WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2018
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Sorry we can’t find any “Honest Government Officials” to interview for Monday’s “Honesty Day” Edition. —Whistleblower Researchers
It should be really easy to make jokes about President Trump at Saturday Night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, as long as we don’t have to tell the truth. —Late Night TV Comedians
That’s why we chose Will Rogers, “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
That’s why I said “I never lie.” —Obama’s White House Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest, Still Working As Obama’s Propaganda Minister at PMSNBC
If elected officials were honest, how else would we get all our free stuff? —All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, and get all of their “fake news” from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones at The Fishwrap and on Channel 5, 9, 12, and 19
We really hope The Blower won’t be going overboard on all this “Honesty” business next Thursday (May 3) on “Press Freedom Day.” —Kneepad Liberals in the Press
It’s hard to imagine, but some people still don’t think I’m a totally honest person. —Hillary Benghazi Clinton
I finally have to tell the truth. I got a “D” at Harvard in Environmental Studies. —Al Gore
You have to be really stupid to get a “D” in anything at Harvard. —The Harvard Faculty
Even I didn’t get a “D” in any class at Harvard. —Trey Grayson
And I didn’t get a “D” in any class at Yale. —Dubya
If even one of our elected officials actually tells the truth on “Honesty Day,” that would really be “historic.” —Hurley the Historian
How ironic is it that only four years ago we were at the Supreme Court in Washington, D.C. arguing for a politician’s rights to lie their asses off during political campaigns? —COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney And His Hairless Henchman Curt Hartman, Now A Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge
If the Supreme Court hadn’t declared Sodomy Rites the Law of the Land, it wouldn’t have been our fault. —The Totally Gay Biased Fishwrap
How “Honest” was the Ohio Republican Party when we used all that donor money to attack TEA Party Patriots and Real Republicans instead of Disingenuous DemocRATS we were supposed to defeat? —Disgraced Ex-Ohio Republican Party Boss Matt Borges
How many lies do you think we had to tell when that committee from the Republican National Committee came to town to see how Cincinnati compared with the other five cities on the short list to host the 2016 Republican National Convention? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
How honest were we that time at the Forrest Gump School Board Meeting when we emerged from executive hiding and attempted to cover our asses for hiring “Smiling Dallas” Jackson in the first place. —Board Members Forest Heis, M.D.; Randy Smith; Jim Frooman; and Former Board Members Julie Bissinger and Tony Hemmelgarn
How many lies do you think we’ve told during the past few years? —The Stupid Streetcar Six (Clown-cil Members Flynn Flam,” Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback, and P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, and Wendell Young, along with Vice Mayor David Mann
Does anybody remember how the Reds promised to go wire-to-wire in first place three years ago, just like we did like when we won it all in 1990? —Nasty Boys Norm Charlton, Rob Dibble and Randy Myers
Ever since our little $300 million “Racino” opened in Anderson Township, we’ve always given suckers an even break. —Belterra Bankrollers
Please don’t ask why we were urging people to vote “No” on the Northwest Schools Levy in 2015. —Republicans for Higher Taxes
How come The Blower forgot to mention that Monday is also “Hairstyle Appreciation Day,” which allows each of us to express his special individuality? —Steve Chabothead
It’s “Save the Rhino Day” too, but we have our own sort of celebration in mind. —RINO Hunters of America
If you think honest politicians are hard to find in Ohio, you should try looking for them in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Maybe we’d get more news coverage for our campaigns in Kentucky if we called The Fishwrap and told them we supported Sodomy Rites. —Bluegrass Candidates
Tell us about it. ——Candidates in Ohio Besides Our Delusional Governor John Kasich
An honest politician is somebody with no over-taxed payers’ money to toss around. —Northern Kentucky TEA Partiers
Every week during previous years, The Blower featured quite a few dishonest people who appeared in my “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” newsletter. —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
Everybody at my place always claims he’s honest. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
You can’t cheat an honest man. —W.C. Fields
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. —Mark Twain
How come when you get to be a semi-famous author like me, you don’t automatically get your quotes in The Blower? —Rick “The BatBoy Robinson
I will be really surprised if The Blower can’t find a way to work my name into Sunday’s “Honesty Day E-dition.” —Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Deters
Please don’t remind people that the IRS filed liens on my Indian Hill mansion totaled $10 million in unpaid federal income taxes for the years 2004, 2008, 2009, 2014 and 2015. —$tan Che$ley
We weren’t too happy with you either. —UC Board of Trustees
Count us in there too. —Ohio Supreme Court
Now that the Cincinnati Reds have been mathematically eliminated for 2018, please ask Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball what he thinks of our chances this year. ——Florence Freedom Fans, Waiting for Opening Night on Thursday, May 10, presented by Titan Mechanical Solutions, including our Opening Night Home Run Derby in collaboration with the Reds Hall of Fame
Some anchorbimbos I’ve written about even wonder if “Honesty” prevents cheating on your spouse. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then “Honesty” is next to impossible. —TV19’s Trish the Dish
Adulterous Anchorbabery used to be the most popular perk at our station. —TV5 News
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially philandering politicians.
DISHONEST POLITICANS HOTLINE
e-mail your egregious examples today.
Some cynically critical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our really cynically critical subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Liar Liar: And the Truth Shall Set You Free!
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