SUNDAY, JUNE 18, 2017
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date, the War of 1812 began, in 1815 Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo, Suffragist Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote in the 1872 presidential election, and in 1983, Sally Ride became the first American woman in space. Now which one of those stories will they be talking about on “The View” today?
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says take your choice from among Napoleon’s “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake,” “A leader is a dealer in hope,” and “In politics stupidity is not a handicap.”
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: We found this offensive ode in his latest book “Erotica for the Elderly,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Seeing is Believing
Ah the wondrous days of summer
The cricket’s cheerful song.
The see-thru clothes the girlies wear
And the break-a-way lacy thong.
THIS WEEK, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER SAID WE’RE STILL HEARING TOO MUCH LEFT-WING HATE SPEECH FROM OUR LATE NIGHT COMEDIANS
The Washington Post reports that President Trump is being investigated for obstruction of justice, which could wind up costing him the presidency. Trump was like, “OK, now give me the bad news.” This morning Trump responded to an article on Twitter and called it a “phony story.” I guess at this point even Trump’s tired of saying “fake news.” Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.”
Vladimir Putin has offered asylum to former FBI Director James Comey. When she heard, Melania Trump said, “Hey, what about me?” Experts say that if President Trump were to fire Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller, all hell would break loose. Or as Trump calls that, “Thursday.” President Trump is under investigation for obstruction of justice. That was confirmed today when President Trump said he is NOT under investigation for obstruction of justice.
It was revealed yesterday that the FBI is now investigating President Donald Trump for obstruction of justice. I don’t know if Trump obstructed justice, but I’ll tell you what he has obstructed — my ability to talk about anything other than Trump every night on this show. Let’s be honest: That’s the real crime, isn’t it? But I guess this investigation is also a big deal. Democrats are hoping that this will lead to impeachment. Republicans, on the other hand, are secretly hoping … that this will lead to impeachment.
The president woke up bright and early this morning, the day after what had to be his worst birthday ever. He woke up, walked down the hall to Melania’s bedroom, the door was locked. So he went downstairs, punched Sean Spicer in the stomach, wrestled the phone out of his little pink hands and tweeted about this special investigation into him. Yesterday we learned that the president is being investigated by a special counsel led by Robert Mueller for possible obstruction of justice. So this morning at 7:57 a.m., Trump tweeted, “You are witnessing the single greatest witch hunt in American political history led by some very bad and conflicted people. #MAGA.” He’s even making witch hunts great again!
President Trump will speak in Miami tomorrow. He’ll be comfortable, because he still has strong support in Florida. Plus, he’s the state fruit. The Senate today passed a bill that imposes new sanctions on Russia and allows Congress to stop President Trump from repealing them. Wow, even Congress doesn’t trust him. He’s like a 15-year-old kid who still gets a babysitter.
Happy It’s Donald Trump’s birthday. Seventy-one candles on that cake. Although, Trump later said it was “over a million candles. Most candles ever.” Two hundred Democrats got together to give the president something he might like. But instead, they’re suing Trump over foreign payments to his businesses. At least they got together to give him this card: “Congratulations, birthday boy, you’ve been served.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “HAPPY HOLIDAY,” every politician took part in the 45th Annual Patronage County Watergate Day festivities, and our three Corrupt County Commissioners were discussing how things went. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says wonders about CityBeat Investigative Reporter Jim McNair’s report on the friendship track to the 13-year monopoly on Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ IT business. You can read all about that HERE.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says most Americans think politics is to blame for this week’s shooting attack on Republican members of Congress and aren’t writing it off as just random violence. (MORE)
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #198 says never speak of “Affirmative Action” —only of “Reverse Discrimination.” Elaborate by saying how angry it makes you that talented blacks, Mexican-Americans, and others who secured their jobs and their college places purely on their own merit will forever be looked on with suspicion and resentment.
JOHN GALT says, “I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says the House passed legislation providing a tax credit for the purchase of health insurance in the individual market under parts of the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (COBRA — see below). The Senate confirmed several sub-cabinet nominations and passed a bill to expand sanctions on Iran and Russia (see below).
NEXT WEEK: The House will vote on legislation to provide funds to states to help individuals on welfare to enter the workforce. The Senate will vote on various nominations.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others. Today on Father’s Day, you could get 10 free boneless wings when you buy any 10 wings on Father’s Day. Plus earn $5 in free Dad Bonus Bucks when you purchase a $25 Hooter’s gift card. The FREE Part is looking at the girls’ “Hooters.”
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about that time a TV Interviewer asked him why most people won’t get as upset on next Tuesday’s Property Tax Day as they do on the big April 15 Tax Day. “Most people’s property taxes are included with their mortgage payments,” Kane explained. “So they never see how much they’re paying for those fools in schools and all those other taxes that are included.” That’s why The Blower always says everybody should have to write a really big check on Property Tax Day to see how much money they’re pissing away on public schools, and they should hold elections on the same day people have to pay their taxes. Do you think our elected officials would go along with that?”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially when Award-Winning Illustrator Artis Conception shows us a more-fitting statue of Reds legend Pete Rose sliding into Commissioner Bart Giamatti who suspended him at Great American Ball Park.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JUNE 19) we’ll be featuring our “News Scrubbing” E-dition, which will be long overdue for Members of The Destroy Trump Media.
TUESDAY (JUNE 20) we’ll be watching The Blower’s Countdown Clock click off the hours, minutes, and seconds until your Hamilton County Property Taxes must be paid.
WEDNESDAY (JUNE 21) The Blower will be celebrating the Summer Solstice when it arrives at 12:24 AM when it’s still dark.
THURSDAY (JUNE 22) we’ll be featuring the “No Panty Day” promotion at Anderson Trustee President Andy Pappas’ Cleaner Concepts store, where Andy is promising “something special” for the first 103 women in line wearing no panties.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JUNE 23) LIMERICK IS “When you pay your real estate taxes,” which just happened to be on on Tuesday, if you live in Hamilton County.
AND SATURDAY (JUNE 24) we’ll be watching a continuous stream of LGBT Propaganda, including publicizing unspecified efforts by Cincinnati officials “to ensure the safety of those attending the Cincinnati Pride Parade and related festivities.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
TODAY’S WHISTLEBLOWER FATHER’S DAY VIDEO
Best of Father’s Day YouTube Challenges
The Whistleblower has always been 100% commercial free, unlike members of the mendacious news media. So if you want to buy an ad on the front page, call The Fishwrap.