of our Obama Supporters in the Press will allow it to continue. After all, why would anyone expect Obama’s campaign to be run any different from the rest of his life.
Let’s face it, these Liberal Liars have no shame. Pat Buchanan says, “Obama has steadily diminished both himself and the office he holds,” and Michelle Malkin says the “Real Murderers” are the “Job Killers in the White House.” American Crossroads: calls it a “Cancer within the cloak of the presidency.”
Meanwhile, according to Bellwether Blogger Bill Sloat, The Onion is reporting a new Obama Campaign ad alleges Romney Murdered JonBenét Ramsey.” [READ MORE HERE]
Your mission, Mr. Phelps, should you wish to accept it, is to find anything this campaign says that’s true.
[READ MORE HERE]
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS 2012: Less than an hour after Paul Ryan’s first speech as Mitt Romney’s running made had ended, Romney supporters received the following e-mail:
Paul Ryan is a strong conservative leader and I am proud to have him as my running mate. He is widely respected for his leadership skills and his intellect, and for his ability to tackle serious issues. Together, we understand that a limited government and fiscal responsibility will unleash prosperity for all Americans. Donate $15 today to help restore America’s greatness and build a stronger middle class. Thanks, Mitt Romney
Meanwhile, the Obama Campaign raised its raffle prices. Let’s face it, they need more money. They’ve been asking for $3 from those who want a chance to meet the president. Forget that. Now it wants $5. And you thought $3 had been scientifically calculated by Obama’s Economists as the perfect price level at which Dumbed-down Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Short-Attention-Span Obama supporters would piss their money away.
OHIO RINO PARTY: In Columbus, Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders reports Ohio RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett says, “I share the sentiment of my fellow Ohioan, Sen. Rob Portman, in saying Mitt Romney has made a great choice in Paul Ryan as his running mate. I also share the excitement of many who look forward to the spirited campaign these men will wage on behalf of our country’s future.”- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says earlier polling found that 39% of all voters had a favorable opinion of Ryan, while 25% offered a negative review. 35% had expressed no opinion of Ryan. The congressman is relatively unknown to the nation at large. Only a third of voters have a strong opinion in either direction.
- OUR LATE NIGHT JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “The U.S. is leading China in both number of gold medals and number of total medals. In response, China said that’s nice but we still have all your money.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1981 IBM introduced the PC, and Big Blue’s stock price quoted Wednesday was trading above $199-per-share. Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says that’s one stock your broker should’ve advised you to hold on to, instead of GE.
- OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE: chose Billionaire Investor Warren Buffett’s “Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.”
VOTER FRAUD UPDATE: John Fund, the former Wall Street Journal columnist who has been promoting voter ID laws for years, says “Absentee vote ballot fraud is the tool of choice amongst fraudsters. Every time you see a truly massive, coordinated effort at voter fraud, it usually relies in part on absentee voter fraud.” In Ohio, RINO Party Boss Boob Bennett called the League of Women Vipers “special-interest snakes in the grass,” for their part in the alleged cheating in the signature-gathering process by the Ohio Voters First coalition, of which the league is a proud member.- THUGS ‘R US: Ohio’s Disgraced DemocRAT U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown is getting a boost from union members, with the AFL-CIO super PAC Workers’ Voice launching $50,000 in advertising against his GOP opponent, state Treasurer Josh Mandel. The ad buy is Workers’ Voice’s second in the Ohio Senate race. The super PAC’s first online ad campaign hit Mandel with $100,000 worth of ads.
- DEPRESSED DEMOCRATS: Tim Burka really says he’s really not happy with DemocRAT congressional candidate William R. Smith who won the primary even though Smith didn’t campaign and didn’t raise any money. Do you think the Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss is waiting for so see more about that dirty, nasty, underhanded, totally substantiated smear job right out of the Larry Flynt Playbook directed against Smith’s opponent.
- MEDIA MENDACITY: Newsbusters Columnist Noel Sheppard says “It seems a metaphysical certitude the big takeaway for the Obama-loving media from Saturday’s announcement by Mitt Romney concerning his running mate is that the presumptive Republican presidential nominee introduced Paul Ryan as “the next President of the United States.” But as they bash Romney for this error, will they mention candidate Obama did the same thing when he introduced Joe Biden as his running mate in 2008? The Blower says “Don’t hold your breath.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #227 says you should quote the wisdom of Al “All-American” Gore, like when he said “Who are these people?” (To a tour guide at Monticello after seeing busts of George Washington and Ben Franklin.)- DELUSIONAL DEMOCRATS: House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says “It Is A Fact” that somebody told Harry Reid about Romney not paying Taxes. Nutty Nancy also claims she’s really been hearing from the spirits of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and Alice Paul at the White House.
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES: remind us of their August 3 blog announcement that the Blue Ash City Clowncil had already passed their plan to help fund Cincinnati’s streetcar at their August 9 Clowncil meeting. Blue Ash Clowncil claims their votes weren’t pre-determined, then how is it that everyone, even a satire website, knew in advance this controversial vote was going to pass?
- MORE FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERY: Metro Mole wonders how Skaggie Maggie has instructed her minions to downplay the fact that Mitt Romney did NOT pick Rob “Fighting for Failure” Portman for his running mate.
RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: We’re now watching to see which one of Obama’s surrogates is the first to call Mitt Romney’s VP running mate Paul Ryan a “racist.” It probably won’t be the NAALCP, since they didn’t think that ad showing Black Conservative Congressman Allen West punching white women was racially offensive.- LEGAL BRIEFS: After Blue Ash RINOs on City Clowncil voted Thursday night to allow Cincinnati Girly Mayor Mark Mallory to misuse millions of dollars of their over-taxed payers’ airport money on his Trolley Folly, The Blower was amazed no lawsuits nor petitions have yet been filed.
- HOW ABOUT DEM REDS: This week,when the Reds losing streak reached five games, did Marty Brennaman really say, “How can I get my hair back?”
THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower): How’s Cincinnati Police Chief Impersonator James Craig doing with his appeal to the Ohio Peace Officer Training Commission in Columbus? Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception captured Craig’s attorney David A. Pepper mentoring his client on some remedial reading skills, saying, “Look, Man, I signed my name to your appeal. Now we’ve got to teach you how to read and write.”- CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET: heard Sean Donovan’s radio spot yesterday. For some reason he forgot to mention he’s one of the few Republicans who supports the streetcar. Maybe he should be running for Blue Ash Clowncil.
IN ANDERSON: Will Disgraced Dis-Trustee Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien really show up on Tuesday at his scheduled trial for masturbating in a woman’s car. What kind of evidence was his lawyer expecting to find, or were they just trying to find a forensic expert to testify about the pecker tracks?- SOREHEADS IN THE SUBURBS: are wondering when the folks at 8240 Clara Avenue will be having a big grand opening party for the new Romney Victory Center in Colerain? There’s something else the Hamilton County RINO Party forgot to publicize.”
- CLERMONT CRONIES: The Ohio 12th District Court of Appeals in Middletown ruled that police in Clermont County’s Union Township failed to read the boy his rights and refused to let his father witness the interrogation. Way to go, Cronies!
- THIS WEEK IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says wonders if you can remember when this weekend’s Great Inland Seafood Festival used to be held on the North Shore in Ohio? Do you remember years ago when The Blower predicted the event would move to Northern Kentucky? We do.
The CamBoozler also says, “Please, no pushing and shoving at this weekend’s Inland Seafood Festival. We promise we won’t run out at the free all-you-can-eat raw squid buffet.” And our old pal Bobby Leach says, “Ladies, don’t forget to visit the Greedy Weasels at the Clear Channel booth at the Great Inland Seafood Fest. The winner of our big contest gets a free case of crabs.”
READING THE TEA LEAVES: In Anderson Township, now that Mitt Romney has announced real conservative Paul Ryan as his running mate, Tea Party Patriots say it’s time to get to work in our precincts to engage every voter that wants to restore American principles. To contact your engaged Precinct Coordinator and ask “how can I help?” GO HERE.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: August is a month for vacations and we have another timely poem from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves.
Ode to August
They’re called the “Dog Days of Summer”
Perhaps the name is right.
But when the name is action
To the cats belong the night.
THIS WEEK AT A MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he thought the Presidential Campaign went on too long. “What do you mean,” Kane asked. Only a year ago we were all getting to watch the first Republican Presidential debate and already we know who the GOP Presidential and Vice Presidential Candidates will be.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”: The Blower’s Campaign Countdowns to will continue. Speaking of which, the 2012 Elections are only “85” days away.
Monday, America’s Comeback Team Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan will be on their first bus tour through swing states (including Ohio) and we’ll be looking at some of media bias we can expect to see between now and Election Day.
Tuesday is Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien’s scheduled day in court. Judges let cameras in court on masturbation cases, don’t they?
Wednesday is “Relaxation Day” and how do you think all our public employees will be celebrating the occasion?
Thursday is “National Tell a Joke Day.” Start e-mailing yours in today.
The first line of next Friday’s limerick is: “How many more lies will Obama tell?”
And Saturday we’ll probably be publishing our Politically Incorrect Black Family Re-union Edition.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political scorekeeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political scorekeeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Link of the Day
Halftime for Obama (Updated Clint Eastwood Satire)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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