FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2016

Monday Is Political Liars Day

With our Feckless Fishwrappers continuing to ignore all those lies being told during the 2016 Primary Campaigns, every politician in America must be remembering Political Liars Day in 2014. Because that’s when the Supreme Court of these United States heard from the most qualified attorney in history argue for the right of politicians to tell lies during political campaigns.

According to Roll Call, the court’s decisions easing the flow of generous campaign contributions have already shifted the electoral landscape. Since the court found that even the most patently outrageous statements about candidates may not be barred by law, those two decisions combined have expanded the rhetorical battlefield of this year’s presidential elections and raised the attack ad volume as never before.

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

Why, it’s none other than COAST’S co-founder, Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney (shown ogling a mannequin), who actually argued for the right of all politicians to tell as many lies as they want during political campaigns before the Supreme Court on Political Liars Day in 2014. Did that mean anti-tax organization COAST’s Avaricious Attorney fully supported the RINOs in Columbus when they spent all that money to tell all those lies about Finney’s friend, “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman, COAST’s other co-founder?

And as one of the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team Members pointed out: Finney would no doubt argue that it’s not just a politician’s right to lie, it’s his duty.

How dare Ohio RINO Party Boss Matt Borges spend all that money to lie about Brinkman instead of using it to defeat Disingenuous DemocRATS. That was our job.

Even more curious for Blower readers to consider is that some people remembered when the very same Chris Finney used the Ohio Elections Commissioner process about lying during political campaigns against “Mean Jean” Schmidt.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting lying politicians (because without them we might have nothing to write about) selected Christopher P. Finney, Esquire to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose H.L. Mencken’s “Looking for an honest politician is like looking for an ethical burglar.”

SITTING AT A STOP LIGHT by Rhoades Rager

I was sitting at a Red light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn Green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half- burned American Flag duct-taped to the boot lid of their car and a “Remember 9-11” slogan, spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, “Allah Akhbar!” and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the intersection rand ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Thank God! That could have been me !”

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a bus driver.

“TEACHING MATH” by Whistleblower Education Editor Rod Sparechild

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

Teaching Math In 1950s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990s: A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s OK.)

Teaching Math In 2009: Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

Teaching Math In 2014: Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor’s property. He won’t have a gun to stop you, and the President says it’s OK anyway cuz it’s redistributing the wealth.

“MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE” by Ben Bliss

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress-$5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Finally, you can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

NICKNAMES: If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators…YEP!!!

MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it, and to the men who will enjoy reading it

AND A QUICKIE by Scott Scofflaw

I just received an audit on my tax return for 2012 back from the IRS. They are questioning how many dependents I claimed when I responded to the question: “List all dependents?”

I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.” Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I keep asking myself, “Who the hell did I miss?”

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

Stories We’re Working On

OBAMA FLIES TO EUROPE To Lecture World About Climate Change On Earth Day
SEVEN EARTH DAY PREDICTIONS that failed spectacularly
VA GOV GIVES 200,000 FELONS VOTING RIGHTS For Hillary’s
ISIS PLOT TO ENTER UNITED STATES Through Mexico
PRINCE TREATED FOR DRUG OVERDOSE Days Before Death?
KENTUCKY TO PICK CONVENTION DELEGATES Saturday
JOHN KASICH WISHES More Republicans Liked Democrats’ Ideas
Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most politicians in Kentucky planned to spend Earth Day next Tuesday:
            (A) Telling people how much they care about the environment: 2%
            (B) Wearing something green: 1%
            (C) Thanking Goof Doofus for retiring: 1%
            (D) Slinging mud: 96%

            Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, “Mean Jean” Schmidt, who was founf guilty of lying during her political campaign by the Ohio Elections Commission. Award Winning Photo Illustration Artis Conception shows us “The Lyin’ Queen.”

POLITICAL LIARS HOT LINE

E-mail your litany of lies today

Some untruthful items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally untruthful subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER LIARS LINK OF THE DAY

OBAMA’S LIES (Give or take a Lie or Two)

(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Dave Hatter, who has still not recovered from Bob Dole’s loss to Bill Clinton in 1996.)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.