SUNDAY, MARCH 20, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1854, the Republican Party was founded in Ripon, Wisconsin to oppose the spread of slavery into the western territories, and this year Obama is kowtowing to dictators in Cuba as part of his foreign policy legacy. If ever a guy needed a BJ, it’s the Worst President in History like Obama!
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Donald Trump’s slam when the real estate mogul first commented on the event on Twitter, mentioning that Raul Castro previously arrived at Jose Marti International airport to greet Pope Francis “and others.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says While Democrats move closer to unifying behind Hillary’s candidacy, the leadership of the Republican Party continues to struggle with the specter of Donald Trump as president of the United States. Support for all three of the remaining Republican candidates has grown with the narrowing of the field, but Trump still holds a double-digit lead over both his rivals for the GOP presidential nomination. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: It’s St. Patrick’s Day! So I just want to take a moment and thank all of you at home for passing out with your TV on NBC. The hacking group “Anonymous” has apparently declared war against Donald Trump. Of course, hacking him shouldn’t be hard, because if there’s anyone who just uses their name as their password, it’s Donald Trump. Ted Cruz was just featured in Us Weekly’s “25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me” column. And on the list he revealed that he was once bitten by an octopus at the beach and got “terribly ill.” Then the octopus said, “Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too.” John Kasich, fresh off his win in the Ohio primary, said that if you can’t win Ohio, you can’t be president. Then George Washington said, “What the hell is ‘Ohio’”
Jimmy Kimmel said: Here in LA we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day a little differently than the rest of the places. We don’t have pots of gold, we have pots of pot here. We call them medical marijuana dispensaries.
And Seth Meyers said: It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, “As a black doctor…”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 77 says: Instead of “Progressive,” always use the words “Oppressive” or “Regressive.” When called on this, feign puzzlement. “But how is it progress to steal free citizens’ liberties, money, and hope, and hand it all over to government bureaucrats?”
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “PRIMARY CONCERNS,” This week in Patronage County, Muck Raker, political columnist for the Patronage County Innuendo, was interviewing our three Corrupt Commissioners from Patronage County about the results of Ohio’s Republican Primary Elections on March 15. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (OUR ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN), THE BARD OF CLEVES, whose latest book, “Up Your Equinox” is available at better bookstores everywhere, except of course in Cleves:
Spring Fashions
The girls have started a fashion trend
Which I think is nuts
They drop their pants for some guy
To put a tattoo on their butts.
THE MUCKRAKER says it was a year ago tonight when A&E’s new reality series “Sluts in the Suburbs” was shown about neighbors and friends who attend parties as married couples for the purpose of switching spouses and having sex. Over at Citizens for Community Values, Phil Burr-ass said, whatever you do, Jesus will know if you’re watching. Some of the Sluts Neighbors sent a letter to all the media telling them they are not really a “swinger community,” but Philanderers in the Press were ignoring that letter.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Investors felt as if the world was going to end as January began. Bearish sentiment returned to historic highs as the S&P 500 opened the new year with its worst performance on record. Today this major index is now positive for the year:
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and one clueless protester at the Anti-Trump rally said she just wanted her FREE stuff from the DemocRATS. They don’t even know why they’re protesting. This young lady, at the end of the clip, said she forgot.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT TONIGHT’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane if he thinks Rush Limbaugh will keep going after Ohio Governor John Kasich on his radio program tomorrow. Maybe Rush will call Kasich stupid for saying he’d consider nominating Obama’s Left Wing Supreme Court Nominee Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court, but I hope he brings up Whow George Soros and his surrogates have donated over $700,000 to Governor John Kasich’s campaign.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (MARCH 21) we’ll be going on Spring Break, to avoid think about those 316 more days of bad government remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
TUESDAY (March 22) we’ll be staying up late to watch the Republican Primary results in Arizona and Utah, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers wondering how many delegates Ohio’s Goofy Goofy Governor John Kasich will need to clinch the nomination after that.
WEDNESDAY (MARCH 23) we’ll be checking to see if Spring really arrived when it was supposed to on Sunday.
THURSDAY (MARCH 24) we’ll be checking to see if any of our local colleges will still be playing in that March Madness thing.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (MARCH 25) LIMERICK IS “This month don’t forget Women’s History”
AND SATURDAY (MARCH 26) we’ll be checking to see if anybody’s standing in line to buy Reds Opening Day tickets.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially DOPEY REDS FANS!
Only Eleven More Days to Complain
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that were due on Ground Hog’s Day Eve. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us what that might’ve looked like. Fortunately, you may still file a formal complaint with the Hamilton County Board of Revision until a week from Thursday on March 31, which is only eleven days away. 
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Today’s Whistleblower Video
What Liberals Really Think about the TEA Party
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