TUESDAY, MARCH 22, 2016
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
- Do you remember those ratings! A year ago on Sunday night, everybody in Warren County’s Hamilton Township must’ve been watching our “Sluts in the Suburbs” reality TV show starring their neighbors who “swap partners and engage in extramarital relationships as they go about their regular lives as parents, professionals, soccer moms and little league coaches.” —A&E TV
A&E TV even sent us a thank-you note for all of our help promoting the show. —Citizens for Community Morals President Phil Burr-Ass
We sent a letter to everybody in the news media telling them we were not a “Swinger Community,” but so far our letters are being ignored. —Horny Balls Home Owners Association
I wish I were still working at The Fishwrap, I’d have been paid for watching those sluts on TV Sunday night. —John Quichwarmer
The show centers on our “lifestyle,” after we instigated “swinging in the hood.” —Tony and Diana
Hamilton Township is situated in South Central Warren County. Our township provides the perfect blend of quiet, rural living and the conveniences of modern life. —Township Trustees David Wallace, Kurt Weber, and Gene Duvelius
No wonder we’ve heard about all those traffic jams in that part of the of the county recently. —Warren County Commissioners Tom Grossman. Pat South, and David Young
Our annual “Rating the Burbs” article consistently ranked Hamilton Township very high in community safety, effective school districts and home values. —Cincinnati Ragazine
Did a child really show a video of his slutty neighbors to other children on the school bus? —Whistleblower Gossip Reporter Linda Libel
Thanks for not mentioning how I was forced to resign in disgrace after I embarrassed my suburban community. —Disgraced DemocRAT Former MILF-ord Mayor Amy Brewer
Older Sluts in the Suburbs remember when Elvis Aaron Presley was inducted into the U.S. Army on Thursday’s date in 1958, The Pelvis said, “The army teaches boys to think like men.” The Blower remembers all the hype that story got back then. But can you imagine what it would be like today? —Hurley the Historian
It’s all just about what you could expect during the Devolution of our Culture throughout the historic Obama Administration. —The Conservative Agenda
Do you think those TV Reality shows are trying to attract viewers like us? — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, like the ones on Channel 5
Something else which appeared to have devolved last year was the level of customer service for Persons of Consequence on the Exclusive Whistleblower E-mail List who were unfortunately Fuse.net and Zoomtown.com customers, who hadn’t received their media advisories from The Blower for the previous six days, ever since we began mislabeling all communications from The Blower as “spam,” and we didn’t even have a telephone number to call and report it. —Cincinnati Bell (We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.)
Meanwhile this year on Spring Break at the Nude Beach in Florida, I’ve been personally working on a list of guys who took their wives and families to the Redneck Riviera, Naples, Destin, or Key Largo, just so they could spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. You’ll never guess whose names are already on that list. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
Maybe that’s why we chose Robin Williams’ “Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Are all of my snitches still on Spring Break, too? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
We’re not on Spring Break. It just always seems that way. —Northern Kentucky Legislators
Usually it’s a sure sign of spring when UK is playing basketball in the NCAA Tournament and UC isn’t. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall (Now heard on 220 radio stations, locally 1360)
But it’s Spring Break in Florida. The temperature’s warm, teenage tramps have gone wild, and thongs are particularly lovely this time of year. —Frank Weikel
Please add Venice, Florida to the list of places The Blower is watching guys who took their wives and teenage children on Spring Break so they can spend all day on the beach ogling young girls’ breasts. —Larry Laptop
Here’s a Spring Break Poem: What could be nicer, than a nice set of boobs? A pretty young girlfriend who just tied her tubes. —Odious Octogenarian Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves
Did you know some of our newer phones allow The Blower’s photos to come through? —Barry Blackberry
According to my countdown, after tomorrow there will still 360 more days until the next BB&BJ Day. —Horny in Hebron
When does The Blower’s 2016 Girls Gone Wild on Spring Break video come out? —Will “The Thrill” Terwort
Where’s our video? —Wilder Women
Do they have any videos of women faking it? —Uptight Bitches from Fort Mitchell
Does what happens on Spring Break stay on Spring Break? —Political Philanderers
Do guys still drink a lot on Spring Break? —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith and Michael Liquid Plummer
Spring Break is a great way to get a great tan in only one day.—Larry the Loser
Do guys get to eat a lot on Spring Break? —Clueless Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
I always used to go “crazy” on Spring Break. —Your Good Friend, Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
Come to think of it, maybe that’s what happened to my former patient. —“Crazy Eric’s” Crazy Psychiatrist
Trish the Dish still wants to know what BB&BJ stands for. —TV 19 News
She really knows, she’s just saying that. — WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)
And if all of that isn’t Newsworthy enough, Geezers looking for Major Yabbos on the beach should check out “The Makeover.” — Our Aging Attorney Acquaintance Still Searching For His Lost Youth And Vigor On Spring Break, Who Just Returned From Naples
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Sluts in Suburbia.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules old guys who take their wives and children on Spring Break to show that ogling young girls’ breasts on the beach is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a dirty old man.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Ollie Ogler.
SPRING BREAK HOT LINE
e-mail your Major Yabbo sighting photos today.
Some Spring Break items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Spring Break Watching subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER SPRING BREAK VIDEO OF THE DAY
(Possibly sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Addia Wuchner, Bluegrass State Representative, who doesn’t need a makeover)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
