SUNDAY, JUNE 10, 2018
Trump’s 506th Day In Office
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says John Wayne died on tomorrow’s date in 1979.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose The Duke’s “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway,” but the one we like best was “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: We found this offensive ode in his latest book “Racist Poems to Riot By,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Scaring the Suburbanites
The next time you go downtown to get mugged,
Be careful when you meet your first thug.
He might not think you’re funny,
If instead of your money,
You offer to give that thug a hug.
ANDERSON APOCALYPSE: If you think Aroused Andersonians were excited on Saturday’s “Walk “Naked in Anderson Day,” watching all those Attractive Andersonian ladies doing their part to weed out neighborhood terrorists by walking around naked and causing Muslim Men to commit suicide because they have seen naked women other than their wives, just wait till Tuesday night, when everybody will be watching that Cockamamie Committee “work through the Redskins Issue,” whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. Actually, they’ll be continuing to promote their counterfeit controversy (over changing an 80-year-old team mascot’s name that would cost a million dollars they’ve already pissed away) so people won’t ask questions about really important things. How many items on the Ohio School Boards Association’s Code Of Ethics will Frooman and his followers be forgetting? Maybe we’ll need a scorecard.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “EXPLOITING THE FLAG” every politician was taking part in the Annual Flag Day Parade, and our three Corrupt County Commissioners were about the best ways to exploit the best ways to exploit the day’s events. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says Congratulations to two of Trump’s Ohio judicial nominees who were announced this week. But how many people who thought they’d be getting jobs in the Trump administration are still waiting? That would be an interesting list.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says says following record levels of confidence in the job market, Americans are more optimistic than ever about the ability to get a job, work hard and succeed in America today. Fewer Than Ever Now Know Someone Out of Work Americans See a Brighter Future for College Grads
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” In Human Events’ ,” #164, Quote Liberal Hero Karl Marx: “There is only one way to kill capitalism—by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.”
JOHN GALT says “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says this week the House approved three spending bills for certain government agencies for fiscal year 2019, which begins on October 1 (see below). The Senate approved various judicial nominations and began debate on the annual defense authorization bill.
Next Week: The House will vote on legislation to address the opioids epidemic. The Senate will continue to vote on judicial nominations and complete its work on the defense authorization bill.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. The Detroit News says during the depression a hobo-inspired song called “The Big Rock Candy Mountain” became popular, extolling the virtues of free stuff. Meanwhile, The Blower says Disgraceful DemocRATS would likely steal the rights to the tune and turn it into their theme song.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about all those Leaks at the White House these days, especially after hearing this morning’s sermon at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative where our Right-Wing Reverend was asking his Political Parishioners to Pray for Plumbing.
“I’m surprised Trump hasn’t called “Joe The Plumber,” Kane said. Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher became famous after his confrontation with Obama during the 2008 campaign. Plus, according to “Joe The Plumber’s” Facebook Page, he likes Trump in part because the New York billionaire dated attractive women. “He’s a winner. He’s made billions. He’s dated beautiful women. His wife is a model. That’s not to sniff at,” he said.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio DemocRAT Party Boss David Pepper, when we casually mention his name Tuesday on Flag Day.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JUNE 11) we’ll be getting ready to cover President Donald Trump’s historic meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un on Tuesday.
TUESDAY (JUNE 12) we’ll be honoring Old Glory and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will tell us if any of the boys are rallying around the Flag.
WEDNESDAY (JUNE 13), we’ll be featuring our “Early Flag Day” E-dition, remembering those who have fought and died to protect it.
THURSDAY (JUNE 14) Not only will The Blower be celebrating Flag Day, but we’ll also be enjoying what the Inspector General gave Donald Trump for his birthday.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JUNE 15) LIMERICK IS “To honor your dad on this Father’s Day,”
AND SATURDAY (JUNE 17) National Hollerin’ Contest Day, and The Blower will try to give the Liberals something to holler about.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
TODAY’S WHISTLEBLOWER BREAKING NEWS VIDEO
The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of the mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call The Fishwrap.