FRIDAY, AUGUST 12, 2014

Bluegrass Bouillabaisse

Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the annual Great Inland Seafood Festival kicked-off last night in Newport at 1 Levee Way in Newport. All weekend, seafood lovers will have the opportunity to try fabulous dishes, featuring everything from shrimp to whole lobsters. And this year, seafood lovers, many of the vendors are from that area of the Gulf Coast where BP spilled all that oil a few years ago. Can’t you just feel your taste buds tingle in anticipation?

Newport city officials claim they’re expecting about 250 million people to dine on seafood along their city’s riverfront this weekend at the Great Inland Seafood Festival. Didn’t we read something about the danger of eating shellfish in any month without an “R” in it?

Still, the CamBoozler says, “Please, no pushing and shoving at this weekend’s Inland Seafood Festival. We promise we won’t run out at the free all-you-can-eat raw squid buffet.”

And our old pal Bobby Leach says, “Ladies, don’t forget to visit the Greedy Weasels at the iHeartless Radio booth at the Great Inland Seafood Fest. The winner of our big contest gets a free case of crabs.”

The CamBoozler had relatives in town from the Virginia Beach area last year and they went down to the so-called Great Inland Seafood Fest. After tasting several of the entrees, his guests wanted to know if all of the seafood was really taken from the Ohio River. CamBoo’s cousin said they should’ve called it the “Great Inland Smell and Gag Seafood Festival.”

Do you suppose it’s just a coincidence that this weekend’s Great Inland Seafood Fest in Newport is so close to the Aquarium?

And do you remember when this weekend’s Great Inland Seafood Festival used to be held on the North Shore in Ohio? Do you remember when The Blower predicted the event would move to Northern Kentucky? We do.

Now here are the Top Ten Things you really don’t want to overhear at the Great Inland Seafood Festival in Northern Kentucky:

10. “And the idiot ATE it?”
9. “Do you want eyes with that?”
8. “Well, fish it out.”
7. “Wait a minute…The squid’s still alive! THE SQUID’S STILL ALIVE!”
6. “Sure, I have crabs.”
5. “Damn it! That’s the third Band-Aid I’ve lost today.”
4. “Would you care to pound my flounder, Mr. McKrevis?”
3. “Is that an eel in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
2. “No thanks, We’re just trolling.”
…and the Number One thing you really don’t want to hear at the Great Inland Seafood Festival in Northern Kentucky is… “Hello, I’m Jerry Springer. Would any of you girls accept my personal check?”

Hurley the Historian remembers around this time in 1969, the Woodstock Music Festival began. Liberals say it was all about “Peace and Love.” But Obama’s “historic” Inauguration attendees in one day made even more of a mess of the Capitol Mall than all of those hippies made of that farmer’s cow pasture in over a week in 1969.

Ken CamBoo CamBoo likes to read some of the old e-ditions Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders’ undignified and insulting e-newsletter was on cyber newsstands.

Like this This Week In Kenton Circuit Court, which was so chock full of felons, Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl needed several buses to haul them all off to prison.  But one ugly mug we didn’t see in that e-dition was former attorney, but forever a loudmouth Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters! 

The Robster reminded us that’s because his office only prosecutes felons and Deters was only arrested on a warrant for failing to appear in traffic court.  Deters wasn’t a felon yet but we’re sure when that day comes, the Robster will be more than happy to prosecute that case “with glee!”

Finally, those folks wondering why they haven’t seen much of the lovely Miss Vicki lately will be pleasantly surprised to spot her at the Bungals first pre-season home game against the Minnesota Vikings tonight!  Remember last week when Someone asked why seats on the 50-yard line are so expensive? Remember also that our Good Friend Bobby Leach said, “Because they’re worth it.”

This is the Official Inland Seafood Festival E-dition. Any other publication claiming to the Official Inland Seafood Festival Edition is surely a fake.

SEAFOOD FEST HOT LINE

e-mail your crabby complaints today. 

Some seafood smelling items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really seafood smelling subscribers, but we could always use more.

Whistleblower Video Link of the Day

Sent in by a well-known Shark Hunter named Quint.

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