FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 2015
Hillary’s Complete Campaign Clusterfuck
Hawkeye Bureau Chief Jan Mickelson remembers a year ago when Hillary Benghazi Clinton’s trip to Iowa really turned out to be the complete campaign clusterfuck The Blower had predicted, with reporters outnumbering supporters at every stop.
Joke Writers said it was the best campaign launch ever! Hillary’s campaign manager upstaged her orchestrated announcement on Twitter with an email, Hillary’s site went down for an hour, and a supposed typo in her announcement said Hillary “Fought Families and Children All Her Career.” Hillary’s new campaign logo quickly became fodder for more Social Media Mockery. Anti-Hillary Posters had already been seen across NYC and Las Vegas. Saturday Night Live really nailed it when they got an early jump on the news cycle with a cold open that boiled down Hillary’s expected announcement that she was running for president to the cold fact that for the Clintons, American democracy is a game played for the benefit of the Clintons.
Hillary’s presidential campaign was supposed to be about “Everyday Americans,” so driving to Iowa for her first campaign swing Monday, with two aides and Secret Service agents aboard, when Hillary’s “Mystery Machine” stopped at a Chipotle restaurant in Maumee, Ohio, a suburb of Toledo, Whistleblower Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says, “Nobody recognized her.” A Clinton Campaign Hack now claims Hillary’s ridiculous “Scooby Van” and the entire “Road Trip” Plan was all Hillary’s Stupid Idea. Best of all, Hillary’s only had two major flip flops (same sex marriage and illegal immigration) during the first four days of her campaign.
So Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than former Hewlett Packard CEO and wannabe GOP 2016 presidential candidate Carly Fiorina, who was always ahead of the curve exposing Hillary Clinton’s numerous vulnerabilities, and mainstream media reporters were starting to notice. What distinguished Carly from her Republican competitors in the 2016 Presidential Race was not just her private-sector experience or her pro-market policies, but also her increasingly pointed attacks on Hillary. We remember at last year’s inaugural Iowa Freedom Summit, Carly blasted Hillary for her lack of accomplishments. “Like Hillary, I too, have traveled hundreds of thousands of miles around the globe, but unlike her, I have actually accomplished something,” she said. “Mrs. Clinton, flying is an activity, not an accomplishment.”
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting Hillary bashers, is pleased select Carly Fiorina to be this week’s guest editrix and choose three items plus a few Hillary Jokes for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Carly’s “Hillary Clinton told us to trust her. Nothing in her track record suggests we should do so.”
“DAD, ABOUT YOUR WILL” by A Chagrined Conservative
A Garrulous Geezer was telling his swimming buddy we’ll call Bob Williams in the men’s locker room of the Lyons YMCA in Anderson who had just been oogling pretty lifeguards Casey and Alexis, “You won’t believe what happened last night…My daughter walked into the living room and said, ‘Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.’ “
“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that, she actually said…’Dad, meet my new boyfriend -Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hillary’s election campaign.
“GHOSTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE,” by Monica Lewinsky
When Hillary Clinton is sworn in as President in 2017 and will be spending her first night alone in the White House, she will finally be free from Bill and will have been waiting for a lifetime for this.
On the first night: Suddenly the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?”
Washington says, “Never tell a lie.” “Ouch!” says Hillary, “I don’t know about that.”
On the second night: the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Jefferson says, “Listen to the people.” “Ohhh! I really, really don’t want to do that,” Hillary replies.
On the Third night: the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears and Hillary again asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”
“A MONUMENT FOR HILLARY” by $tan Che$ley
I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton. We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall Of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband William J. Clinton, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest DemocRAT of them all. He left, not knowing where he was going and when he got there he didn’t know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on somebody else’s money.
Thank you,
Hillary R. Clinton Committee
AND A COUPLE OF HILLARY JOKES (We’ve got a million of them)
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: CHELSEA
Q: What is Bill’s definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
Today’s Stupid “Liberal Liar” Award Goes To…
Would you believe—Hillary Benghazi Clinton, who was trying to sound more like “Everyday People” on her Complete Clusterfuck Campaign Trip to Iowa when she lied, claiming, “All my grandparents were immigrants.” The really “Stupid” part of Hillary’s latest lie was that those kind of facts were so easy to fact check.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
Breaking News
Here’s An E-Mail We Just Received From Hillary
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Whistleblower Video of the Day
Ben Shapiro: Hillary Clinton Lies… A Lot
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