TODAY IS
THURSDAY, JUNE 11, 2020
TRUMP’S 1238th DAY IN OFFICE
WITH NONE OF OBAMA’S POLITICAL PERPS IN THE SLAMMER
With These Last-Minute Changes
We need to get the word out on two last-minute changes to Sunday’s Big Annual Flag Day Parade in Anderson.
FIRST THE LOCATION: According to the State of Ohio, the “PFC James Miller IV Memorial Highway” has now been combined with the “Staff Sergeant Richard T. Pummill Memorial Highway” so that the Largest Flag Day Parade in the area will begin at Anderson Trustee Andy Pappas’ Cleaner Concepts at 7857 “PFC James Miller IV and Staff Sergeant Richard T. Pummill Memorial Highway,” and all Peaceful, Caucasian, God-fearing Andersonians watching the parade are still requested to stay six feet apart behind the “white line.”
Sunday’s Big Annual Flag Day Parade in Anderson will be totally patriotic, and politicians will not be permitted to exploit this event for purely political purposes, unlike what appears to have happened at a previous Deer Park Memorial Day Parade.
SECOND, THE NAME OF THE PARADE: At the final planning meeting, Anderson Flag Day Parade organizers were unaware that besides Flag Day always being on June 14, and today’s also being the observance of the U.S. Army’s 245th Birthday, June 14, 2020 is also President Donald Trump’s 74th birthday. That means Trump supporters who are already scheduled to walk in the Flag Day Parade will be carrying “Happy Birthday, President Trump!” signs instead of American flags, and they are now insisting that the official name of this year’s parade be changed to Anderson’s “Annual Largest Flag Day In The Area and President Donald J. Trump 74th Birthday Parade.”
How do we know today is President Donald Trump’s 74th Birthday? First Lady Melania Trump sent us an e-mail telling us she needs our help to make President Trump’s 74rd Birthday a birthday he will never forget, especially since we have certainly proven ourselves to be loyal friends of her husband through our support of his positive vision to Make America Great Again and our unwavering commitment to the Republican Party. Melania even wants us to join her in celebrating Donald’s 74th birthday by signing the card before the deadline, 9:00 PM on June 14, 2020.
And to make it even more special, Melania says we should be sure to include our personal message. 
SIGN THE CARD
And guess what happens when you sign your name: They thank you and allow you to donate money to support the President’s America First Agenda. 
Damn—Today’s going to be the best “Annual Largest Flag Day In The Area, U.S. Army Birthday, and President Donald J. Trump 74th Birthday Parade” ever.