WEDNESDAY, APRIL 6, 2016
Miserable In Milwaukee
All three GOP contenders (Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and John Kasich as The Beaver) must be glad the Wisconsin Primaries are finally over, and it seemed harder for The Donald to make jokes last night, especially after he lost.
Meanwhile, Tuesday Night On Late Night TV
- After weeks of back and forth, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have finally agreed to hold a debate in Brooklyn next Thursday. You know you’re in New York when you have to argue over the date of when you’re going to argue.
- Next Thursday’s debate will be at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Bernie says he chose the location because of its history, while Hillary liked it because it’s remote, poorly lit, and close to the East River.
- Ben Carson said yesterday that Donald Trump knows about foreign policy just as much as the other candidates, but is not an expert on Russia. Trump was like, “That’s nonsense, I ordered half my wives from Russia!”
- During a rally last night, Melania Trump pushed back against claims that her husband is sexist, and said Donald treats everyone equally. She was like, “He treat everyone the same, whether they are supermodel, swimsuit model or lingerie model.”
- Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to work.
- In an attempt to win over Wisconsin, Ted Cruz said, “To be honest, I like cheese on cheese.” Of course when he was campaigning in Florida he said, “I like meth on meth.”
- The Hillary Clinton campaign believes that Donald Trump is going to go after her occasional “health problems.” Today, Hillary reminded Trump that being a woman over 40 is not a “health problem.”
- Meanwhile in the world of baseball, Washington National Bryce Harper received some flak for wearing a hat that says “Make baseball fun again” on opening day. The hat is a take on Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again,” and what better way to make baseball fun again than by reminding all of your Latino teammates about how Donald Trump wants to deport them.
- At a campaign event in Wisconsin yesterday, a 16-year-old boy threw an egg at Donald Trump but missed. And I can’t quite explain it, but somehow it hit Jeb Bush.
- Donald Trump said yesterday that acting more presidential would make his campaign “boring as hell.” Though if he gets elected, I suppose “boring” is the best version of hell we can hope for.
We didn’t see any new posters today, but these Conservative Cartoons are somewhat interesting. 
More Political Punch Lines Later on The Whistleblower Newswire
