SUNDAY, MAY 8, 2016

More Politics Unusual

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this day in 1945, both Great Britain and the United States celebrate Victory in Europe Day. Cities in both nations, as well as formerly occupied cities in Western Europe, put out flags and banners, rejoicing in the defeat of the Nazi war machine. It’s hard to imagine anything like that happening during America’s Dark Ages of Obama, especially by all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5.

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Winston Churchill’s “My dear friends, this is your hour. This is not victory of a party or of any class. It’s a victory of the great British nation as a whole.”

OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: I saw that former presidents George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush announced that they will not endorse anyone in the 2016 presidential race. Even crazier, they said that before Jeb dropped out.

Conan O’Brien said: in honor of Cinco de Mayo, Donald Trump tweeted a picture of himself eating a taco bowl. Then, Trump tried to get Mexico to pay for it. Today is the Mexican holiday of Cinco de Mayo. Or as it will be known under President Trump, “May the Goddamn Fifth.” Donald Trump said his vice presidential pick might be one of his presidential rivals. When asked which one, Trump said, “I haven’t decided yet if it’s the liar, the loser, or the fat pig.” Despite falling behind in delegates, Bernie Sanders insists he still has nine states left to go. Unfortunately, five of those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining, and Acceptance.

Jimmy Kimmel said: Donald Trump observed Cinco de Mayo. He posted this on Facebook, “Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!” There you go. All is forgiven. He even built a little wall around the Mexican salad so it doesn’t get on his American desk. Donald Trump says that by the 100th day of his presidency the wall on the border of Mexico will be designed, the immigration ban on Muslims will be in place, the four horsemen will be scheduled to appear. He’ll get to work chiseling Roosevelt’s face on Mount Rushmore and replacing it with his own. If Bernie Sanders is elected, he plans on spending the first 100 days figuring out the Lincoln Bedroom DVR. Bernie’s reportedly running out of money. They’re said to be low on cash. His fundraising fell in April partly due to the fact that most of his donors were at Coachella for most of April.

Seth Meyers said: Bernie Sanders said yesterday that he intends to do everything that he can to prevent a Donald Trump presidency. Though I don’t know what he can try that Donald Trump hasn’t tried already. Donald Trump has already started outlining plans for what he hopes to accomplish during his first 100 days in office. Once he’s done outlining, he’s going to start coloring it in. “What’s the best color for walls?” Today is Cinco de Mayo, which commemorates the time the French army was defeated in the battle of “La Puebla” by drunk white girls in sombreros. “It’s Cinco de mayo!” said Chris Christie as he finished his fifth jar of mayonnaise. President Obama and the first lady were seen dancing with R2D2 and Storm Troopers yesterday in honor of Star Wars day. But C-3PO wasn’t there — that’s just how the president dances.

And Stephen Colbert said: Happy Cinco de Mayo! You know who doesn’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo? Mexicans. We drink on St. Patty’s Day for the Irish. We drink on Oktoberfest for the Germans, and we drink on Thanksgiving to forget what we did to Native Americans. Trump has graciously said that he’s willing to consider some of his previous Republican rivals [for vice president], as long as they don’t remember any of the things he said about them. So we might be looking at the ticket of “Trump/Liar ’16,” “Trump/Low Energy ’16,” “Trump/A Face Like That ’16,” and “Trump/Lil’ Sweaty Guy ’16.” All winning tickets. We’re still all reeling from Tuesday’s primary in Indiana. It was a huge night. Two people were knocked out of the race, and one was just knocked out. But there’s one candidate who remained standing: Bernie Sanders. Bernie scored a huge upset victory that raised his campaign from the grave. Which explains why he has the same hair as an extra on “The Walking Dead.” 

 NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES: Just in time for Mother’s Day Madness, we found this in his “I’ve Forgotten Mama,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.                                                              

            There’ll soon be a day for your Mother
            A day we treat like no other.
            When she heard God’s voice
            And then make her choice
            She said, “You, I won’t bother to smother.”

IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “RACINO RIFF RAFF,” we learned how after seeing all that great free publicity Anderson Township Trustees got for themselves at last year’s night’s opening of Belterra’s “Racino” in Anderson Township, our three publicity starved Commissioners from Patronage County were discussing  how soon they could get one of those Money Making Gambling Emporiums for themselves on the ride home. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.

OUR MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says in Cincinnati police District 2, which covers Hyde Park, Oakley, Madisonville and Pleasant Ridge, the first female district commander Kimberly Williams was appointed to District 2 with a lot of fanfare three months ago. Has that District improved?  Not much.

LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #130 is an anagram: “President Barack Hussein Obama = A DemocRAT speaks inane rubbish.”

JOHN GALT says “Happiness is possible only to a rational man, the man who desires nothing but rational goals, seek nothing but rational values and finds his joy in nothing but rational actions. “ 

WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says, stocks closed modestly higher on Friday, ending three days of losses, after the U.S. government’s disappointing jobs report added to speculation that the Federal Reserve might keep interest rates low for another year.

THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and Americans like free stuff. That’s one reason why Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders is popular with low-paid workers and students. He is going to make everything free – free health care, free college, free family leave, free day care, free this, free that. You know something is incredibly wrong when even liberal Hillary Clinton bemoans all the free stuff Bernie wants to give away. Clinton tells DemocRAT voters to read the fine print on Sanders’ cascading waterfall of free stuff.

Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.

Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why there wasn’t any special mention of World Press Freedom Day on Tuesday. In 1993, the UN General Assembly proclaimed May 3 each year to be World Press Freedom Day, and each year, UNESCO awards the UNESCO/Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize to someone who has made a major contribution towards journalistic freedom.

“We didn’t win this year’s award,” Kane explained, since the 2016 Prize had been awarded to Khadija Ismayilova, an investigative journalist and outspoken atheist from Azerbaijan, “But I understand we were a runner up.”

Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.

 THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.

AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:

MONDAY (MAY 9) The Blower will be featuring our Annual “Moms and MILFs” E-dition, and we’ll be continuing to count down the 256 unproductive days for the rest of the nation remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached. 

TUESDAY (MAY 10) we’ll be reporting on how all those politicians were exploiting Mother’s Day this year, and “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will be doing their best to criticize the worst offenders.

WEDNESDAY (MAY 11) we’ll be reminding you not to use the word “Thug,” now that the Political Correctness Police say it’s like calling somebody a “Nigger.” 

THURSDAY (MAY 12) we’ll be we’ll be celebrating Edward Lear’s 204th Birthday, and you’ll learn why that’s important at The Blower. 

THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MAY 13) LIMERICK IS “The best way to celebrate your Mother’s Day.”

AND SATURDAY (MAY 14) we’ll be getting ready for  Peace Officers Memorial Day, which is held annually in the United States on May 15 in honor of federal, state and local officers killed or disabled in the line of duty. It is observed in conjunction with Police Week.

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio RINO Senator Rob “Fighting for Same-Sex Marriage” Portman, who’s trying to put as much distance between him and Trump as possible, without alienating Trump’s fired-up voting base. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows Portman trying to explain to a Conservative exactly where he stands.

WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

Today’s Whistleblower Video
Hillary’s Fragrance
(The Favorite Video in today’s Weekend Video Review E-dition)

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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