SUNDAY, JANUARY 28, 2018
Tonight’s Top Story
Guys Who Look Like Pussies Wearing Vagina Hats
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date on this day in 1834, Andrew Jackson became the first president to use federal troops against his own people, and Disingenuous DemocRATS are hoping it won’t be long until Trump is forced to do the same thing.
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Old Hickory’s “Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. Maybe that’s why President Trump hung Jackson’s portrait in the Oval Office.
COUNTDOWN TO PROPERTY TAX DAY: Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering says you’ve been ignoring your “Jacked Up Tax Bill” for more than three weeks, but you still have until midnight on January 31 to get the money in, or our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor will publish your name in The Fishwrap, along with all those other deadbeats.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Voters think a special prosecutor is needed to see if the nation’s top cops have been playing politics. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone and online survey finds that 49% of Likely U.S. Voters believe a special prosecutor should be named to investigate whether senior FBI officials handled the investigation of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump in a legal and unbiased fashion.
WEDNESDAY, OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER LIKED JIMMY FALLON’S: Some pretty big news about the Russia investigation. President Trump told reporters that he is going to talk to Robert Mueller, but he wants to talk to him under oath. Then Trump turned to his lawyers and said, “Relax, I’ll have my fingers crossed the whole time.”
CONAN O’BRIEN: First lady Melania Trump decided not to go on a trip to Switzerland with President Trump and instead she visited a Holocaust museum. When asked why, Melania said, “It just sounded like more fun.”
JIMMY KIMMEL: The last time Trump fired someone from the FBI, it was Jim Comey. And that led to Robert Mueller getting hired. If he fires Robert Mueller, maybe they’ll put special investigator Hillary Clinton on the case, who knows? I will say this, Richard Nixon right now, must be rolling around in his grave, going, “How does he do it!”
AND SETH MEYERS: According to a new poll, 29% of people believe President Trump is a good role model for children. What?! [shows picture of Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey] Was it multiple choice?
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says there will be eight Hamilton County judicial races this year — four seats on the court of appeals and four seats on the common plea bench. While judicial races have generally been different than other elections (where the issue was more whether there were issues with the sitting judge such that a challenge needed to be mounted and, if no issue, no challenge), Disingenuous DemocRATS have decided now is the time to treat judicial office no different than other elected offices so that politics and politics alone will now be dragged into the judicial arena. It treats the judiciary as nothing but an extension of politics, as opposed to being a place where matters can be resolved by a decision-maker free of politics. It appears that one of the candidates the D-RATS will be putting forth has never had a single case in state or federal court. Kind of reminds us of the Tom Cruise quote from A Few Good Men: “So this is what a courtroom looks like.” And if that’s the quality of candidates our local D-RATS will offer, our Dumbed-Down Voters in Bright Blue Hamilton County will never know the difference.
Also FYI, of these eight judicial races, six seats are GOP judges, 1 seat is DemocRAT (Marilyn Zayas on the court of appeals), and 1 seat is an open seat.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, The Odious Octogenarian. This poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
No Girl Jumping Out of a Cake Again This Year
I just had a birthday.
Now I’m a golden oldie.
My body is all worn out.
And is getting kind of moldy.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. This week, let’s all re-read the “Eldon Pudpuller Story.”
LAST WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “TRUTH —THE BEST DEFENSE,” We heard what happened when Muck Raker, political 
columnist for the Patronage County Innuendo, testified as an expert witness at $10 million libel suit against the National Enquirer. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on March 25, 1981
MEANWHILE, OUR OWN MUCKRAKER is working on a new story. Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor Cranley says, “Think how many refugees we could get in all of our empty streetcars.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 256 says to Define multiculturalism as a State-sanctioned grievance industry that stokes division and resentment, while always under the delusion that it is doing something positive called “celebrating diversity.”
GOING GALT means you’ve recognized that you do not need to justify your life or wealth to your neighbors, “society,” or politicians, or bureaucrats. They’re yours, period!
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Both the House and Senate passed legislation to extend fiscal year 2018 government funding until February 8, with the goal of reaching an agreement on funding for the rest of the fiscal year (through September 30) and on various immigration reforms. The Senate also approved a number of important nominations, including Jerome Powell as the new chairman of the Federal Reserve and Alex Azar as secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services.
Next Week: Both the House and Senate will gather on Tuesday evening to hear President Trump’s first State of the Union address. The Senate will also continue its work in approving nominations.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others and every freeloader in America will be watching Trump’s First State of the Union Address on Tuesday to see what’s in it for them.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what we’re likely to hear at Tuesday’s First State of the Union Address on Tuesday night. “Trump will make the case that America is back, Kane explained “his tax plan is working wonders, and call for a Bipartisan Approach in Dysfunctional DC. You don’t think the D-RATS will be packing the balcony with screaming DACA protesters, do you?”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that are due by midnight on Tuesday. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows how the Auditor’s Employees are prepared.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JANUARY 29) The Blower will checking to see if Congress has subpoenaed Trump-hating FBI officials Strzok and Page to testify how they planned to take down Trump and protect Crooked Hillary.
TUESDAY (JANUARY 30) our Real Subscribers will be commenting on how much money they’ll need to cover those humongous checks they’ll be writing on Wednesday to pay their Jacked-Up Hamilton County Real Estate Taxes.
WEDNESDAY, (JANUARY 31) The Blower will be doing our part for Racial Healing during Black Lives Really Really Matter HistoryMonth beginning on Thursday.
THURSDAY (FEBRUARY 1) we’ll be checking the weather report from Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to see what kind of forecast we might be hearing from our furry four-legged weatherman Phil.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (FEBRUARY 2) LIMERICK IS: “At our Groundhog’s Day party this year.”
AND SATURDAY (FEBRUARY 3) we’ll be getting ready for Reagan Day, when we celebrate the Gipper’s 107th Birthday on Tuesday.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Tonight’s Whistleblower Video
Larry Gatlin fires back at celebrities getting political
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