Your Official Publication of Record For The Conservative Agenda
SUNDAY, AUGUST 7, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1912, Teddy Roosevelt was nominated for president by a group of Revolting Republicans called the Bull Moose Party. One wonders what our TEA Party Patriots would be calling them today.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Teddy Roosevelt’s “There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Obama and Hillary still won’t say it, but most voters continue to believe the United States is at war with radical Islamic terrorism.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER LIKED JIMMY FALLON’S: A new survey finds that Hillary Clinton has more support in the marijuana industry than Donald Trump. Or in other words, Hillary Clinton will definitely win the vote of people who won’t remember to vote. I saw that Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega has picked his wife to run as his vice presidential candidate. Then Bill and Hillary looked at each other for a second and went, “Nah, nah.”
JIMMY KIMMEL SAID: I want to wish a happy birthday to President Obama, who turned 55 today. Big celebration at the White House. The White House staff sang to him. Then the president blew out the candles on his vegan, whole-grain, carrot prune loaf. Donald Trump also offered birthday wishes on Twitter this week. He wrote, “President Obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the United States.” It’s sweet, though, because he said “perhaps,” and he wouldn’t do that on any other day. You know if Trump becomes president, he’s definitely going to make his birthday a national holiday, right? “Sorry, Lincoln, you’re a loser and you are out.”
SETH MEYERS SAID: Happy birthday to Obama who turned 55 today! He made a wish and blew out the candles, but then 
when he opened his eyes, he was still president. A Fox News national poll found that people prefer Hillary Clinton to Donald Trump by 10 points. While an MSNBC poll found that Hillary Clinton has already been president for two years. Donald Trump yesterday met with RNC officials who reportedly grew so angry with Trump during the meeting that they yelled at him, “Do you realize how badly you’re screwing this up?” Said Trump, “The best? I’m screwing it up the best, right?”
STEPHEN COLBERT SAID: It looks like all the controversies are taking their toll, with reports that Trump’s campaign staff feel like they are wasting their time and that Trump’s staff is suicidal. They’d jump off the building, but they’re afraid they’d see the word “Trump” on the way down. Trump and his party raised $82 million last month, much of it from small donations, with supporters pitching in $10 to $25 apiece. And they can feel good knowing that every dollar will help Donald Trump reach his ultimate goal — attack ads against Paul Ryan. A CNN reporter spoke to one of Trump’s donors, who said, “Unfortunately, I set up a recurring political contribution on Donald Trump’s website, and there’s no place on the website to stop the recurring payment.” Oops! Supporting Trump is like joining a gym, only it’s democracy that isn’t working out.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: August is a month for vacations and we have another timely poem from Bunky Tadwell.
Ode to August
They’re called the “Dog Days of Summer”
Perhaps the name is right.
But when the name is action
To the cats belong the night.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “Fountain Square Frolics,” our Patronage County Commissioners were recalling all of that Fabulous News Coverage promoting the Gay Agenda during the Attack on Marriage Hearing at the Federal Courthouse in Cincinnati: This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says if gouging customers a so-called “Federal Subscriber Line Charge” is such a great idea, along with a FCC Regulatory Fee, Federal Universal Service Fund charge, a state TRS Recovery Fee, and a Federal Regulator Fee, why isn’t Warner Cable Business Class telling people about it in all their commercials on TV?
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” ,” #227 says you should quote the wisdom of Al “All-American” Gore, like when he said “Who are these people?” (To a tour guide at Monticello after seeing busts of George Washington and Ben Franklin.)
JOHN GALT says, “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says The strong July jobs report helped the stock market break out of its summer doldrums. After more than three weeks of small market moves, when the Dow rose or fell less than 100 points each day, stocks jumped higher in response to better-than-expected job growth for the second month in a row. Past market pauses were also times when stocks gathered strength, and it looks like it’s happening again.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if Donald Trump has come up with a new nickname for “Crooked Hillary.” The Blower has a suggestion for The Trumpster, and Our Good Friend, Revered Former Ohio Congressman Bob McEwen says he’ll whisper it in Trump’s ear when he introduces him at the American Renewal Event in Orlando on Thursday.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (AUGUST 8) we’ll see if Hillary has offered to be hooked up to a lie detector during her next press conference, and we’ll still be continuing to count down the 165 Days of Dishonesty for the rest of the nation remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (AUGUST 9) The Blower will be looking to see the latest Politically Correct Propaganda being passed off as news, and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will try to come up with a few politically incorrect responses.
WEDNESDAY (AUGUST 10) we’ll be checking to see if Wikileaks founder Julian Assange’s Whistleblower-Newswire copycat website has released any more e-mails to embarrass Hillary.
THURSDAY (AUGUST 11) we’ll be scarfing down shrimp at the Great Inland Seafood Festival beginning tonight on the banks of the Ohio River in Newport Kentucky.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (AUGUST 12) LIMERICK IS “When your kids finally go back to school.”
AND SATURDAY (AUGUST 13) we’ll be recalling the 1985 engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenagger, when some people doubted if that political marriage would ever last.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Ohio’s Delusional Republican Governor John Kasich, who’s still swears Donald Trump begged him to be his running mate.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video Of The Day
