SATURDAY, APRIL 9, 2016

These Fictitious People Still Sound A Lot Like Some People We Know

         Here’s another column featuring the same sleazy 1980s characters at the satirical Patronage County Courthouse, to illustrate things going on hereabouts these days, so our Persons of Consequence might gain yet another useful perspective on the news.

These articles are Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as the struggling columnist below who shares his acute and surprisingly accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.

“Family Friendly” By James Jay Schifrin 

         “Bring Your Children to Work Day” was celebrated all over Ohio on Thursday, but nowhere more so than at the Patronage County Courthouse, our three family-friendly county commissioners were commemorating the event.

        “I remember the first time I brought my son to work on ‘Bring Your Children to Work Day,’ said Commissioner Pilfer. “He had so much fun, it was easy to get him a cushy county government job when he grew up.”

        “I used to bring my daughter to work on ‘Bring Your Children to Work Day,’ ” said Commissioner Filch. “And now she’s the director of the Nepotism Department. Today she’s trying to find a $50,000-a-year job for the Party Boss’ ex-wife, so he doesn’t have to pay her alimony.”

        “I brought both of my children to work at the courthouse on ‘Bring Your Children to Work Day’ when they were young,” added Commissioner Swindle. “Unfortunately, I’m still doing it every day, because they both still live at home.”

This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.