TODAY IS
SUNDAY, MARCH 31, 2019
Trump’s 800th Day In Office

This Sunday in America…at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, the Right-Wing Reverend Charles Foster Kane was asking his Political Parishioners to Pray for Pastimes, since Major League Baseball’s Opening Day on March 28 is the earliest in history. 

The early start is due to the most recent Collective Bargaining Agreement, which created three to four additional off days for millionaire players throughout the season. 

That was the second every team opened on the same day since 1968.

MLB’s full slate of games began on ESPN at 1:05 p.m., when the New York Yankees had the honor of defeating the Baltimore Orioles.

2019 local excitement no doubt peaked later at 4:10 p.m., when Luis Castillo hoped to become major league baseball’s first 30-game winner since Denny McClain did it in 1968 . . . And Joey Votto would prove he is worth every penny of the roughly $45,000 he’s paid each and every time he comes to bat! Reds Hall of Famer Eric Davis had the honor of throwing out the first pitch, but the Conservative Agenda couldn’t help remembering 39 years ago, when March of Dimes Poster Child Jason Edwards got to throw out the first pitch to Reds Catcher Johnny Bench, after Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane had helped promote his good friend Keen Babbage’s legendary 14-day, 430-mile walk from the Rawlings Sporting Goods Company in St. Louis to bring the Opening Day Baseball to Fountain Square in Cincinnati.

Once again, 2019 Reds fans can forget Cincinnati’s long-discarded honor of always getting to host “Baseball’s Opening Game” every year, just because the first fully professional baseball team was the 1869 Cincinnati Red Stockings (ten men on salary for eight months from March 15 to November 15).

Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says the Cincinnati Red Stockings won their first game on May 4, 1869 by a score of 45-9.  They then went on to go 57-1 (wins-tie), touring the U.S. playing teams from Boston to San Francisco, something that had not been done before. FurBall predicts  despite winning the Opening Day game 5-3 against the Pittsburgh Pirates, the 2019 Reds’ record probably won’t be nearly so good. 

FurBall says the next year, they won another 24 straight games before finally losing 8-7 in 11 innings against the Brooklyn Atlantics on June 14.  After their first loss, attendance declined substantially and they were disbanded the following year despite only losing six games all season. Reds Sportscaster Marty Brennaman remembers it well.