Saturday, February 25, 2012
Real Awards for Real Acting
Sunday night, millions of Americans will be watching the 84th Annual Academy Awards in Hollywood. These viewers know everything about every film and movie star being nominated. Unfortunately, these are the same Dumbed-down, Self-absorbed, Media-influenced, Celebrity-obsessed, Politically-correct Uninformed Short-attention-span voters who’ll be going to the polls on Super Tuesday in only 10 more days, the Bluegrass Primaries in only 87 more days, and the 2012 Presidential Elections in only 255.
Nevertheless, at today’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane will be presenting The Whistleblower’s “Real Awards for Real Acting” for 2012.
Nominees for Best Actor were:
Barack Obama in “Liar, Liar”
Barack Obama in “Plummeting Polls”
Barack Obama in “Last White House on the Left”
…and the winner was George W. Bush in “Miss Me Yet?”
Nominees for Best Supporting Actor were:
Mitt Romney in “Flip-Flop Through the Tulips”
Harry Reid in “Only 36,000 Lost Their Jobs Today”
John Boehner in “Cave In”
…and the winner was Joe Biden in “Our Stimulus Is Really Working”
Nominees for Best Actress were:
Hillary Clinton in “Suddenly Seeking Sanctions”
Michele Obama in “What Not to Wear”
Barbra Streisand in “Left Wing Looney”
…and the winner was Sarah Palin in “You Betcha!”
Nominees for Best Supporting Actress were:
Kathleen Sebelius “Cover Your Mouth When You Cough”
Janet Napolitano in “Airport Insecurity”
Nancy Pelosi in “Facelift”
…and the winner was, Barney Frank in “Man in a Dress.”
Winners in Other Categories Included:
Jimmy Carter Award for Irrelevant ex-Presidents:
Sainthood Award for Sinners: PBS’s “Bill Clinton”
Biggest Boondoggle: “Health Care Reform”
Biggest Flop: “Cash for Clunkers”
…And the year’s Biggest Mystery: “What Happened to All Those Jobs We Were Supposed to See?”
Local awards for “Real Awards for Real Acting” will also be presented:
Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich and Ohio RINO Party Boss Kevin DeWhine: “Backstabbing Bastards”- That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt: “Below Reproach”
- Cincinnati’s Girly Mayor Mark Mallory: “Streetcar Named Stupidity”
- Disgraced Former Clermont County Trustee Archie Wilson: “I Have Sinned”
- Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien: “No Apology! No Resignation!”
- Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP: “It’s My Party and I’ll Ruin It If I Want To”
- Republican Hamilton County Commissioners Me, Greg Hartmann and Chris Monzel: “Odd Man Out”
- $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg: “Political Payoffs”
- Forrest Gump School Board: “It’s for the Greedy Teachers and Administrators”
- Tea Party Patriots: “Tempest in a Tea Cup”
- Mercenary COAST Attorney Chris Finney and NAALCP President/ Cincinnati City Clown-cilman SMLP Smithermouth: “Jungle Fever”
And This Just In
Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Deters: “Crazy Eric Throws Himself on the Mercy of the Court”
REAL AWARDS FOR REAL ACTING HOT LINE
e-mail your noxious nominations today
Some Celebrity-obsessed items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Celebrity-obsessed subscribers, but we could always use more.
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