WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2016
Today, jokewriters all over America really haven’t gotten back into the groove after their two-week Olympics layoff.
Meanwhile, So Far This Week On Late Night TV,

Donald Trump’s campaign chairman Paul Manafort was forced to resign on Friday following news that he had pro-Russian ties. Which really upset Trump, because he insists having all his ties made in China.
There are life-sized nude statues of Donald Trump. They showed up in cities across the country. You’d be walking in the park, and you see this statue [shows images]. Forget building the wall, Trump should just put a bunch of those things at the border.
The New York City Parks Department actually released a statement on the naked Trump statue after they took it down. This is completely real — they said, “New York City Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small.”
A 12-year-old boy is actually running one of Trump’s campaign offices in Colorado. When asked how an inexperienced child could be running things, the boy said, “Look, he’s the nominee and we’re stuck with him.

Donald Trump has been saying that Hillary Clinton looks unwell. Trump then admitted he thinks any woman over 35 looks like she’s dying.
This weekend, Donald Trump tried to win over black voters by asking them, “What the hell do you have to lose?” Coincidentally, that’s also the way he proposed to all three of his wives.
Melania Trump is planning to sue a British newspaper for defamation. Apparently, the paper called her “happily married.”
The GOP has already started making a strategy around the assumption that Hillary Clinton will win the presidency. Which may explain the Republican Party’s new slogan: “Winter Is Coming.”

• After being criticized on the MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program, Donald Trump took to Twitter to attack hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, alleging that they are having an affair. Trump tweeted, “Someday when things calm down I will tell the real story of Joe and his very insecure girlfriend Mika. Two clowns.”
Trump is reporting celebrity gossip. Like he is like half running to be “Prez” and half running to be Perez Hilton.
Also he says “when things calm down.” You’re running for president; assuming you win, things are never going to calm down. Trump thinks it’s going to be all right, he’s like, “Now that I have taken Iran, the debt crisis and ISIS, I can really blow this Joe Scarborough thing wide open. “
In a new election bombshell, the State Department has been ordered by a federal judge to produce nearly 15,000 of Hillary Clinton’s unreleased emails. I don’t want to say Hillary is worried about this story blowing up, but today she asked Ryan Lochte to make up another robbery.
Journalists have tried contacting Hillary about this damaging email development. Unfortunately, they keep getting auto-replies that say “Sorry, I am out of the Oval Office until January.”
In other Clinton news, her campaign manager, Robby Mook, said in an interview on CNN that they are having a hard time finding someone as “hateful” and “divisive” as Trump to go up against Hillary in her practice debates. It seems like it’d be easy to prep for a Trump debate — just get a parrot and train it to say three things: “email,” “wall,” and “huge.”

• Donald Trump’s new campaign manager Kellyanne Conway yesterday told interviewers that she does not believe Trump hurls personal insults. She said, “Trump, you tell them, stupid.”
President Obama and the first family returned Sunday from their summer vacation in Martha’s Vineyard only to find the locks had been changed.
Donald Trump yesterday continued his attempts to appeal to black voters, telling attendees at a rally, “What the hell do you have to lose? Give me a chance!” Said black voters, “We’re not at this rally.”
The Trump campaign recently announced that Donald Trump will be delaying his major address on immigration that was originally scheduled to take place on Thursday. So if you want to know where Trump stands on immigration, you’ll just have to wait until a year ago.

Donald Trump is accusing Hillary Clinton of being too ill, too frail to be commander in chief. Rudy Giuliani made a suggestion to go online and look up “Hillary Clinton illness” – if it’s on the internet, you know it must be true.

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