WE’RE CATCHING UP, SO THIS E-DITION FROM THE ARCHIVES IS FOR SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2023

TRUMP’S NINE-HUNDRED-AND-SEVENTY-THIRD DAY OUT-OF-OFFICE
AND AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, MANY MEMBERS ASKED BUNKY TADWELL IF THE WHISTLEBLOWER MEMOIRS HE’S GHOST-WRITING WILL INCLUDE OUR BELOVED PUBLISHER’S CREATING FICTIONAL PATRONAGE COUNTY AS AN ATTEMPT TO ENCOURAGE UNDISCOVERED YOUNG WRITERS, SUCH AS THE STRUGGLING COLUMNIST BELOW WHO SHARES HIS ACUTE AND SURPRISINGLY ACCURATE TAKE ON LOCAL POLITICS AS USUAL.

These Fictitious People Still Sound A Lot Like Some People We Know

         Here’s another column featuring the same sleazy 1980s characters at the satirical Patronage County Courthouse, to illustrate things going on hereabouts these days, so our Persons of Consequence might gain yet another useful perspective on the news.

These articles are Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as the struggling columnist below who shares his acute and surprisingly accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.

“More Hopeless Change” By James Jay Schifrin

         “What’s the matter with my column, Chief?” I asked my editor.

         “The official change came over the Main Stream Media Newswire this morning. We’re not calling ‘Protesters’ in Charlotte, North Carolina ‘Black Rioters’” or ‘Looters’ any more. Those terms have been changed to ‘Aggrieved Victims of America’s Racist Criminal Justice System’. ”

         “What about ‘fighters,’ Chief. That’s what they call ‘Terrorists’ in the Middle East?”

         “No that’s the wrong image.”

         “I figured the Obama White House and Hillary wanted to soften the George Soros’ imported Race Rioters’ image before Monday’s televised Presidential Debate.”

         “Exactly, you know it’s the news media’s job to control public opinion.”

         “But calling Paid Black Lives Matter Rioters ‘Aggrieved Victims’ instead of ‘looters’ or ‘criminals’ doesn’t change what they are, Chief?”

         “Of course not, but it’s funny how a word here and there can change what dumbed-down people think of them.”

         “But won’t anybody notice the changes, Chief?”

         “Not when you give it to them in small doses. You can’t change a ‘Law Breaking Looter into an Aggrieved Victim of America’s Racist Criminal Justice System over night. It has to be gradual.”

         “Then changing public opinion would take a long time, right, Chief?”

         “That’s why the people who really make things happen are always light years ahead of the rest of us.”

         “But who decides when we’re supposed to change public opinion, Chief?”

         “Don’t be silly. Everybody knows THEY do.”

This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols, but it does bear more than a small similarity to that “Government and Business” Column published on July 28, 1982, which talks about downplaying the word “Terrorists” so their murdering bastards’ feelings wouldn’t be hurt.