WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2016
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Happy Tax Cuts, Everybody! It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. —Donald Trump

The President went to great lengths to express how important it is for America and all of our allies that we will no longer be dependent upon the Muslims for oil. ANWAR is now available to Americans. After the House approved this bill years ago……..it was defeated by 1 vote in the U.S. Senate. That vote was cast by MICHAEL DeWHINE. Whatever happened to that bozo, anyway? —James B. Renacci

Please remember to send your tax-deductible contributions to the Conservative Ohio Reps and Candidates who deserve your donations by December 31. —TEA Party Patriots

Does anybody think I should’ve asked Obama to pardon me before he left office? — Crooked Hillary

All we want for Christmas is more “Free Stuff.” —Dumbed Down Crooked Hillary Supporters Who Still Haven’t Figured Out Why She Lost

Mentally ill people don’t kill people. Mentally ill people with guns kill people. —Gun Control Fanatics

Tax the bullets! —Disarmed DemocRATS in Congress

All I want for Christmas is I an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! —Ralphie Parker

Last Christmas after those school shootings, we asked Ralphie to be our spokesman. —National Rifle Association

That’s why we chose Stan Freberg’s, “Say, mothers…as sure as there’s an X in Christmas, you can be certain those are Tiny Tim Chestnuts!” —Your Quote for Today Committee

Can you believe the Bungals won’t be in the playoffs this year? —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall

Millionaire Mike Brown always has his finger on what’s good for the fans. —Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception

Here’s some good news. Tomorrow’s Christmas Party at Jack casino where I’ll be announcing my return to politics is NOT being catered by my daughter’s in-laws at LaRosa’s. —“Mean Jean” Schmidt

How do you like what we’ve done with “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Web Page? —Bondage Dominating Sado Masochists’

Stop by my office at 7954 Beechmont Avenue and pick up your FREE Christmas gift from Dr. Scholl’s. —Brad Wenstrup, Political Podiatrist

In last week’s column titled “Another Exclusive,” we learned how sleazy politicians get impressionable female reporters to give them favorable publicity. —Your Friends in Patronage County  

Does anybody remember when Artis Conception saw that front-page story in The Fishwrap about how liberal extremists on Cincinnati Clown-cil had given me more power, and I couldn’t wait to show everybody the “Little Lap Dogs” I received as a Christmas Present. —Cincinnati’s Former Girly Mayor Mark Mallory

Does Santa really see you when you’re masturbating? —Disgraced and Defeated Former Anderson Township Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien

This Christmas, we all sang carols around a giant Chabothead with a Star of Dubya on top. —Real Republicans in Green Township

Please tell the yoofs there be only six mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa! —Kwanzaa Klaus

Please don’t let me forget to Tweet everybody a “Happy Kwanzaa.” —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP

Is Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP the gift that keeps on giving or what! —Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka

We really like watching all those nice things The Blower writes about Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor these days. —Ohio’s Disingenuous DemocRAT Party Boss David A. Pepper

Being out of jail again this year will make it a wonderful Christmas. — Convicted Juvie Judge Traci Hunter

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All

We think we deserve more credit. —United Appall People

Last night at the Christmas Gift Exchange, everybody was comparing their new “Property Values” I just made up for their houses. —Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Auditor

Who turned off the Amish Christmas Lights? —Adams County Tourist Board

The proof is always in the pudding! —Bill Cosby

Yesterday at the Conservative Agenda, I explained “The Four Stages of Life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You become Santa Claus. 4) You start to look like Santa Claus. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

This year on Christmas, we’ll all be annoying everybody by talking about how Hillary won the popular vote, and trying to get everybody at Christmas dinner to sign our card thanking Obama. —Northern Kentucky DemocRATS

Next year if Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders and That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) plan to hold their Christmas parties at the same time and place, maybe they should look for much larger facilities. —Northern Kentucky Party Planners

Why do people always want to know what dumb blondes ask Santa at Christmas? —TV 19’s Trish the Dish

Sheree Paolello says that’s really one of those dumb blonde jokes, right? —Jack Atherton, Retired TV Anchorman

This year, we think you should have a special Christmas dinner for your pets. —(PETA) People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals