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THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 2016
Unfortunately, Some People Just Can’t Take A Joke
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1984, President Ronald Reagan made a joking off-the-cuff remark about bombing Russia while testing a microphone before a scheduled radio address.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Reagan’s “My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.” Kneepad Liberals in the Press still haven’t gotten over it.
Can anybody imagine what our Obama and Hillary Supporters In The Press would do if Donald Trump dared to make such a joke?
SPEAKING OF THE TRUMPSTER, Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen didn’t actually get to introduce Donald Trump at that conference for religious leaders in Orlando this afternoon. Mike Huckabee was traveling with Trump today, so McEwen got to introduce Huckabee, who then introduced The Donald. No word if McEwen got to pass on The Blower’s insult for Trump to use against Crooked Hillary. If all those Obama and Hillary Supporters in the Press suddenly start whining about Trump saying she’s “Every guy’s bad first wife,” you’ll know McEwen’s Mission was accomplished.
ANOTHER RIGHTEOUS SHOOTING: Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe Deters” announced Thursday afternoon that the July 29 shooting of Anton Kirby by a convenience store clerk was “justified.” Jeremy Donohue, who struck the 18-year-old with four shots from a .380 revolver, will not face charges, Deter said. Kirby, 18, entered Harrison Food Mart just after 11 p.m. on July 29 wearing blue latex gloves and wielding a handgun, according to official documents. He demanded that Donohue empty the cash register and Donohue complied, according to the prosecutor’s office. Kirby then ordered Donohue to the manager’s office to empty the safe, which Donohue was not able to do. After Kirby led Donohue back to the counter, the clerk retrieved his handgun from his waistband and fired, Deters said. Donohue is a concealed carry permit holder in Hamilton County. Kirby later died as a result of the shooting on Aug. 1. “This behavior by Anton Kirby, at least in my mind, is totally out of character,” Deters said at the press conference. “He comes from a good family. He’s never been in trouble before. But for some reason he decided to go into this food mart and put a gun in the clerk’s face. As I have said before and I want to be very clear, if you take a gun into a story in order to rob it, you have forfeited your right not to be shot.”
SPEAKING OF SHOOTINGS: It was a great decision for the City of Cincinnati to implement use of body cameras but, the same old question comes to mind: What took you so long? The agency was prepared to adopt this system five years ago however, our not-so-revered, 14-star general Craig and his successor, “Good ole what’s his name from Columbus,” dragged their feet and couldn’t make a decision on this issue or any other matter!
OUR POLITICAL JUNKIE WE CALL CINCY DAVE TOTALLY AGREES WITH THE BLOWER, at least about Cincinnati’s Stupid Streetcar: It will go down in history as a complete failure, right along with the Cincinnati Subway, except that it will operate at a huge loss for 10 or 20 years until some politician or a group of politicians gets enough power to get rid of it. At least the subway only incurred construction costs and not much else. And they did recoup a big chunk of the cost when they put a five-foot water main in one of the tunnels, thereby saving the cost of a lot of excavation work. No such savings or benefit will come from this boondoggle. Lots of people will ride it once, but never again. It doesn’t even have the benefit of being nostalgic, as the S.F. cable cars of N.O. streetcars, because it is such an ugly modern piece of junk. And wait until the accidents start happening. There will probably be many other unforeseen problems. Just consider it another half a billion out the window or up in smoke. I just hope we live to see the end of it, but probably not. So we will never be able to say, “told you so.”
AND SPEAKING OF THE POLICE, when Patronage County Deputies found a man’s body in the river, the dead man’s name was not released until his family was notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a ‘Hillary for President’ T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum. The police removed the Hillary T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
FOOLS IN SCHOOLS: Failed CP$ teachers scramble to make last-minute classroom preparations, for free, of course, Failed and Utterly Useless Teacher’s Union “President” Julie SellYourSoul sends out a last minute request begging members to walk door-to-door in support of Hillary Clinton. There is nothing like one lying “president” supporting another Lying Hillary at the expense of union members. Please join us for the BBQ so everyone can taste what a big weenie tastes like. HELL NO TO NEW TAXES IN NOVEMBER.
SENIOR SPOILED SPORTS EDITOR ANDY FURBALL says the giant corporation Nike has been in the news this week on the internet for some questionable activities, such as in the past hiring Tiger Woods’ father Earl Woods as a “director of new talent” at a large salary so Tiger could keep his amateur golf status while recommending Nike shoes without pay. Nike still enters into questionable “deals” locally. Take, for example, Nike has signed agreements with local high schools to wear only Nike shoes for all their games. The players have to buy the shoes with their own money, but Nike gives a large chunk of money to the coaches who enter into these agreements. Additionally, the local high school coaches also sell Nike shoes to their players at retail prices but the coaches get the shoes from Nike at a sizeable discount, thus making more profit. Cheating the teenagers? Way to go, coaches. One egregious example of this practice is Moeller high school football coach John Rodenberg.
AND WHY WAS IT NO EXPLANATION HAS BEEN GIVEN about why Cincinnati resident and Cincinnati Public Schools student Fauna Jackson “disappeared” in the Grand Teton National Park, cutting and dyeing her hair, changing her clothes and running away from sheriff’s deputies when they approached her? The sixteen-year old was working on a volunteer service project in the park sponsored by Groundwork USA-Millcreek. Jackson was found in the park early this past Sunday morning just four miles from the spot where she disappeared. Anyone want to bet planning sex with someone was the base reason why she disappeared? Over one hundred people searched for her, including search and rescue, civil air patrol, sheriff’s deputies and volunteers. On Monday, her mother and stepfather begged the public for money via online GoFundMe for their trip to Teton County, Wyoming to bring her back to Cincinnati. This bratty girl and her family should be held responsible for the public expense involved in searching for her.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says for some strange reason, Covington Police Chief Bryan Carter ordered his staff not to let Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders and his staff into the police headquarters without a police escort. What’s up with that?
Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
At this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the importance of this year’s elections. Kane explained: The next 89 days will be the most important period in American History for our non-stop campaign against Political Correctness, the Devolution of American Culture, and the Liberal News Media. Congress and Kneepad Liberals in the Press will continue to lie and say really stupid things without a smidgen of journalistic integrity to advance the Liberal Agenda.
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Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our August fund-raising drive from the Great Inland Seafood Festival, serving crabs for more than a quarter of a century.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
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