SUNDAY, MARCH 27, 2016
More Politics Unusual
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken Camboo says he doesn’t have a whole lot to report this weekend, since none of his snitches has returned from ogling young women during Spring Break in Florida.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this day in 1998, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the drug Viagra, an oral medication that treats impotence.
OUR GOOD FRIEND BOBBY LEACH says, “Next to BB&BJ Day, all my old friends and I say Viagra Day at Morehead is our favorite holiday of the entire year.”
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Rodney Dangerfield’s, “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice so I don’t know if I’m coming or going,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says while Easter is not the most important holiday of the year for the majority of Americans, most plan on attending a church service to honor it. 39%) of American Adults continue to regard Easter, the day Christians believe marks the resurrection of Jesus Christ, as one of our nation’s most important holidays. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: Donald Trump is furious over an ad featuring a nude photo of Melania. Trump’s mostly furious because it’s the first time he’s seen Melania naked in years. The State Department is having to hire more staffers to review all of the requests that are being filed for Hillary Clinton’s emails. Or as Hillary put it, “See, I’m creating jobs already. I told you!” Hillary also targeted Donald Trump’s recent comments on foreign policy, saying if Trump gets his way, it will be like Christmas for Russia. Then Russians were like, “So, we all get potato in sock?”
Jimmy Kimmel said: Bernie Sanders was here on Tuesday and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is here tonight. They’re an interesting pair because they’re still competing with each other, but eventually we know they’re going to team up to stop the deranged billionaire who wants to take over the world. Which if you think about it is basically the plot to “Batman vs. Superman,” the movie. They spoiled it without giving an alert. If it comes down to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, if the vote was today, Trump would be in trouble. Clinton leads Trump in a hypothetical matchup 54 percent to 36 percent. While 68 percent of likely general election voters view Donald Trump negatively and the other 32 percent don’t have Twitter or television. Hillary Clinton travels with a good-sized entourage. She has Secret Service, personal aides, she’s got advisers, and she has a guy who takes care of her lizards full-time.!
Seth Meyers said: People on Wall Street are worried about the negative effects of a Donald Trump presidency. Also worried, people on every street. All the streets. Dr. Ben Carson appeared on “The View” this morning and when asked afterwards what he thought of, “The View,” he said, “Blurry.” The latest national poll shows Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are in an effective tie for support from DemocRAT voters. Not in an effective tie? Bernie Sanders neck. Last night, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani said Hillary Clinton could be considered a founding member of ISIS. That’s ridiculous, ISIS doesn’t hire women. That’s like their big thing. The super PAC supporting Hillary Clinton has already started reserving $70 million in TV ads set to air during the lead up to the general election. Of course, if all it took was ad time, this could be our president.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says Suburban Sluts in other the Tri-State neighborhoods were outraged last year when those wife-swapping bitches in Warren County were getting all that great free publicity. Trustee Andy Pappas says Adulteresses in Anderson asked if their actions weren’t just as atrocious, Steve Chabothead says Western Hills Wenches wished they could’ve been just as wicked, and in Northern Kentucky, Y’All Ville Mayor Blondie Whalen says Floozies in Florence also claimed to be fairly fast-and-loose.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #91 says you should turn up at your local Muslim outreach program by wearing an “I’d rather be Waterboarding” t-shirt.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “PROFITING FROM EXPERIENCE,” our three Corrupt Commissioners from Patronage County were recalling that time many years before they borrowed a county car to cross the Great Divide and join the overflow audience at the Gannett Foundation Distinguished Felons Lecture Series at Thomas More College. The star attractions were Watergate conspirator John Dean III and Senate Watergate chief counsel Sam Dash, reflecting on Watergate a decade earlier. This op-ed column was updated from the April 28, 1982 edition of the feisty Mt. Washington Press, personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN). Just in time to enjoy the warmer Spring weather, we found this in his “Turning the Other Cheek,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ready for Spring
Spring is finally here
Say goodbye to the snow.
So let’s break out the old Johnson
And let’s get on with the show.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says the March U.S. employment report and other key economic numbers next week could help U.S. stocks resume their recent winning path as long as that data hits the sweet spot: Not strong enough to add to worries about further interest rate hikes, yet not weak enough to cause concern about a recession.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and Bernie Sanders did not just win all three states that voted this weekend — Washington, Alaska and Hawaii — he won them by overwhelming, impressive margins. The presidential hopeful won every county in Washington, and some of his biggest victory margins came from the state’s most rural and traditionally conservative areas.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if it was hard to believe that Women’s History Month was almost over, since so far The Whistleblower has only been able to mention a smidgen of the worthy women we had wished to honor, including all those floozies Jerry Springer would still like to boink, Black Women Victims about to be evicted, Left-handed Lithuanian Lesbians, and young girls with Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break. “We’ve always treated women fairly in The Blower,” Kane explained “Some of our best Snitches are Bitches.”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (MARCH 28) we’ll be returning from Spring Break, and there will still be 298 more days of bad government remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (March 29) we’ll be asking our Feckless Fishwrappers if they’re still glad the endorsed Ohio’s Goofy Governor John Kasich for President, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers will tell us what they think of all that.
WEDNESDAY (MARCH 30) we’ll we almost ready to say good-bye to Women’s History Month.
THURSDAY (MARCH 31) we’ll be featuring our Annual “Mea Culpa” E-dition, and unlike politicians, when we apologize, we really, really mean it!.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (APRIL 1) LIMERICK IS “There once was an Old April Fool”
AND SATURDAY (APRIL 2) we’ll be checking to see if anybody’s standing in line yet to buy Reds Opening Day tickets.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially DOPEY REDS FANS!
Only Four More Days to Complain
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that were due on Ground Hog’s Day Eve. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what that might’ve looked like. Fortunately, you may still file a formal complaint with the Hamilton County Board of Revision until a week from Thursday on March 31, which is only eleven days away. 
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 
Today’s Whistleblower Video
What Liberals Really Think about the TEA Party
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