Friday, August 10, 2012
From the Very Beginning…
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was not surprised when several Political Insiders asked about The Blower’s latest exclusive report, featuring that vile-and-disgusting YouTube Video our Feckless Fishwrappers have been ignoring. Kane was surprised, however, when one of our more recent Political Insiders in attendance asked about the first time our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher “Blew the Whistle” on a really deserving public official.
Hurley the Historian was ready with a full report, because every day for almost the past twenty years, The Whistleblower Newswire has been turning over rocks and shining the light of truth underneath so you could see the vermin squirming.
Unlike today, Kane used to get a lot of well deserved coverage in the local press for his Marvelous Muckraking. 21 years ago, Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher was even asked to present the Annual Whistleblower Professional Journalism Awards to members of the Queen City Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists at that group’s August 15, 1991 meeting.- But that wasn’t the beginning. A decade before that, when Ronald Reagan was running for president, Kane did media advance work for The Gipper during the early primaries. Later on that year, Kane exposed then GOP Hamilton County Commissioner Norman Murdock for operating an illegal Republican group out of the courthouse.
Thirty-two years ago today, a picture of the check from Stormin’ Norman’s “Committee to Elect Republicans” bearing the Hamilton County Courthouse address of “1000 Main Street” on the front-page of the Sunday paper on August 10, 1980, and legendary political reporter Bob Weston’s award-winning expose (“Republican Group Alleged to Work from County Office”) was just the beginning.
Later that year as the Murdock scandal fomented, Jim Borgman piled on by publishing some Pulitzer-Prize-winning editorial cartoons lampooning Murdock, like that classic one showing the disgraced Commissioner as a sleazy used car salesman with the caption asking, “Hey, have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?”- Kane followed with weekly satirical op-ed pieces for several years in the very Conservative, then very much respected Mt. Washington Press, detailing the goings-on in the mythical “Patronage County,” where Commissioners Pilfer, Filch, and Swindle held sway. You’ll never guess how many people thought “Stormin’ Norman” was Commissioner Swindle.
No wonder Murdock’s wet dreams of being Ohio’s governor evaporated.- Finally, another one of the Political Insiders asked Kane why he enjoyed “Muckraking” and ruining the careers of courthouse crooks and cronies for all those years, and the Chairman of our Quote for Today Committee said that reminded him of the story about the prison warden who was retiring, and a reporter asked how he felt about holding the record for executions, and the warden said, “I guess I just like working with people.”
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
Stories We’re Working On
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Obama’s cancer ad turns malignant - Harry Reid’s Secret Source
- Are the Olympics over yet?
- “Mean Jean” plans to run again
- After Brewers sweep Reds, Marty Brennaman says, “How can I get my hair back?”
- Goof Doofus is still resigned
- Obama says, “Give me four more years!”
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said the Obama Campaign ran that lying ad accusing Mitt Romney of letting that woman die of cancer:
(A) Keeps Obama’s Economy off the front page for another day: 2%
(B) It’s not the first lie they’ve told in the past four years: 1%
(C) It’s not the last time they’ll lie to you during the next “87” days: 1%
(D) Because they could: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
No Prize for Portman
This week, everybody who enjoys watching Mitt Romney milk his Vice Presidential Selection Story, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Terrace Park resident Robert Jones Portman, known as “Throb” Portman in the Bush White House, who wonders if he’s been too subtle about wanting to be the GOP Vice Presidential Candidate for the past four years, ever since he fought back the tears when he was forced to introduce Sarah Palin in Lebanon.
Rob wins an “I Really Didn’t Want To Be Vice President Anyhow” T-shirt, an endless number of “How do you feel?” interviews by all those anchorbimbos on TV, and the steadfast support of The Whistleblower, just like in one of Rob’s favorite photographs showing Charles Foster Kane supporting The Robster’s Opponent, that many say he personally chose to run against him. His winning limerick is:
Who’ll be Mitt Romney’s Vice Presidential selection,
Is the reason I’m suffering such dejection.
They say I’m too boring,
Folks just can’t stop snoring,
Soon I’ll learn the real meaning of “rejection.”
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course),
Who’ll be Mitt Romney’s Vice Presidential selection?
To help our country regain the right direction?
Won’t be Harry Reid, I’ll bet
Don’t think Mitt’s decided yet
But I hope his choice passes inspection
Could it be Jindal, Christie or Ryan?
Or will Marco Rubio keep on tryin’?
It might be nice
If he chose Condi Rice
I like her a lot, I ain’t lyin’.
Whoever he decides to tap
I’ll give them a tip of my cap
I can’t say who would be best
But I sure do like Allen West
He’s smart, tough, and don’t take no crap.
Anyone would be better than Biden
After November, that guy’ll be in hidin’
I hope he and Barack
Will never come back
Down the exit chute they’ll be slidin’.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“How many more lies will Obama tell?”
PORTMAN PITY PARTY HOT LINE
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Some political pummeling items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political pummeling subscribers.
Link of the Day
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