TUESDAY, MAY 10, 2016
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Isn’t it awful the way some politicians always exploit Mother’s Day as just another way to try to raise money? —Mrs. Bill Clinton, Ohio Governor Kasich, Ohio U.S. Senator Rob “Fighting for Families” Portman, Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine, DemocRAT Bluegrass Secretary of State Alison Wondergams Grimes, and Barack Obama
There are still a few Republicans in Ohio who haven’t sent in their donations to honor the Governor’s Birthday Card. —Ohio RINO Party Boss Matt Borges
Did you see where Kneepad Liberals in the Press now want Rob “Fighting for Same-Sex Sodomy” Portman to help “reshape” the Republican Marriage Platform?—Bewildered Constituents
That’s why we’re always so pleased to have Ohio’s Same-Sex-Supporting Senator Rob Portman to be a featured speaker at this year’s Hamilton County RINO Party Lincoln-Reagan-Portman Dinner. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
Do you think Alex T. would allow me to speak if I showed up at his room full of RINOs? —“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman
Is there still time to ask your local RINOs to remove our names from their sleazy fund-raising dinner on Saturday? —Lincoln and Reagan
This week in 2002, Dingbat DemocRAT Jimmy Carter embarrassed us all when he let Fidel Castro look down on him in Cuba, and this year Obama’s planning to visit Hiroshima where nobody really believes him when he says he won’t be apologizing again.—Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose 2016 Republican Presidential Runner-Up Candidate Ted Cruz’s “The consequence of the Obama/Clinton foreign policy is that our friends no longer trust us, and our enemies no longer fear us.” —Your Quote For Today Committee
Is our TEA Party Texan still following our plan to win the White House in 2016 or what?—The Conservative Agenda
Thanks for continuing to publish my work in The Blower in spite of threats of violence and intimidation from the Gaystapo and other Liberal Hate Groups. —Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception, winner of the $50,000 Conservative Artwork Award
Maybe we should accept Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s suggestion to ask those guys I’m paying all that money to “manage my campaign” to try to get my name in the news once in a while during the next 182 days. —Andy Pappas, Republican Candidate for Hamilton County Commissioner
With only seven more days until the Bluegrass Primary Elections on May 17, shouldn’t we be following The Blower’s lead and actually begin reporting on some of those races? —Feckless Fishwrappers
Does everybody remember how I used to stay above the fray and run funny campaign commercials about my opponents? —TEA Party Guy Matt Bevin
In Independence, where incest is best, Mother’s Day is always a family affair, because it’s also “Cousins Day” in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Everybody in MILF-ord was waiting for The Blower to include me in Monday’s MILF Day E-dition this year. —MILF-ord Mayor Laurie Howland
Did I forget to put out a special Mother’s Day edition of my titillating e-newsletter this week? —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
We told you we could drink your mother under the table. —Michael Liquid Plummer and His Designated Driver, Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
Did you see that Mother’s Day card I sent to all those Mothers in the Bluegrass Bar Association? —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, Who Once Upon a Time Used to Claim To Be A Lawyer
The law says you can’t discriminate against a mother, even if she’s a lesbian. —Covington Commissioners
On Mother’s Day, single mothers with big breasts always drink free. —Mainstrasse Pub
In southern Boone County, they even have Mother’s Day cards for barnyard animals. — Gex “Rhymes with Sex” Williams
My mother needed more protection, so I went out and bought my pistol-packing mama another Glock, along with a concealed carry permit. —Bluegrass Rifle Association spokesman Billy Bob Carbine
Wherever I went on Mother’s Day, everybody asked me what a MILF was. —Bobby Leach
Sometimes we call it MILF Madness. —Boys with Boners
Bill Fesh says he was once sexually harassed by a MILF. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel
A MILF is a terrible thing to waste. —Horny in Hebron
When does The Blower’s Official MILF List come out? I want to be on it. —Lisa Wells, WLW Radio
Can Cougars be MILFs too? —Uptight Bitches in Fort Mitchell hoping for real orgasms
Don’t forget to mention me. —Jenny Dinkel
Why don’t you just give your readers our definition. —Wikipedia
This year’s Mother’s Day buffet at the Golden Corral was better than ever. —Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich and Clueless Marc Wilson
Last weekend we showed “MILFs from Outer Space.” —Flashlight Theatre
Don’t forget, Opening Day for my Y’All Ville baseball team is coming up pretty soon. —Mayor Blondie Whalen
Hey, Everybody… Trish the Dish still wants to know when Unwed Teenage Mother’s Day is. —TV 19 News
Channel 9 “Substantially True” News” plans to do a story on that very subject. —WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Northern Kentucky MILF Watchers.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower uses family photographs to show that exploiting your mother of any kind is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Alison Wondergams Grimes, shown here campaigning with both her mother and her grandmother.
MOTHER’S DAY EXPLOITATION HOTLINE
e-mail your egregious examples today.
Some outrageous items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally outrageous subscribers. WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
THE CRIMINAL ARROGANCE OF HILLARY CLINTON
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
