FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2016
Fine Dining on a Stick
This week, everybody who thinks holding this year’s Distaste of Cincinnati at Fountain Square is just about what you’d expect from the worst-run city in America that spent $42 million to wipe out every business in the area for two years while they moved the Fountain six freaking feet North during their guaranteed one-year renovation project, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Avoirdupois Andersonian Freddy Fatassi. Our Weight Gainers member says driving downtown has always been expensive, even before you had to take out a second mortgage to fill the tank on your SUV, but trekking downtown just to eat an overpriced chicken wing or a meatball on a stick? As always, downtown trolleys would be the answer. Freddy wins an “I Survived the Distaste of Cincinnati” T-Shirt, an opportunity to buy a slice of Larosa’s Pepperoni Cheese Pizza for $3, a scoop of Graeter’s Ice Cream for $4, a crappy $5 Izzy’s Reuben sandwich for $7.75, or $17.95 for a month’s supply of Beano for the ride home. His winning entry is:
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
Five bucks buys an overcooked hamburger patty.
Or sushi the size of a lousy nickel
(A buck extra if you add a pickle);
And the trailer park trash makes the venue so ratty.
Jeff Ruby says
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The choices almost drive me batty.
The chefs all compete
To induce you to eat
Something fancy, no plain burger patty.
Dean Gregory says
Some of the food tastes funny,
Some is hard, some soft, some runny.
You need to make sure
And not go if you’re poor
‘Cause whatever you get, it will cost lots of money.
Jean-Robert de Cavel says
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti.
The streets are all jammed full of fatties
They walk stand to stand
With pop-corn in hand
Slurpin’ diet cokes to look good for their Daddies.
Emeril Lagasse says
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
We shell out for portions quite ratty.
You’ll be served brats and metts
Right next to Port-O-Lets,
And for the gourmet? Filet of catty!
And from the Anderson Gourmet (who’s still not successfully completed his correspondence course in low-fat cooking):
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The throngs and hordes drive me batty.
So I think I’ll stay home
On my chair of styrofoam
And listen to Gian Carlo Menotti
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti,
You promise to eat only one burger patty.
But there is so much good food
And you’re in a gluttonous mood
So you end up being the same old fatty.
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
The prices get more and more batty.
This I think I’ll stay home,
And eat something in Styrofoam
Maybe a veggie burger, or tofu patty.
