MONDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2016

December Daze

The Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau says those Amish Christmas Tree Lights are always the biggest event in Adams County during the Yuletide Season. People drive from all over the tri-state just to see them, and this Saturday the occasion will be even more historic, because Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup will be throwing the switch to turn on the display. Call “Bronze Star’s” Office at (513) 474-7777 for a ticket to the VIP Party. Both Jewish families in Adams County will be invited to participate in their homes by lighting candles on their Hanukkah menorahs.
And with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and the Conservative Crew from Congress, that event will really rock.

ALSO IN CLERMONT COUNTY: It’s time for the Crony Chorus to sing the Second Day of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s” Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by “Mean Jean’s” Eviler Twin Sister Jennifer Black, after “Mean Jean” was again featured on MTV’s “Awesomely Bad Celebrity Fashions.” It goes something like this:

            “On the Second Day of Christmas, ‘Mean Jean’ gave to me,

            Two Red Dresses,

            And one old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.”

 

            Let’s all learn the words so we can sing them at “Mean Jean’s” upcoming Annual Holiday Party later this month, because former U.S. Representative Jean Schmidt is keeping tradition alive with her annual Christmas party.  This year it will be held at the Jack casino in downtown Cincinnati on Thursday, December 15 starting at 6:30 p.m. until 9:30 p.m. The public is invited and the casino will provide you with a complimentary $15 voucher for any type of gaming.  Just tell Security at the door you are there for the Schmidt event. Schmidt will feature her free buffet including the famous pair of peeing cherubs dispensing flowing champagne.  There will also be music and dancing and political preening.

The political elite in Northern Kentucky The political elite in Northern Kentucky are still talking about last Wednesday’s Annual Graydon Holiday Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club which has come to be known as the premiere business-holiday event on both sides of the river, made even more prestigious this year without the participation of former Graydon attorney Rick “The Batboy” Robinson. Compare that sumptuous soiree with the Chintzy Christmas event being planned by COAST’s Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney, where anybody can get in for free, but you’ll still have to pay for your own food and drinks, now that a real conservative like COAST’s new right-wing Chairman Brad Beckett is running the show. 

Political Insiders in Northern Kentucky are anxiously awaiting their engraved invitations to our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Eighth Annual Office Party. The Robster’s still trying to find a place big enough to accommodate all his friends, especially if the Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) decide to have their Holiday events at the same time and place again. What a coincidence that would be.

Thursday at 9:41 PM, it will be exactly three years since Charles Foster Kane’s Long-Time Faux Facebook Friend Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters finally “unfriended” him. Do you think it was something we could’ve written?

ORNAMENTS FOR THE DAMNED: Catholics who defied the Church and will surely burn in hell for voting for Obama can show their support by decorating their homes with Obama ornaments during the holiday season. This one only costs $8.99, plus God-only-knows-how-much for shipping-and-handling from the defunct Obama 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign.

AND YOU KNOW ITS GOING TO BE A GOOD HOLIDAY SEASON, because K-Mart just re-ordered more of those Amazing Chabotheads. Kwanza Claus says on there are now only five more shoplifting days until Kwanza. Druids will be celebrating the Winter Solstice on December 21, and Cougars in Fort Mitchell will be trolling for high school boys for some World Orgasm Day revelry.

Now here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower:

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 5
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of “Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.” It’s a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine’s Day. Could we lighten up? Please? Also the company has changed its mind about the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.

Patty

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAYS MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about last week’s Anderson High School’s Class of ‘56 Survivors Christmas Dinner at Grove Park Grille. It was a good thing nobody tried to sell ObamaCare to this group.

The poor sap would be beaten senseless by old ladies with canes. But the best part of the evening was when one of Kane’s classmates we’ll call “Carl” once again showed everybody his class ring that had been returned to him that he thought had been lost forever the night of the Senior Prom. One of his old girlfriend’s doctors found it during a Gynecological Exam.

And REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Feckless Fishwrappers.

More Conservative Christmas Cartoons

HOLIDAY PARTY HOT LINE

e-mail your engraved invitations today.

Some party crashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally party crashing subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.