FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2018
Happy Chinese New Year, Everybody!
Oriental Observer One Lo Ball says today the Lunar New Year 4716 begins the “Year of the Dog” in honor of all those delicacies being served at the 2018 Olympics in Korea. What do you call a Chinese Family with a pet? Vegetarians.
Last year in 2017, it was the “Year of the Rooster,” in honor of that giant rooster figure, sporting a Donald Trump hairstyle, outside a shopping mall in downtown Taiyuan, north China’s Shanxi Province.
In 2015, it was the “Year of The Monkey,” in honor of Michelle Obama during Black Lives Really, Really Matter History Month.
In 2014, it was the “Year of the Sheep,” and after Obama’s re-election in November 2012, Conservatives were still acknowledging that a Divided America would have to kowtow to the Chinese for then 347 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he was impeached.
And speaking of “Sheeple,” that was the year for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, And speaking of “Sheeple,” that was the year for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, And Failed Trying To Give Obama A Third Term By Voting For Hillary, And Get All Of Their Local “Fake News” From the Local Liberal Propaganda Media, Like The Ones At The Fishwrap And On Channel 5, 9, 12, And 19
The year before that was the “Year of the Horse,” and these days, Disgraced Former Pants Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton was really enjoying all those blow job offers he was getting while he was campaigning for Hillary.
The year before that, it was the “Year of the Snake,” and Conservatives couldn’t suck the poison of ObamaCare fast enough.
The year before that, it was the “Year of the Dragon,” and Real Republicans still hadn’t gotten over the fact that Saint Mitt didn’t slay the Dragon on that November 6.
The year before was the “Year of the Rabbit” with more comparisons between Obama and Jimmy Carter (remember that “Killer Rabbit?”)
The year before was the “Year of the Tiger,” which had to be held up until our disgraced golf star Tiger Woods got out of sex rehab.
The year before that was the “Year of the Ox,” which seemed more fitting, considering all those Dumb-Ox DemocRATS and BureaucRATS The Blower was always writing about. Maybe nominations for our King and Queen of the Oxymorons should still be open.
The year before that was the “Year of the Rat,” and we all remember who won that. The year before that was the “Year of the Pig” and who’ll ever forget our Queen of the Pig People? “Mean Jean” remembers when it was the “Year of the Bitch.” Does anybody remember “The Year of the Cock?” No wonder Ben Dover, Phil McKrevis, and Chris Squealback are still using that year’s calendar. According to The Blower’s alternate life-style contributors, that was a very good year. Actually, it was the “Year of the Rooster” like this year, but we just like to say “Cock,” so all you wussies with dirty-words filters on your computers won’t get today’s e-dition and you’ll all be wondering what else you’ve missed.
The year before that, it was the “Year of the Snake,” and Conservatives couldn’t suck the poison of ObamaCare fast enough.
The year before that, it was the “Year of the Dragon,” and Real Republicans still hadn’t gotten over the fact that Saint Mitt didn’t slay the Dragon on that November 6.
The year before was the “Year of the Rabbit” with more comparisons between Obama and Jimmy Carter (remember that “Killer Rabbit?”)
The year before was the “Year of the Tiger,” which had to be held up until our disgraced golf star Tiger Woods got out of sex rehab.
The year before that was the “Year of the Ox,” which seemed more fitting, considering all those Dumb-Ox DemocRATS and BureaucRATS The Blower was always writing about. Maybe nominations for our King and Queen of the Oxymorons should still be open.
The year before that was the “Year of the Rat,” and we all remember who won that. The year before that was the “Year of the Pig” and who’ll ever forget our Queen of the Pig People? “Mean Jean” remembers when it was the “Year of the Bitch.” Does anybody remember “The Year of the Cock?” No wonder Ben Dover, Phil McKrevis, and Chris Squealback are still using that year’s calendar. According to The Blower’s alternate life-style contributors, that was a very good year. Actually, it was the “Year of the Rooster” like this year, but we just like to say “Cock,” so all you wussies with dirty-words filters on your computers won’t get today’s e-dition and you’ll all be wondering what else you’ve missed.
On Chinese New Year’s, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Hamilton County Prosecutor ”JayWalking Joe” Deters always used to get together for hot-and-sour soup at China Gourmet on Erie Avenue, while Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo was enjoying some more sumptuous Szechuan with his gal pal Miss Vicki at the Wok in Fort Mitchell.
Meanwhile in Anderson, where the Chamber of Commerce says they have more Chinese carry-out restaurants per-capita than there are Chins in the Chinese phone book, Venerable Former Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson says if Republican Millionaire Lobbyist GOP Senator Rob “Fighting for Foo-young” Portman (Pictured as our trade deficit skyrocketed was Dubya’s TROTUS) would interrupt his non-stop campaign for Delusional Ohio Governor John Kasich’s Vice President in 2020 and once again be the grand marshal for our annual celebration at the Anderson Food Court.
No wonder our Joke of the Day Committee chose: “The only problem with Chinese New Year Jokes is that an hour later, you have to tell another one.”
More Real News Some Other Time…
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our January fund-raising drive by the Greater Cincinnati Chinese Chamber of Commerce, your main resource for all China-related matters, stimulating trustful connections, providing benefits and fostering cooperation among all regional Midwest American and Chinese organizations.
CHINESE NEW YEAR HOT & SOUR LINE
e-mail your dog brain soup recipes today. 
Some canine-cuisine-loving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally canine-cuisine-loving subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Chinese New Year Video
Meet the Parents: Chinese New Year Nightmare!
(Sent in By Joe Braun, whose Favorite Restaurant is the Hibachi Grill & Supreme Buffet in Clermont County)
PLUS
