FRIDAY, MAY 13, 2016
Mother’s Day Madness
This week, everybody who’s glad his mother didn’t ditch him in a dumpster, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is MF Goodson, who says his mother deserves a much better Mother’s Day than he’s able to afford without asking her for the money.
MF wins a “World’s Worst Mom” coffee mug from K-mart, a Mother’s Day Card his wife made with crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a voice-mail message from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t called visited his own mother for the last six months. His winning entry is:
Last Sunday, was your Mother’s Day.
To show her you’re grateful, you’d say,
Thanks for making me wear dresses,
And for brushing my tresses,
It’s no wonder I turned out to be gay.”
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
Last Sunday, it was your Mother’s Day.
And you bought her a lovely bouquet.
If you’d said “Come to our house,”
She would’ve made you feel like a louse
If you’d send her home when she wanted to stay.
