TUESDAY, MAY 17, 2016
The Lighter Side Of Male Urination
With all those columns and stories we’re seeing about Obama’s allowing dirty old men to pee in little girls’ bathroom these days, copy editors will soon be telling reporters and columnists to come up with some better words and phrases to describe the act of male urination. Let’s face it, when describing a vile-and-disgusting pervert in a ladies’ room, to say he went in “to take a pee” just won’t do.
That’s why our Cunning Linguist came up with these somewhat more colorful alternatives.
- Aim Archie at the Armitage
- Answer the call of nature (or nature’s call)
- Beating the piss out of the little guy
- Blasting the beast
- Bleeding the lizard
- Breaking the seal (specifically the first visit during a drinking session)
- Change water on the goldfish
- Coffee dump
- Cooling a tire (American truck driver slang)
- Do a wee
- Draining the Anaconda
- Draining the dragon
- Draining the lizard
- Draining the main vein
- Draining the radiator
- Draining the sleepy weasel
- Draining the one-eyed monster
- Draining my rpg
- Draining down the system
- Empty my tank
- Flush my buffers
- Freshen my Snapple
- Go pee pee
- Going to the office
- Going to water my horse
- Hosing the porcelain
- Humping the cat loin
- Jimmy Riddle
- Leak the lizard
- Let er’ fly
- Lift leg (used commonly among members of the furry fandom, derived from how male canines urinate)
- Lower the water level
- Make one’s bladder gladder
- Number one
- Parking my breakfast
- Pass water
- Paying the water bill
- Pee
- Pwenk (very rare)
- Pee Pee
- Piddle (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
- Piss
- Pit stop
- Point Percy at the Porcelain
- Point the Pink Pistol at the Porcelain Firing Range
- Powder one’s nose
- Punish the porcelain
- Putting out the fire
- Raining on the bowl
- Release the pressure
- Refresh the body
- Relieve yourself
- See a man about a horse
- Shaking hands with the president
- Shaking hands with the vicar
- Shaking hands with the wife’s best friend
- Shaking the dew off the lily
- Soaking yourself
- Splashing the pirate
- Spend a penny
- Sprinkle
- Sprinkle my tinkle
- Squeeze the lemon
- Squirt
- Squirt(ing) the dirt (American truck driver slang)
- Steering Stanley to the stainless steel
- Syphon the python
- Taking a leak
- Taking a pee
- Taking a piss (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
- Taking a slash
- Taking a squirt
- Taking a whiz`z
- Tapping a kidney
- Tinkle
- Training Thomas on the terracotta
- Troggle
- Twinkle
- Visit Uncle Charley
- Visit the urination station
- Void my bladder
- Walk my snake
- Wash my mongoose
- Water my weasel
- Watering the flowers (outdoor)
- Write my name in the water
- Write my name in the snow
- Take a wicked “Yes” (Family Guy; Peter Griffin in French class after hearing the words, Oui Oui)
- Having a slash
- Take a Chinese singing lesson
- Running the Sidney Lanier Bridge
- Talking to grandma slowly
- To go and spend a penny
And if you really wanted to have a little fun, you could make a joke out of a man going into a ladies’ room, like Peter O’Toole did in “My Favorite Year.”
Obviously, these aren’t the only words and phrases for male urination. E-mail your vile-and-disgusting suggestions today.
