SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2014
The Blower Thinks It’s Just Great
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says fifteen years ago today, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 in Bush v. Gore. Next day’s N.Y. Times banner: “BUSH PREVAILS: By Single Vote, Justices End Recount, Blocking Gore After 5-Week Struggle.”
NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose William Howard Taft’s “Presidents come and go, but the Supreme Court goes on forever.”
MEANWHILE, the best way for all for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, to show their true devotion to the Obamas during the Christmas Season would just be to buy another Obama Christmas ornament to decorate their crappy Christmas trees, like this “Happy Holidays from Barack and Michelle” for only $15.98 (plus God only knows how much for shipping and handling). Just think, it’ll be just like “768 More Days of Christmas” during Obama’s second term, and best of all, proceeds will benefit Obama’s 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign.
MORE PARTY PLANNING: For those who are planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen attending Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at the Schmidt Run Estates at 771 Wards Corner Road, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the seventh verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by producers at “Saturday Night Live,” whose hilarious news parody made Ohio’s Second District Congresswoman a laughingstock all across this great nation when Rachel Dratch played “Mean Jean.” It goes something like this:
On the Seventh Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
Kind of warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it, Portman!
AND DON’T FORGET COAST’S CHINTZY CHRISTMAS PARTY THIS YEAR, where Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney is still making you pay for your own food and drinks. You’d think COAST Co Founder “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman would object, since it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep the spirit of a free meal well. And how about that $5 admission fee? How CHRISTmassy is that?
Now let’s all watch Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and The Blower Christmas Dancers show why they’re favorites at holiday parties all over the tri-state.
UNITED APPALL PEOPLE: Several times a week, alcoholic bartender Paul Puddler visits the John Gilligan Adult Diaper Replacement Clinic for People Who Can’t Stop Leaking, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies supposedly serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens, but mainly providing a paycheck to someone who couldn’t get a real job. Paul hopes the United Appall meets this week’s fundraising goal so he can continue to pick up his daily supply Depends. “I just want to be loved and dry,” says Paul. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
STILL IN A HOLIDAY MOOD, Adams County Historian Scott Seaman says “I love Christmas Lights, but they remind me of politicians! They all hang together, half the suckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.” Still, the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus says those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights in the Wheat Ridge Community are really spectacular this year. If only Ohio Second District Congressman-Elect Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s office had given directions for the opening ceremonies last Saturday, all those people wouldn’t still be driving around every night looking for the lights.
FREEBEE STORE NOTICE
TO ALL THOSE WANTING TURKEYS FOR CHRISTMAS
YOU MUST SHOW THE COOKED WISHBONE
FROM YOUR FREE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
TO PROVE YOU ACTUALLY COOKED AND FED YOUR FAMILY
WITH YOUR LAST HAND-OUT!!
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher about his Conservative Christmas Wish List. “The Dark Ages of Obama are continuing unabated, but here’s all I want,” Kane explained. “Obama: Impeached! Borders: Closed! Language: English! Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights! Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare! No Freebies to Non-Citizens! Also, a Balanced Budget Amendment, Tax Reform, and Term Limits for Congress.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to add to your Wish List,” somebody asked. “Sure,” Kane said. “I wish we won’t get 17 more e-mail copies of that “Conservative Christmas Wish List” I just gave you.
And REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Our Nine Five Clowns on Cincinnati City Clown-cil.
More Conservative Christmas Cartoons
COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE HOT LINE
e-mail your enormous empathy today
Some Holiday Spirit items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Holiday Spirited Subscribers
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
An Obama Christmas Carol (ANIMATED)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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