Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

The GOP is S.O.L.

          This week, everybody who realized local Republicans got exactly what they deserved on Election Day in 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015, but were not quite sure how they could ever correct their mistakes before the 2016 elections, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is noted political pundit Billy Bombast, who says the best way to win, is to have crooked cronies running your county board of elections, so they can count the votes over and over until your candidate gets elected, and then stop counting. 

Billy wins a BS Meter to put on his TV during all those political shows, a stuffed Alex T., Mall Cop GOP RINO-head trophy for his wall, and an engraved invitation to subscribe to the Special Whistleblower “Insiders” Edition. His winning limerick is:

          Is there help for the old GOP?
          Is there a candidate as Conservative as me
          They can all talk the talk
          But can they walk the walk
          Where’s the hope for just you and me?

          ”TaxKiller Tom Brinkman” writes:
          Is there help for the old GOP?
          If so, where can it be?
          I’ve looked high and low
          Even watched the Glenn Beck show
          But I can’t find any help for the old GOP.

          Anderson 2014 Co-Turkey of the Year Award Winner Andy Pappas writes:
          Is there help for the old GOP?
          Is there hope in the TEA Par-ty
          Palin has a pretty face
          But she couldn’t win a nasty race
          Is there help for the old GOP?

“Rick the Batboy” Robinson, who had been banished from Wednesday Night’s Graydon Head Holiday Party writes:
 Is there help for the old GOP?
 The left and the middle can’t be,
 When the Conservative base,
 Becomes its only face,
 It’ll be the “Grand Old Party” for me.

          Miss Vicki’s Escort, who showed up at the party wearing a bow tie she bought him, writes:
          Is there any help for the old GOP?
          Having been for so long on a liberal spree?
          Only TEA-partiers and birthers,
          Not those left-wing save-the-earthers
          Are the future of Republican esprit.

        Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders, who says he’s still not running for Bluegrass Lt. Governor, writes:
        Is there help for the old GOP?
        Or is this a one-party “democracy?”
        To fight the scourge of Obama
        And his Muslim buddies like Osama
        We should purge all our RINO debris.

The Robster’s Esteemed Father Bob Sanders wrote:
Is there help for the old GOP?
Well, just between you and me
If they stay so extreme
Then it really does seem
They won’t win the presidency.

NoKY Big Fish in a Small Pond DemocRAT Nathan “Cornbread” Smith, wrote:
Is there help for the old G.O.P.?
Ask somebody else, instead of me.
We won both damn houses
From us DemocRAT louses,
With Obama, how much fucking worse could it be?

Boondoggle County Judge Executive Gary Moore (who many people didn’t recognize at Wednesday night’s Graydon Head Holiday Party because he’d shaved his beard) wrote:
Is there hope for the old GOP?
Things look bleak and depressing to me.
But don’t think the Dems have salvation
For what’s ailing this nation,
Not with Obama and that bitch Hillary.

And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (It’s not terribly mean-spirited this time, but then, he’s a Republican):
Is there help for the old GOP?
Things don’t look so good to me.
The voters were drunk
And elected a slick-talking punk
And now we can all go piss up a tree.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“What if Santa turned out to be gay?”

MORE AWARD WINNING PROSE AND POETRY LATER