SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2015
This Sunday in America…
… at the Church of The Compassionate Conservative, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, the Right-Wing Reverend Charles Foster Kane was asking Political Parishioners to beseech God’s tender mercies on American workers on Labor Day tomorrow, since the latest Bureau of Labor Statistics jobs report showing a mere 94,031,000 Unemployed Americans are now out of the labor force (a new high), and the Participation Rate is stuck at 38-Year Low for third straight month.
Let us pray Obama somehow now remembers his meaningless campaign promise “to focus like a laser on jobs,” working night-and-day ensuring employment for every American who wanted to work during his first campaign sometime during the next 502 days, so Donald Trump will have one fewer fuck-up from the Obama Administration to begin to undo on Inauguration Day 2017.
AFL-CIO Organizers are praying for some really important big name speakers to blame Republicans at tomorrow’s Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Union Daze Picnic at Coney Island, but most of the Dumbed-Down DemocRAT Union Members are just praying for more FREE Stuff.
Religious Zealots at Citizens for Community Values are praying for that obscure Dumpy DemocRAT County Clerk in Kentucky who became the focal point of America’s 2016 Presidential Campaign because Kim Davis said her Christian faith wouldn’t allow her to issue marriage licenses to Sodomy Rites Activists and Conservative Commonwealth Icon “BeanBall Jim” Bunning’s little son David struck down Religious Freedom by sending Kim Davis to jail.
ACLU Members are praying people remember that it was a Conservative Republican Judge nominated-through-nepotism who jailed that idiot woman, not Liberals or people like themselves who believe “Freedom Can’t Protect Itself.”
And Kim Davis is praying she’s still getting paid for the days she’s spending in the Lesbian Lock-up.
Investors are praying Wall Street stays closed on Tuesday, after the Barack Market’s disastrous past few weeks.
Reds fans have been praying this season would be over for a long time, and Bungals Fans are praying A.J. McCarron gets a whole lot of playing time this year, after watching his performance during the pre-season this year.
Morris Furniture Customers are praying the Ohio State Buckeyes repeat as national champions by the same number of points (22) as in the January 12, 2015 game so they get their purchases free, but Morris Furniture Owner probably aren’t, and UC Fans are praying they see Alabama A&M on the schedule again really soon.
Right-to-Lifers are praying more people sign their petition to defund the Baby-Killers at Planned Parenthood.
Scared Suburbanites are praying they don’t get assaulted by roaming bands of Black yoofs at tonight’s Pollution Fest downtown tonight, since Channel 19 wouldn’t come up with the cash to broadcast the Western & Southern/ WEBN fireworks, because a neophyte out-of-Market TV GM like Debbie Bush didn’t know the history and heritage of what has been arguably one of the largest end-of-summer local-TV-ratings bonanzas in the entire country.
#BlackLivesDon’tMeanCrap Thugs are praying for more Black Criminals to be shot by White Police Officers to justify starting more riots during Obama’s Summer of Violence.
Cincinnati Police Officers taking part in the FOP’s Office Pool to predict the exact moment Cincinnati City Mangler “Baltimore Harry” Black will be offering Cincinnati’s Current Affirmative Police Chief Jeffrey Blackwell an offer to resign or be fired, were each praying to pick an “early time” on Tuesday.
And finally, we should all be praying for each and every one of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, because those people are so Incredibly Stupid.
Praying for those poor misguided people is really such a religious experience, the Right-Wing Reverend Charles Foster Kane explained: “Because every time you think about them, you search your soul and say to yourself, Jesus H. Christ, WTF were those stupid people thinking.”
