TODAY IS
TUESDAY, MARCH 05, 2019
Trump’s 774th Day In Office

We can hardly wait for all the news coverage of this year’s Mardi Gras celebration.—Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

It was so tame last year, our “Girls Gone Wild at Mardi Gras” tape could turn out to be a real bust. —Mainstrasse Merchants

You know you love Mardi Gras too much if you wake up in court with your pants on backwards.—Archie Wilson

We were even going to run a special “Mardi Gras” edition of our “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” Newsletter, but nothing exciting happened.—Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders

Did you know Mardi Gras means “Fat Tuesday?”—Weight Gainers 

Does anybody at Channel 5 remember when I used to call Fat Tuesday e-Norma’s Tuesday? —Landslide Charlie Luken

Did you know when you translate “Mardi Gras,” it means “Fat Mardi.” —Goof Doofus

I still keep dreaming about Mardi Gras Night at a casino.—Ex Bluegrass Governor Steve BeShear

I keep dreaming about our NoKY DemocRAT Dominatrix dressed only in beads. —Rick “The Batboy” Robinson

Whenever I throw beads at slutty girls, they always throw them back. —Will “The Thrill” Terwort

Did they do anything special for Mardi Gras at Golden Corral? —Clueless Marc Wilson

For some of us, every Tuesday is “Fat Tuesday.”  —Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich

You can’t imagine how much drinking goes on at Mardi Gras.—Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith

 When will The Blower start counting down till BB&BJ Day? —Horny in Hebron

Why do they always celebrate Mardi Gras on a Tuesday? —TV 19’s Lingerie-Model-Turned-Reporter-Turned-Anchorbimbo Tricia “Leemarie” Macke

Does anybody remember when I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality? —Ben Swann

I can’t wait to read this year’s Sports Illustrated “Swimsuit Edition,” but only for the articles. —Your Good Friend Bobby Leach  

They have articles? —Ex-Citizens for Community Values President Phil Burr-Ass

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially SWIMSUIT PHOTOGRAPHERS.

PLAGIARISM COUNT: Unattributed material was pilfered from only 643 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.

More Mardi Gras E-Cards —      Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
   Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Mardi Gras to show that women who bare their breasts in public for a few crummy beads will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a real slut.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially guys who throw the beads.  

MARDI GRAS CELEBRATION HOT LINE
e-mail your ribald revelry today.

Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers

WHISTLEBLOWER MARDI GRAS VIDEOS 

2017 Donald Trump Mardi Gras Float — Tucks Parade — Oval Office

Krewe du Vieux Mardi Gras parade: Statue of Liberty smacks Trump

German Carnival Floats Beheads Trump

Giant Trump Float Enlivens Carnival in Nice

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.