Friday, March 25, 2016

All Good Things Must Come to An End

        It’s hard to believe that Women’s History Month is almost over, and so far The Whistleblower has only been able to mention a smidgen of the worthy women we had wished to honor, including all those floozies Jerry Springer would still like to boink, Black Women Victims about to be evicted, Left-handed Lithuanian Lesbians, and young girls with Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break.

         Regretfully, we never did get around to honoring Republican women during Women’s History Month, since the Republican Party is proud to have played a leading role in securing women’s right to vote. When Susan B. Anthony defied the law and voted in 1872, she proudly voted the Republican ticket. She and other suffragists worked with her friend Republican Senator A.A. Sargent to introduce the 19th Amendment. And it took a Republican Congress finally to pass it in 1919.

        And although you’re not likely to hear it from any of those Obama Supporters in the Press, Republicans continue to offer a positive agenda for America’s women, as they work to create more job opportunities, lighten the tax burden, and reduce the cost of healthcare. GOP policy goals are driven by the desire to do what’s best for women—not by scoring cynical political points for free condoms, birth control pills and abortions.

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editrix:

          Why, it’s none other than Former First Lady Laura Bush, whom Hurley the Historian says was always a fine lady, even before she became First Lady, and without flourish or fanfare implemented many worthy initiatives focused on health, education, and literacy while she was in the White House.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting gracious gentlewomen we would’ve liked to have gotten to know better, is pleased to select Laura to be this week’s guest editrix and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Laura’s: “Maybe it is the media that has us divided.”

“GHOSTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE,” by Monica Lewinsky

When Hillary Clinton is sworn in as President in 2017, she will finally be disposed of Bill will be spending her first night alone in the White House. She will have been waiting for a lifetime for this.

On the first night: Suddenly the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?”

Washington says, “Never tell a lie.” “Ouch!” says Hillary, “I don’t know about that.”

On the second night: the next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Jefferson says, “Listen to the people.” “Ohhh! I really, really don’t want to do that,” Hillary replies.

On the Third night: the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears and Hillary again asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”

“WHICH SIDE OF THE FENCE,” Not Written by Jeff Foxworthy

If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test.

If a Conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one. If a Liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat. If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a Liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. If a Liberal is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. A Liberal demands that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. A Liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. If a Liberal decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Liberal will delete it because he’s “offended!”

Well, I forwarded it.

“POLITICALLY CORRECT” by Albert Einstein

I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let’s ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians.  If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60s alive. Gone. It’s offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men’s lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. It’s totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels, or the San Diego Padres.

hen there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. The Milwaukee Brewers—well, that goes without saying.

So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.

With all of this in mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women’s athletic teams to something other than “The Beavers.”

In God We Trust!  God Bless America!

AND A QUICKIE By Doctor Stifinger  

When a male applicant took the entrance exam for medical school, he was perplexed by this question: “Rearrange the letters: P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect.”Those who spelled SPINE became doctors.

          The rest are in Congress.

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

 Another Muslim Women’s History Month Moment

 A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance 
had gone out of their marriage.

“Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?” she asked.  

“Yeah,” he replied, “but be fair, you were only eleven at the time!”

Stories We’re Working On 

ISIS Has Trained 400 Fighters to Attack Europe
Obama Tango Doctrine Is A Disgrace
Good Friday Wasn’t So Good For Jesus
Ted Cruz’s Five Secret Mistresses
Another Campus PC Update
Liberals Can’t Stop Whining About SCOTUS
Fishwrap Considering Un-endorsing Kasich

 Whistleblower Web Poll           

This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they’d be doing instead of going to Church on Easter Sunday:

(A) Telling people they went to the “Early” service: 2%
(B) Hoping nobody asks: 1%
(C) Staying in bed and shouting “Oh God!”: 1%
(D) Hoping your friends from Church don’t spot you at the restaurant: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!FREE OPENING DAY TICKETS HOTLINE

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Some March Madness ignoring items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally March Madness Ignoring subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of the Day
Female Obama Supporter
(This is the ad that should have aired)

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