Daily Archives: February 2, 2012

WB for 2 Feb

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Groundhog Day (Again)          

     According to folklore and an almost endless amount of meaningless media hype, if celebrity groundhog Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow today, there’ll be six more weeks of winter. Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1887 the first Groundhog Day featured a rodent meteorologist predicting the weather at Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.          

     Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Bill Vaughn’s: “The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.”          

     But each year at this time, the Greedy Weasels at Clear Channel (formerly Jake-Whore) also beg The Blower not to remind people about that fateful day in 1995 when helicopter traffic reporter John Phillips got arrested and was later convicted for strafing groundhogs from his helicopter at the Blue Ash Airport, or that time at Phillips’ court appearance when he broke down and unsuccessfully tried to claim “Guns don’t kill groundhogs, people do.”          

     The Greedy Weasels are still trying to identify that guy from WGRR Radio who dressed up in a groundhog costume we all saw on TV waving through the glass on the courtroom door.            

     The Greedy Weasels would also not like us to remind you about their hypocrisy, citing that time Punxsutawney Phillips slammed Bill Clinton for his moral failings in one breath, then advertised Bristol’s strip joint in the next. Phillips is no longer on the air at WLW Hate Radio after his contract was finally not renewed.          

     Friends of Phil now demand that Groundhog Day be declared a national holiday. They think everybody should get the day off with pay and Eastern Avenue be renamed the Punxsutawney Phil Highway.          

      Meanwhile, Tom and Rose are hoping there’s mail delivery on Groundhog Day, since our long-suffering Obsessive Compulsive Obama Supporters are still waiting for a check from MoveOn.Org to help them pay off the massive debts they incurred in 2009 throwing their Obama Coronation Bash at the Camargo Country Club.          

     “Friends of Phil” is not associated with that fan club for Cincinnati Police Officer Phil (aka Philicia) Barnes, who sued the bejesus out of the City after he/she was demoted from sergeant for not exhibiting command presence by sporting mascara and lipstick, long painted fingernails, permanently arched eyebrows, and 38-DD breast implants. That “Friends of Philicia” group still meets secretly in the special unisex restroom at District Two.            

     Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and fellow gourmands like Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich always get together for brunch at Beaver’s on Groundhog Day to enjoy some of that world-famous delicious Groundhog Stew. Clueless asks, “Where’s the Beaver?” but Kane says, “That’s good groundhog.”          

     Groundhog Day is always a special time for our own Linda Libel, since Kane took our longtime Whistleblower gossip columnist to a Groundhog Day party where she first met her husband, and in all those years since, Linda still hasn’t forgiven him. Come to think of it, neither has her husband.            

    Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says most people think Groundhog’s Day came early this year, because today, with only “277” more days until the 2012 Elections, people are still talking about Obama’s Campaign Rally State of Dis-Union Speech. It’s too bad he didn’t deliver it on “Groundhog’s Day,” because if you thought the rhetoric sounded familiar last Tuesday night, you weren’t imagining you’d heard it all before.          

      And no matter if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not, GOP Presidential front-runners Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich will still be smearing each other for at least six more weeks.          

     And The Blower’s sure Ohio’s Second Congressional District “Mean Jean” Schmidt will be attacked by somebody for the next six weeks.          

     Speaking of the old Wrinkle Puss, for the next six weeks her Clermont County Cronies will all be fretting about Commissioner Archie “The Big Game Hunter” Wilson’s mysterious disappearance since December 2, 2011. Rumors are running rampant about where he may be. In fact, yesterday morning Clermont County Coroner Brian Treon was sworn in as County Commissioner to replace Wilson so the County could conduct business.  Also, for the next six weeks, people in Batavia out there will be talking about how much the Archster’s absence is costing the over-taxpayers of Crony County who had to purchase a bond for the coroner and make other special arrangements.  At the meeting, in response to questions Treon said he’s not used to answering questions, since people he comes into contact with at the Coroner’s Office usually doesn’t have much to say.          

     And Dallas Jackson will be the featured speaker at the Anderson Area Chamber of Commerce on Ground Hog’s Day. The Forrest Gump Schools Superintendent will be rallying support for the Gumper’s Humongous School Tax Hike, so local property owners of $200,000 houses can pay $2,000 to support the greedy teachers and administrators.             

     This year Groundhog Day is also a special date for Hamilton County Property Owners, since Our Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who until this year has been permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street) says, “Even if Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t see his shadow today, your jacked-up drive-by-appraised property taxes still had to be postmarked before midnight on Tuesday.”          

     Finally, from ESPN, we have a souvenir photograph of the OchoCinco Groundhog at the Super Bowl in Indianapolis.


GROUNDHOG DAY HOT LINE

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  Links of the Day

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Groundhog Day – The Reckoning 


Some woodchuck whacking items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally woodchuck whacking subscribers, but we could always use more.

 

                  Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.