Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Good Morning, Morons!
Now you can be the first of your friends to buy a crappy early pass for the Stupid Streetcar. A $25 card will allow you unlimited streetcar rides for the first 15 days of service; a $50 card will allow you unlimited rides for the first 30 days, and $100 will allow you unlimited rides for the first 60 days of service. There are 750 $25 cards available, 400 $50 cards and 350 $100 cards. If all of the cards sell, it would only raise $73,750 for the boondoggle. Whoop De Do!
TODAY’S LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES AWARD will undoubtedly go to Embattled healthcare consultant Jonathan Gruber who said he “was not the architect” of ObamaCare in prepared testimony for the House Oversight Committee, and the runner-up award goes to
Obama’s Race-Baiting Sidekick Al Sharpton, who says the epidemic of Black men abandoning their families is the government’s fault for not giving them jobs.
- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Yesterday, Judge Jeanine said Obama and Eric Holder, far from ending racial animus, have recreated it and even re-invented it. Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson, as usual, have been right there to prolong and exploit every incident and tragedy. [WATCH IT HERE]
CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says cases for those #Ferguson Fabricators in Cincinnati trying unsuccessfully to compare their illegal protests with the Boston TEA Party, are all in the pretrial stage. Janaya Trotter is representing a number of them, one of them hired a guy from Columbus, and two of them have public defenders. Maybe they should stand along the highway holding “Pants Up Don’t Loot” signs between now and Kwanzaa.
And with all those sports celebrities wearing T-shirts wearing saying “I Can’t Breathe” to show how traumatized they are by those Grand Jury rulings, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says with the way Andy Dalton and the Bungals stunk up Paul Brown Stadium last Sunday, it’s a wonder the fans weren’t wearing “I Can’t Breathe” sweatshirts from the smell.
- AND JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW FAR OUR CULTURE HAS DEVOLVED during the Age of Obama, today we have a Liberal Group’s Christmas Video featuring little girls dropping “F-Bombs” to attack Republicans. The Blower says it’s not the first time far-left group FCKH8 has used swearing children to push their liberal ideology.
BOEHNER BULLETINS: A race horse owner in the Ohio district that Speaker of the House John Boehner represents has honored the longtime congressman by naming one of his new horses “Weeper of the House,” according to The Daily Advocate. Boehner, by the way, has broken his pledge to give Americans “at least 72 hours” to read every bill taken up by the House before it is brought to a vote on the floor as House and Senate negotiators race to finish a $1.1 trillion spending bill so lawmakers have enough time to vote on the package and avert a looming government shutdown on Friday. The Blower says there’s little chance of any shutdown by our bi-partisan tax-and-spenders, but that doesn’t stop Dishonest DemocRATS from using the “threat of a shutdown” as just another fund-raising ploy.
FOOLS IN SCHOOLS: The Daily Caller reports earlier this week, American Federation of Teachers president Randi Weingarten took time out of her busy workday — for each of which she receives a princely $1,380 or so — to warn America that Walmart is selling “delicious” ham for Hanukkah (at the low, low price of $6.99 per pound). The problem with the union honcho’s Facebook post was that she fell for a ridiculous hoax. Snopes.com, the vital website specializing in urban legends and Internet rumors, flatly debunked the claim that Walmart was selling hams for Hanukkah — way back in 2009.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1901 the first Nobel Prizes were awarded to those, who, during the preceding year, conferred the greatest benefit on humanity. The Blower says maybe this year, the Nobel Committee should repossess the one Obama won in 2009, for making a series of speeches in the first months of his presidency, which convinced the Peace Prize Committee that he was: “creating a new climate of…multilateral diplomacy…an emphasis on the role of the United Nations…of dialogue and negotiations as instruments for resolving international conflicts…and a vision of world free of nuclear arms.” Do you think the Nobel Committee regrets that press release?- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose P. J. O’Rourke’s “The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke – albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it.”
TRACI’S TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS: As The Blower predicted, on Tuesday, kindly old Judge Nadel declined Tuesday to allow Convicted-and-Sentenced Black DemocRAT Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter to remain free while she appeals her felony conviction and jail sentence, so Traci’s Criminal Attorney Clyde Bennett II is high-tailing it to the Court of Appeals, which by the way had its own rulings ignored by Judge Traci, so it’s not a sure thing that she won’t have to spend a few days in the hoosegow while the wheels of justice grind ever so slowly on her pitiful appeal.
Trial-Watching Troublemaker Tino Delgato says, “Mark my words Judge Nadel will regret not sending Tracie Hunter DIRECTLY to jail upon sentencing. You can be sure she will try every trick in the book to avoid going to jail on December 29. Count on her showing up late if at all. It is odd that her current lawyer Bennett is not representing her versus the Ohio Supreme Court and their contempt charges for ignoring their orders that she file an affidavit that she is in compliance with their orders that she not practice law until they say so, or hell freezes over, whichever comes first. Go Figure!!!”
MEANWHILE IN ANDERSON, did folks watching re-runs of last month’s Trustees Meeting noticed any similarity in the way all those whining White people in the suburbs were trying to convince Trustee President “In Russ We Trust Jackson,” TEA Party Trustee Andy Pappas, and Forrest Gump School Tax Hike Scammer Trustee Josh Gerth not to close down Anderson Cable TV and the way all those belligerent Black Traci Hunter groupies were trying to keep Judge Mrs. $tan Che$ley’s Legacy out of the slammer? And why would anybody want to shut down a loser operation like the township’s public access TV station? How much money is Anderson Cable TV costing overtaxed payers anyway?
WHISTLEBLOWER 2014 FALL INTERNS JOSIE, ZACK, BRYAN, AND MITCHELL say 24 years ago, when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over town, Issue # 29 published on December 11, 1990 featured then-Mayor David S. Mann’s “Vision for Cincinnati.” Let’s all check out how his eyesight is holding up these days.- CONSERVATIVE CURMUDGEON STU MAHLIN says he’s surprised Cincinnati City Clown-cil didn’t unanimously support Chris Squealback’s “Fabuous idea” of paying old 2014 parking tickets off with 10 cans of food. Temporary government payrolls would skyrocket and kick the door open for continued job opportunities in the municipal sector. Regulations would have to be written: What SIZES of cans of food would be acceptable? What CONTENTS would be acceptable? What PULL DATES on the cans would be acceptable? How would ticket payers pack their cans? Would they provide an inventory when they showed up to pay their tickets? Where would all the cans of stuff be stored, even temporarily? What City department would take custody of the cans and assure their safe transport? Would transported items be inventories when offloaded to assure full delivery (asparagus would be no problem, but what about corned beef?).
Workers would have to be hired. Supervisors would have to supervise. Accountants would have to account. Auditors would have to audit. And the Enquirer would have to, well, INquire. Could this idea be extended to regular payment for regular city services — for example, water and sewer services? And to the county for real estate taxes? And to passage on the STREETCAR when it begins to run? The spinoffs of this are endless.
And just to prove how competent The Fishwrap is, it spent two whole pages relating that ordinance didn’t pass and what its provisions would’ve been if it had passed—and they actually call the place they work a newspaper.
AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES: The Blower remembers 52 weeks ago when Republicans for Higher Taxes condemned what was then the latest homophobic attack against Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback.
This year, Republicans for Higher Taxes is applauding Wyoming City Council for unanimously approving a 25% Income Tax hike for their lucky residents. This money is needed so the city can find their next restaurant to subsidize with over $700,000 in over-taxed payers funds. We hear Mahogany’s is looking for a new home.
FROM FLORIDA, Punta Gorda Bureau Chief Rank Feickel shows why you don’t put Christmas lights on a Palm Tree.
In a related story, The Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus, is still getting complaints because Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Office failed to give people directions for those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights located near suburban Seamen, no matter how you’re supposed to spell it.
THE WHISTLEBLOWER REPERTORY GROUP has a new member in its latest video showing the Whistleblower Elves in Congress when Santa isn’t watching. Can you guess his identity?
Now for those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman at Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at the Schmidt Run Estates at 771 Wards Corner Road, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the fifth verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by Lt. Colonel Danny Bubp-kis, about whom “Mean Jean” lied on the floor of Congress and wound up as a laughingstock on “Saturday Night Live.” It goes something like this:
On the Fifth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
It’s really beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, isn’t it, Portman.
- Now here’s an update on that problem plagued Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All our Freaking Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The Freaking Holiday Party
I have no freaking idea what this damn announcement is all about. What the hell do I care? I KNOW what I’m going to get. You change your address now and you are dead! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!
Vegetarians? I’ve had it with you people! We’re going to keep this party at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your freaking salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right now!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you miserable bastards!
Patty, The Bitch from HELL!
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Governor Steve Beshear was named to the DemocRAT National Committee’s “Loser Task Force” to assess the party’s strengths and weaknesses ahead of future elections. Do you think the Bluegrass DemocRATS’ choice of Alison Wondergams Grimes to embarrass the Party on the 2014 U.S. Senate Campaign had something to do with it? Lest we forget, Beshear is the idiot who decided in November 2009 to rename the state’s Christmas tree the “holiday” tree. He quickly figured out that he’d screwed up and reversed himself.
Maybe Beshear could’ve asked for a few holiday decorating tips from our old friend “Blackjack Brian” Richmond, who spent all weekend putting up these Christmas lights on his house, except but The Blower thinks Bashful Brian really should’ve asked for a little help.
Brian, who used to work for our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders, says he can hardly wait for The Robster’s Eighth Annual Christmas Party on Friday, December 19, at Jer Zees Pub and Grub at 708 Monmouth Street in Newport, especially since The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) events are being combined.
FINALLY, Horny in Hebron says he never misses is the Annual World Orgasm for Peace Day Orgy at the Fort Mitchell County Club, co-sponsored by Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell and the Northern Kentucky Cougars’ Association. That godless pagan event is on December 21, just in time for Druids to celebrate the Winter Solstice.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Race-Baiters.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
HOLIDAY PARTY HOT LINE
e-mail your engraved invitations today.
Some party crashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally party crashing subscribers
WHISTLEBLOWER CHRISTMAS VIDEO OF THE DAY
Say “Merry Christmas!”
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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