Friday, April 24, 2015
The “Fuck” Stops Here
This week PC Police at The Fishwrap still can’t stop blowing the whistle after Cincinnati Reds Manager Bryan Price set a National League record for the number of times a major league manager used the word “fuck” during his expletive-laden rant against a deserving member of the news media like C. Trent Rosencrans. Here’s the coverage in the New York Daily News.
Which is exactly why Your Quote for Today Committee chose George Carlin’s “Seven Bad Words you’re Not Allowed to Say on TV” (“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits.”)
But The Blower says it’s a good thing the Reds Manager didn’t say something “really outrageous.” Our Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston says you can’t imagine the media madness that would ensue if he’d been quoted calling one of his overpaid-and-underperforming Black ballplayers a “Lazy Nigger.” Alternate Life-styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis, along with Cincinnat Clowncil Gay Chris Squealback say he’d better not call somebody a “cock-sucking faggot” for striking out in the bottom of the ninth inning with the bases loaded to lose the playoffs. Meanwhile, over at The Fishwrap’s Idiotorial Board, you can’t imagine the hissy fit those sissies would throw if the Cincinnati Reds Manager ever declared he was proud to be pro-life, a Christian, or God forbid, a Republican.
Shown here is Bryan Price’s Line-up Card from Tuesday Night’s game.
So Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than noted wordsmith and esteemed etymologist Bryan Roberts Price, whose Ebonics lesson plan for inner city schools using the word “Fuck” as all eight parts of speech is an important reason our schools so successful these days.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting cunning linguists, is pleased to select the Cincinnati Reds Manager to be this week’s guest editor and choose a few news items where the word “Fuck” was actually an essential part of the story in previous Whistleblower E-ditions, plus a fucking Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
From the Thursday, March 10, 2010 E-dition
Conservatives are still shaking their heads after reading the front page of Wednesday’s Fishwrap. The headline for Jennifer Loven’s Dissociated Press story said DemocRATS jubilant at Tuesday’s White House signing of Obama’s Trillion Dollar Federal Healthcare Takeover Bill that a majority of citizens of the United States were solidly against. Buried on page A-6 was a brief mention of Joe Biden’s “This is a Big F*#cking Deal” remark when our Tourette Syndrome Spokesman introduced Obama. The Blower even showed you this video in yesterday’s edition. [ Biden to Obama at Health Care Signing: ‘This is a Big F*#cking Deal’]
BFD HOT LINE
e-mail your egregious expletives today
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by the Tourette Syndrome Association, for our continued understanding when some people can’t help themselves from saying “Fuck.”
From the Tuesday, September 17, 2013 E-dition
TUESDAY in our Special “Obama’s Syrian SNAFU” E-dition, The Blower said “Just Think, In Only 1,221 More Days All this Fun Will Be Over!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
“SNAFU” is a military slang acronym meaning “Situation Normal: All Fucked Up.” —Whistleblower’s Garrulous Grammarian Gerund Tadwell
From the Wednesday, April 9, 2014 E-dition
SODOMY RITES UPDATE: The Ohio ACLU says Judge Timothy Black’s same sex marriage ruling is a long-awaited development in equal rights for all Ohioans, but Republican State Rep-Tile John Becker reiterated his call for the impeachment of Judge Black. In a press release Becker said, “Judge Black should be kicked out of office and his butt buddy fag friends should all go fuck themselves – not each other.” That’s the problem with Becker. He’s too cautious and never says what he really thinks.
Meanwhile, over at Citizens for Community Values, Phil Burr-ass says he was not surprised at Judge Black’s ruling, but the people of Ohio voted 62-38 percent in 2004 defining marriage as one man and one woman. “The only way homosexual activists have any chance of forcing same-sex marriage down the throats of all Americans is through the courts, Burr-ass said. Ohio Republican Attorney General Mike DeWhine said he will vigorously defend the will of the people and appeal Judge Black’s decision, and is confident that the 6th District Court of Appeals will reverse Judge Black’s decision, unless Judge Mrs. $tan Che$ley gets the case.
From the Monday, July 14, 2008 E-dition
Coincidentally, last year on this date, The Blower was also reporting that Judge Ted Berry had told defendant Ivan Boykins “Fuck you!” in his Hamilton County Municipal Court. Add the son of Theodore M. Berry, the first Colored Mayor of Cincinnati, to the Fawning Fishwrap’s list of influential local Colored People currently celebrating the historic National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored People’s GOP-bashing Obama Rally in Cincinnati. And for only $12 each, we’re sure all those Obama-nators will be buying tickets to hear Judge Berry’s lecture on hate speech at the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center this week.
From the Thursday, October 10, 2013 E-dition
PAC MAN’S PICKUP LINES: How does Bungals Cornerback Adam “Pac-Man” Jones ever find a skank to go home with him at a bar when he forces women to attack him with a bottle by cursing at them and criticizing their bodies? At “Pac Man’s” trial, Assistant Cincinnati Prosecutor Christopher Ryan quoted what the female witnesses said Jones said to them: “Fuck you, bitch. You ugly bitch. You disgusting bitch. You fat bitch. You sloppy bitch.” The Blower can only wonder the reaction if “Pac Man” ever tried to get in Queen Noble’s pants. Oh, the Profanity!
From the Wednesday, April 18, 2012 E-dition
And did you hear what happened Saturday night at The Fishwrap? Metro Mole says Saturday nights are always hectic and these days the staff is less than skeletal. They had a story on some gay issue and some fool pulled a stock photo from the library. Prominent were two women, one holding a sign with an arrow pointing at her partner captioned “I fuck her.” Many thousands of papers were off the presses and on their way to UDF and Kroger before some hero saw what had happened and hollered stop the presses and impounded most of the offending papers. Wedgie Washburn got an avalanche of calls from outraged readers. She told her staff they should not discuss this with anyone outside, nor even among themselves (First Amendment notwithstanding). Maybe she should’ve said not to e-mail stories to The Blower, too.
And From the Friday, August 2, 2013 E-dition
Queen Noble, who should now get out of the race and save Cincinnati Over-taxed Payers some of that $400,000 cost for the 2013 phony primary election told Berns, “It’s very sad you let criminals pull you out of the race. I know you may feel you’re doing the right thing, but you are dealing with motherfucking criminals who don’t give a motherfucking damn about the public and the public who just don’t give a motherfucking damn. Don’t you see? For the most part the public ain’t no better than the politicians making the public sick. It’s about money or sex. The media does the brainwashing to wit the public believe everything they hear. I’ll be robbed of votes during the primary election but I have a plan for such. My children are still kidnapped by the motherfucking U.S. government and Obama is making fun in the effort of not quitting to expect a different outcome. Well, fuck Obama and any of those other motherfuckers robbing my family and election. Never quit with or without justice over here in this Goddamn stolen country.”
AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
You probably won’t believe this, but the telephone # for Obamacare is 1-800-FUCK YOU (I-800-382-5968). It looks like our Washington idiots finally got something right.
Don’t believe it? Take a minute to call before they figure out what they’ve done.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama’s Drone Strike Kills Americans- Tom Brady Skips White House Ceremony
- Tax Freedom Day Has Actually Arrives For All America Today
- POLL: Majority of Voters Think Untrustworthy
- NBC DC Bureau Strongly Opposes Brian Williams Return
- The Fishwrap Goes From Bad to Diverse
- Forrest Gump School Superintendent Found Hanging in a Tree in Anderson on Arbor Day
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most politicians in Ohio spent Earth Day on Wednesday:
(A) Telling people how much they care about the environment: 2%
(B) Wearing something green: 1%
(C) Ignoring Kasich-Taylor’s run for President in 2016: 1%
(D) Slinging mud: 96%
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Re-Distributing the Wealth
This week, everybody who thinks Obama’s plans to Tax the Rich instead of Cutting Spending is not the way to balance the Federal Budget, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted Conservative Economist Supply-Side Tadwell, who says, “Even if the ‘rich’ gets defined down to the top 10% of income tax filers — whose average annual household income is $114,000 — the level of revenue from even a 100% tax would still not close the budget gap.”
Supply-Side wins an “Economists Are Sexy” T-Shirt, a box full of Economics books from the Joseph Beth Bisexual Bookstore auction, and a really low evaluation for his house from our Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor, since property values have dropped dramatically from what properties had been assessed in previous years. His winning limerick is:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Or rather keep the poor on the floor?
The “job creators”
Are really the haters
Who keep their money offshore.
Our Conservative Curmudgeon says:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Does our national debt have neither ceiling nor floor?
What Obama is really spreading around,
Isn’t wealth, but manure, so we’ve found.
It’s just socialism through the back door.
TEA Party Tim says:
Do the rich really want to pay more,
Or is this part of Obama’s Marxist war?
Warren Buffett is all hot to shell out;
Does he want us to think he’s a good Cub Scout,
Even though all his assets are offshore?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still working on his taxes):
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Why, just axe Obama, he’ll say “Sure!”
He gets it free anyways
Why should he care what he pays?
We can’t wait till we show him the door.
“Tax the rich,” the socialists say!
“We don’t care what they have to pay”
But if they took all the richs’ money,
It wouldn’t make a dent, Honey
The problem is government spending, OK?
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Well, according to liberals, sure!
But don’t jobs come from the rich?
Use your head, you sumbitch!
You’re not gonna get hired by the poor!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Here’s what happened to the Reds this year”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, “Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine. Award Winning Photo Illustration Artis Conception shows us DeWhine on “Secretary’s Day,” when he was a Sniveling Senator in Washington, ogling his aide Jessica Cutler, who blogged her dirty little secrets on the web. Also shown is Jessica’s picture in Playboy. Doesn’t anybody but The Blower remember the Jessica Cutler scandal?
BOGUS GOP WAR ON WOMEN HOT LINE
E-mail your liberal lies today
Some untruthful items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally untruthful subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER LIARS LINKS OF THE DAY
DemocRATS Guide to the Republican War on Women Explained
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Susan Waidner [1,239 Friends, 117 Mutual, including Gena Bell and Amy Murray], who says she supports The Blower’s “War For Women.”)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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