TODAY IS
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2019
Trump’s 965th Day In Office

Destructive For America? How About “Hurricane Barrack Hussein Obama?”

This morning at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why Deadly Hurricanes are given such “non-threatening names.” “Dorian” sounds like a pansy, and “Florence” sounds like you old maid aunt.

“I think you’ve hit on something,” Kane explained. “Hurricanes with names like ‘Jack the Ripper’ or ‘Typhoid Mary’ might cause a panic.”

And people probably wouldn’t be concerned during hurricane season with names like Alex, Beth, Rodney, and Wilma.  No wonder people don’t evacuate – how are we supposed to take storms seriously with names like Hurricane Betsy and Hurricane Bob?”

Remember that study released by the University of Illinois claiming it may be the name of the storm that is keeping people home. According to the study, female-named hurricanes take more lives than male-named storms because people feel less threatened by a female-named storm and therefore decide not to evacuate. So folks would take a storm named “Hurricane Joseph” more seriously than a “Hurricane Josephina.”

ATTRIBUTION The research published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences looked at death tolls from 94 hurricanes in the United States over the last six decades. The numbers showed that storms with feminine names had significantly higher death tolls than those with masculine names. Perceiving the female-named storms as less threatening, those in the path of an oncoming “feminine” hurricane took fewer precautions and were more vulnerable to Mother Nature. The more feminine the storm’s name, the more people it killed, say the researchers.

The Southeast Sun Enterprise says names like these might be a little more intimidating and perhaps strike some fear into the hearts of people and help them evacuate: Hurricane Brace Yourself, Hurricane Dangerzone, Hurricane General Zod, Hurricane Havoc, Hurricane IRS, Hurricane Jericho, Hurricane Lex Luther, Hurricane Rambo, Hurricane Sasquatch and Hurricane Wrecking Ball.

Listphoria has a few somewhat humorous Hurricane names like “Hurricane Bubba.”  (Because you know the first place the storm is headed is the nearest trailer park.) 

Then there’s “Hurricane Dick.” (How much fun would it be to watch all the network weathermen on tenterhooks, terrified of unintentional double entendres?  “Hurricane Dick is coming … I mean, approaching! approaching!”)

The Blower can hardly wait till “Hurricane Jose” gets closer. So we can say it’ll inflict enormous economic damage if allowed to cross our borders.

Maybe they should name Hurricanes with Black People names. I’s be terrified of “Hurricane Laquisha.”

But what would be the best name for a Hurricane so people would take the storm seriously? 

How about “Hurricane No Flood Insurance” and “Hurricane FEMA.” After watching the TV coverage these days, If those names don’t scare you, we don’t know what will.