FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2017
Weather-Guessers On TV
This week, everybody who thinks Groundhog Day proves just how easily fat TV weathermen who grope fellow employees can be replaced by furry rodents, twittered an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is our own Linda Libel, since Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane took our longtime Whistleblower gossip columnist to that Groundhog Day party where she first met her husband (winner of the Groundhog Lookalike Contest, and in all those years since, Linda still hasn’t forgiven us.)
Linda wins a “Got Beaver?” T-shirt, a recipe for delicious Groundhog Stew, and an x-rated video depicting the mating habits of over-sexed Groundhogs. Her winning entry is:
At our Groundhog’s Day party this year
We’ll be filled with the usual fear:
Will the blizzards continue,
Or are warm days on the menu?
Aw, who cares! Let’s just stock up on beer!
At our Groundhog’s Day Party this year
For Republicans we’ll all shed a tear.
Last year’s local elections were a bummer
‘Cause voters just got dumber
Maybe someday we’ll have something to cheer.
At our Groundhog’s Day Party this year
Eric “Call Me Crazy” did not appear.
He was up burning the old midnight oil
Hoping another judicial ass-whupping to foil,
Not to mention that large boot up his rear.
And from our Anderson Laureate, who says “That’s good groundhog”:
At our Groundhog Day party this year,
We’re serving plenty of beer
We’ll keep the hog from his bunk
By getting him good and drunk
And Spring will be wonderfully near.
If he sees his shadow, we’ll stay cold
For another six weeks, I’ve been told
So keep the sun hidden,
You must, I’m not kiddin’
I hate winter because I’m so old.
Let’s hope that it stays nice and dim
And the sun stays far away from him
‘Cause then Spring will come
And the cold won’t keep us numb,
Six more weeks of winter is too grim!
