TUESDAY, MARCH 15, 2016
Waiting To Hear All The Excuses
All day, the Counter on the lower Right hand Corner of The Whistleblower Web Page will be clicking off the Hours, Minutes, and Seconds until the polls close and Cruz and Rubio supporters and stop voting for Ohio Governor John Kasich in today’s 2016 Republican Presidential Primary in Ohio, while we were all sitting around the Whistleblower Newsroom trying to recall all those excuses legendary local advertising man Jerry Galvin had come up with many years ago to explain why people didn’t vote as part of his public service campaign to encourage people to vote on Election Day.
TOP TEN LIST: We couldn’t remember Galvin’s great excuses, but we did remember last year when we ripped off his idea to come up with our own Top Ten List of the Reasons to Stay Home on Election Day that went something like this:
10. Mattress Warehouse is having a big sale.
9. Typical lousy Greater Cincinnati weather
8. Nude transvestites on the Springer Show
7. Still “Undecided”
6. Term limits won’t undo the damage
5. Waiting for the really important elections in November
4. Busy begging for money to cover your own medical expenses
3. Avoid poll workers shoving campaign literature in your face
2. Confused about all those conflicting endorsements
…and the Number One Reason to Stay Home on Election Day is…you voted early.
…and the Number One Reason to Stay Home on Election Day is…you voted early.
VENDORSEMENTS: The Whistleblower does not make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. Unlike other publications, we present as many facts as we can find and trust that our readers are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision. And since we do not accept advertising, and have neither sponsors nor special interest groups to dictate their prejudices, we would not insult our readership by presuming that they are not bright enough to critically evaluate the candidates and issues on their own.
You can reread the classic “Vendorsements” column in the October 10 Patronage County E-dition originally published in 1982.
ANOTHER GUEST EDITORIAL BY BUNKY TADWELL: A word about voting. Stop it. Do not encourage these people. Year after year somebody has to have a voter registration drive. Look at what it hath wrought. So please, no more voter registration drives. We have too many people mucking about in the booth as it is.
Now about those candidates: They are saying more about nothing than ever before. One hapless buffoon is speaking in tongues or has elevated the art of gobbledygook to new heights. Another candidate claims he’s been working hard to earn re-election. Judging from his real accomplishments, this guy should be placed in a slower class.
Should we keep taking cheap shots at these people? Why not? Remember that the quality of our political candidates simply reflects our culture. They say and do nothing because the public wishes to hear nothing and have nothing done. It’s all crap because people are buying crap.
And if they do promise you something? They can’t give it to you unless they take it from somebody else. And if they take it from you, you can be sure you’ll be getting back less than you gave. Now for today’s poem from the Bard of Cleves:
Hot Air today, Cold Shoulder Tomorrow
What choice do we have on Election Day?
It really is a sin.
We vote to throw the rascals out.
Then throw more rascals in.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said everybody was waiting to see if The Blower’s Guaranteed 100% Accurate Prediction for the Kentucky Gubernatorial Race would indeed be 100% Accurate, so The CamBoozler asked the Magic Eight Ball eighteen different times, and the Eight Ball finally told him, “What do I look like, a freaking Crystal Ball? Plus, we don’t vote in our Presidential Primary until May 17 and that’s 63 days from now.”
FINALLY, HERE’S THE BLOWER’S BEST ADVICE ON EVERY ELECTION DAY
