TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2016    

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers  

Sorry we can’t find any “Honest Elected Officials” to interview for Thursday’s “Honesty Day” Edition. —Whistleblower Researchers

It should be really easy to make jokes about Obama at Saturday Night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, as long as we don’t have to tell the truth. —Late Night TV Comedians

That’s why we chose Will Rogers, “I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

That’s why I said “I never lie.” —Obama’s White House Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest

If elected officials were honest, how else would we get all our free stuff? —All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5

We really hope The Blower won’t be going overboard on all this “Honesty” business next Tuesday on “Press Freedom Day.” —Kneepad Liberals in the Press

It’s hard to imagine, but some people don’t think I’m a totally honest person. —Hillary Benghazi Clinton

I finally have to tell the truth. I got a “D” at Harvard in Environmental Studies. —Al Gore 

You have to be really stupid to get a “D” in anything at Harvard. —The Harvard Faculty

Even I didn’t get a “D” in any class at Harvard. —Trey Grayson

And I didn’t get a “D” in any class at Yale. —Dubya

If even one of our elected officials actually tells the truth on “Honesty Day,” that would really be “historic.” —Hurley the Historian

How ironic is it that only  two years ago we were at the Supreme Court in Washington, D.C. arguing for a politician’s rights to lie their asses off during political campaigns? —COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney And His Hairless Henchman Curt Hartman

If the Supreme Court hadn’t declared Sodomy Rites the Law of the Land last year, it wouldn’t have been our fault. —The Totally Gay Biased Fishwrap

How “Honest” was the Ohio Republican Party when we used all that donor money to attack TEA Party Patriots and Real Republicans instead of Disingenuous DemocRATS we were supposed to defeat? —Ohio Republican Party Boss Matt Borges  

How many lies do you think we had to tell when that committee from the Republican National Committee came to town to see how Cincinnati compared with the other five cities on the short list to host the 2016 Republican National Convention? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP

How honest were we last year at that  Forrest Gump School Board Meeting when we emerged from executive hiding and attempted to cover our asses for hiring “Smiling Dallas” Jackson in the first place. —Board Members Forest Heis, M.D.; Randy Smith; Jim Frooman; Julie Bissinger; and Tony Hemmelgarn

How many lies do you think we’ve told during the past few years? —The Stupid Streetcar Six (Clown-cil Members Flynn Flam,” Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback, and P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, and Wendell Young, along with Vice Mayor David Mann

Does anybody remember how the Reds promised to go wire-to-wire in first place last year, just like we did like when we won it all in 1990? —Nasty Boys Norm Charlton, Rob Dibble and Randy Myers

Ever since our little $300 million “Racino” opened in Anderson Township last year, we’ve always given suckers an even break. —Belterra Bankrollers

Please don’t ask why we were urging people to vote “No” on the Northwest Schools Levy last year. —Republicans for Higher Taxes

How come The Blower forgot to mention that Saturday is also “Hairstyle Appreciation Day,” which allows each of us to express his special individuality? —Steve Chabothead 

It’s “Save the Rhino Day” too, but we have our own sort of celebration in mind. —RINO Hunters of America    

If you think honest politicians are hard to find in Ohio, you should try looking for them in Kentucky. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

Maybe we’d get more news coverage for our campaigns in Kentucky if we called The Fishwrap and told them we supported Sodomy Rites. —Bluegrass Candidates

Tell us about it. ——Candidates in Ohio Besides Our Delusional Governor John Kasich

An honest politician is somebody with no over-taxed payers’ money to toss around. —Northern Kentucky TEA Partiers

Every week for years, we’ve featured quite a few dishonest people in my “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” newsletter. —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders

Everybody at my place claims he’s honest. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl

You can’t cheat an honest man. —W.C. Fields

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. —Mark Twain

How come when you get to be a semi-famous author like me, you don’t automatically get your quotes in The Blower? —Rick “The BatBoy Robinson

I was really surprised The Blower couldn’t find a way to work my name into Monday’s “Honesty Day E-dition.” —Eric “Call Me Crazy,” Deters

Please don’t remind people that the Kentucky Bar Association questioned my honesty. —$tan Che$ley

We weren’t too happy with you either. —UC Board of Trustees

Count us in there too. —Ohio Supreme Court

Now that the Cincinnati Reds have been mathematically eliminated for 2016, please ask Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball what he thinks of our chances this year. —Florence Freedom Fans, Waiting for Davey Conceprion Night on Friday, May 13

Some anchorbimbos I’ve written about even wonder if “Honesty” prevents cheating on your spouse. —Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel

If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then “Honesty” is next to impossible. —TV19’s Trish the Dish

Adulterous Anchorbabery used to be the most popular perk at our station. —TV5 News

         — Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

          Sometimes The Blower questions a person’s motives to show that dishonesty of any kind is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an elected official.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially philandering politicians.

DISHONEST POLITICANS HOTLINE

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Some cynically critical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our really cynically critical subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Liar Liar: And the Truth Shall Set You Free!

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