WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2015
Great Schlongs in History
At this afternoon’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about that full-fledged “Schlong Truth” movement emerging from the Media Hysteria over Donald Trump’s use of the word “Schlong” Monday night, when Trump referred to Hillary’s defeat to Obama in the 2008 primaries, saying, “She was going to beat Obama. … She was favored to win — and she got schlonged. She lost.”
“Getting ‘schlonged’ has long been part of the American Culture,” Kane explained. “And as any graduate of the Forrest Gump School District can tell you, ‘Schlongs’ are right there in the Declaration of Independence.”
And sure enough, if was right there where Thomas Jefferson had written: “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Schlongs.”
And even the Pledge of Allegiance says, “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and Schlongs for all.”
Do you remember when Patrick Henry said, “Give me a Schlong or give me a death?”
Nathan Hale said, “I regret that I have but one Schlong to give to my Country.”
John Paul Jones said, “I have not yet begun to Schlong.”
George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down that schlong.”
Samuel Adams said, “Someday they’ll name a beer after me, and when they do, they’ll call it a Schlong.”
Daniel Webster said, “One country, one constitution, one destiny, and many Schlongs.”
At Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget our Schlongs.”
William Tecumseh Sherman said, “War is hell– without Schlongs.”
George Armstrong Custer said, “Where in the hell did all those Schongs come from?”
Woodrow Wilson said, “The world must be made safe for Schlongs.”
Will Rogers said, “I never met a Schlong I didn’t like.”
General George S. Patton said, “No bastard ever won a war dying for his Schlong. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his Schlong.”
FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but Schlongs.”
Douglas McArthur said, “I shall return– for a Schlong.”
Harry Truman said, “The Schlong stops here.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “I think that people want Schlongs so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have them.”
Albert Einstein said, “”The hardest thing in the world to understand is a Schlong.”
Sigmund Freud said, “Most of men’s problems can be traced to their subconscious feelings about Schlongs.”
John Kennedy said, “Ask not what you can do for your Schlongs.”
Neil Armstrong said, “A small step for man, one giant Schlong for Mankind.
Barry Goldwater said, “Extremism in the defense of Schlongs is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of Schlongs is no virtue.”
Vince Lombardi said, “Schlongs are everything.”
Ronald Reagan said, “My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin Schlonging them in five minutes.”
John Wayne said, “Life is tough, but it’s tougher without a Schlong.”
Rev. Martin Luther King said, “I had a dream about Schlongs.”
Bill Clinton said, “It all depends on the meaning of Schlongs is.”
Charlton Heston said, “Let my Schlong go.”
At every patriotic rally, Lee Greenwood always sings, “God Bless the Schlongs.”
George W. Bush said, “Schlongs Accomplished.”
And not to be outdone, Obama now promises, “If you like your Schlong, you can keep it.”
Whistleblower Video of the Day
His Schlong…Best Family Feud Answer Ever
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Whistleblower Video of the Day
His Schlong…Best Family Feud Answer Ever
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<iframe width=”640″ height=”480″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/dHZtmhlOAkA” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here