FRIDAY, MARCH 2, 2018
More Merciless Mockery
At this morning’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Crooked Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from News Liars at The Destroy Trump Media, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19, realize how stupid we think they really are.
How Would We Ever Find a Way to Say Something Sarcastic?
SARCASM FOR DUMMIES says when somebody asks you a question, first think of an honest answer. Then think of the opposite of it. Then say it out loud and roll your eyes. See how easy that is?
OUR EGREGIOUS ETYMOLOGIST says anyone who has suffered from the sarcastic remarks of others will not be too surprised to learn that sarcasm, “a cutting remark,” comes from a Greek verb, sarkazein, that literally means “to tear flesh like a dog.”
OUR SARCASTIC QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says Stephen Bishop must’ve been thinking about the Obama Administration when he said, “It’s a catastrophic success.”
BARACK OBAMA, SHADOW PRESIDENT says he really tried to keep his promise for a “smooth and efficient transition on the day after Mr. Trump’s victory.
WHISTLEBLOWER POLLSTER RON RASMUSSEN says “Americans are looking for the same kind of lying elected officials steeped in scandal and hypocrisy, because after eight disastrous years of failed promises and deceptions from Obama and Congress, everybody agrees there is no need for Real Change at the White House and in Congress.” No sarcasm there!
CROOKED HILLARY says, “I don’t know why everybody’s always asking me if I’m telling the truth.”
DONALD TRUMP says, “I didn’t want to blow up the Republican Party. I just want to be their nominee.”
OHIO DELUSIONAL GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH says, “I really don’t understand why everybody’ was asking me to drop out of the Presidential Race.”
SODOMY RITES ACTIVISTS BEN DOVER, PHIL MCKREVIS AND CINCINNAT CLOWN-CIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK say they found it difficult to choose between Rob “Fighting for Faggotry” Portman and former Gayvener Strickland in the 2016 Ohio U.S. Senate Race.
HAMILTON COUNTY REPUBLICAN COMMISSIONER CANDIDATE ANDY PAPPAS says, “Of course the Hamilton County RINO Party gave me all the support I needed.”
FOREST HILLS SCHOOL BOARD says, “Seriously, there is no bigger problem we face these days than changing the name of the Anderson Redskin Mascot because a couple of old biddies claim they’re offended.”
DEMOCRAT FUNDRAISER NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH says “I’m not one bit sorry I held that fund-raiser for Crooked Hillary when she came to Kentucky to campaign.”
“CRAZY ERIC” DETERS says, “I’m sure the Trump campaign really checked out my background before they let me be Donald Trump’s Campaign Chairman in Northern Kentucky.”
ALSO AT THIS MORNING SARCASM SEMINAR, when Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was asked if The Blower could wait until October to celebrate National Sarcasm Month, Kane said, “I’m not sure if we ever could say sarcastic things about people.” How true. We’ve always prided ourselves on telling the Absolute Truth, especially since our Garrulous Grammarian says using sarcastic language is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
The Sarcasm Society* says
There is nothing more beautiful than sarcasm. That is definitely an overstatement but it should balance the moronic comment which says that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Now, whoever made that statement was desperately in need of a rectal broomstick extraction procedure.
Sarcasm usually requires a quick wit, and the ability to extract the minutest points of weakness in a conversation. So it is quite unlikely that it is the lowest form of humor as some would like to call it. Perhaps not being able to enjoy sarcasm is directly related to not having the ability to come up with sarcastic comments, which in turn creates a feeling of inadequacy, which in turn can spawn a Napoleon complex, that can cause someone to logicise that sarcasm is the humor of the stupid.
Now I know what most of you are going to say, and I cannot wait to hear from each and every one of you.
*It is really just one guy.
SARCASM ALERT HOTLINE
How To Be Sarcastic
The Most Sarcastic Line Ever
(Sent in by The Sarcasm Society, because they really, really value your opinion.)