MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2018
Happy Birthday to the Old Rail-Splitter

Hurley the Historian says today is Lincoln’s real birthday, and to celebrate that occasion in 1999, the DemocRAT Controlled U.S. Senate voted to acquit Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton on his impeachment charges of perjury and obstruction of justice.

In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo was sure none of our local Kneepad Liberals in the Press would remember any of this when our Peyronie’s President campaigned in Cincinnati for Hillary’s equally foolish attempt to campaign for president.

Today our Quote for Today Committee’s selection by Abraham Lincoln should come as no surprise: “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Back then, however, Honest Abe could’ve never imagined today’s Republicans in Congress, who always appeared ready, willing, and able to cave in to Obama every chance they got.

In 2017, what made Lincoln’s Birthday all the more historic was finding out Disgraced Sore Loser Obama’s PACs were bussing agitators to all those Republican town hall events across the country. Obama and the Obstructionist DemocRATS Game Plan was to continue to disrupt Republicans from getting things done, while Obama Supporters in the Press kept on attempting to spin favorable comparisons of Obama and Crooked Hillary while wondering aloud when their likenesses would be added to Mount Rushmore.

Maybe that’s why Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Trump Supporters all over America are in the midst of a Great Battle, testing whether this nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

And still unable to figure out any of this are all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and Failed Trying To Give Obama a Third Term By Voting For Hillary, And Get All Of Their Local “Fake News” From Our Obama Supporters In The Press, Like The Ones At The Fishwrap, And On Channel 5, 9, 12, And 19

Now, Because A Good Joke Bears Repeating

One night Disgraced Ex-President Obama was awakened from his sleep by the ghost of George Washington. Figuring that it is a great opportunity to learn from the father of our country, Obama asked him for advice on how he should’ve served his fellow Americans.

“Be honorable and honest, as I was,” Washington told Obama.

The next night President Obama was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. Obama asked him for advice on how he should’ve served his fellow Americans.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government, as I did,” Jefferson told Obama.

The next night President Obama was awakened by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Obama also asked him for advice on how he should’ve served his fellow Americans.

“Most Americans today think you should’ve taken the night off and gone to the theater.“