FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2017

Fourth of July Heroes

This week, everybody who thinks patriotism is truly passé e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is real war hero Ollie Hackworth, one of the survivors of that “Three-Against-a-Thousand Massacre” saga The Blower described last year.

Ollie wins an autographed picture of Sergeant York, a complete set of Audie Murphy westerns on DVD, and a free dinner on Veterans Day at Dummy’s Restaurant. His winning entry is:

When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Do it with your favorite guy
The Supreme Court did say
It’s all right to be gay
So you can now unzip my fly

John Adams’ Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
With all this heat, we’ll probably fry.
But that heat’s tepid compared to what will stress
George Soros and his slick buttboy P-O-T-U-S,
When they arrive at the gates of hell
After thinking their lives were so swell:
Their “administration” was just one big lie.

John Hancock’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Let’s pause to ask ourselves why
We elected a president
Born a non-US resident,
And his incompetence just makes me cry.

Benjamin Franklin’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
It will be very hard not to cry,
The folks we’ve elected
Just can’t be respected
Lions and tigers and skunks, oh my!

Richard Henry Lee’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Remember Jeremiah Wright’s cry,
“God damn America” he said
Barack was in the same bed
He’ll tell you he didn’t hear that, but it’s a lie.

And from the Anderson Laureate (whose multi-stanza limerick says, “Obama’s idea of patriotism just can’t suck enough.)

When we celebrate the Fourth of July
What some people did makes me cry;
They gave up their lives
And our freedom now thrives
Because they were brave enough to die

But we also have plenty of tyrants,
Community organizers and half-breed Hawaiians
All they want is power
And they get more by the hour
I’d like to feed them all to the lions.

Because of real heroes, those phonies survive
Because others have died, they’re still alive
But they don’t give a damn
Their uncle’s not Sam
They know how to shuck and to jive

Because great Americans have died
They can take our country for a ride
The current White House resident
Doesn’t deserve to be president
When he promised good things, he lied.

If a contest were held to select
The most egotistical person to elect
It would be a no-brainer
Because there is no one more vainer
If he wins in November, we’re wrecked.

I get so sick of watching him talk
And the arrogant style of his walk
He’s so full of his ego,
Let’s vote him out, amigo
And listen to the Dumbocrats squawk.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Obama still says it’s great to be gay.”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Anderson Trustee President “Andrew The Greek” Pappas, who’s offering free rides in the Pappas-mobile in Monday’s Holy Homophobic Heterosexual Fourth of July Day Parade in Anderson, which will go RAIN OR SHINE.”