Friday, September 19, 2014
Ridiculous Ruling Rules
Last week the Culture of Obama’s America devolved even further into the abyss when Tim Black, the same Liberal Whacko Judge who ruled in favor of Same Sex Marriage, also ruled in favor of COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney’s case to allow those same politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns.
Black’s ruling was “The answer to false statements in politics is not to force silence (by forbidding lies) but to encourage truthful speech in response, and to let the voters, not the Government, decide what the political truth is.”
And who are the people who’re now supposed to decide what the political truth is — those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice? God save the Republic!
Our Feckless Fishwrappers, who agree with all of Judge Black’s Liberal Rulings, say, “What’s the hurry? We still have 46 more days until the 2014 Elections to begin reporting about all of Finney’s Fibbers, who’re already taking advantage of their legal right to lie.
Finney says, “The ruling will save over-taxed payers money, because this is 90% of what the Ohio Elections Commission does. They’ll soon be out of business.” Finney ought to know, because of all those hours he billed filing complaints against “Mean Jean” Schmidt and testifying in Columbus before that same Ohio Elections Commission when that Lying Bitch failed to tell the Truth about one of Finney’s clients.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Ohio Elections Commission Director Phil Richter, who suddenly has a whole lot of free time on his hands, with nothing else to do than dream of all of Finney’s Falsifiers not currently being held to account for all their political prevarications.
“Just wait till the weekend before Election Day when politicians know they won’t be punished for their campaign lies,” Richter explained. “How’s a candidate supposed to get the truth out when his opponent attacks him with a million dollars worth of lies at the last minute?”
Which is why The Blower is honored to choose the underworked Mr. Richter to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items that have absolutely nothing to do with political lying plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors that you probably won’t see reported in your Morning Fishwrap.
- “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL” by Boomer Esiason
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.
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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”
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A University of Mississippi football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
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What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “
“Will the defendant please rise.”
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If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the South Carolina football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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What are the longest three years of a University of Florida football player’s life?
Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.
“TESTING YOUR BRAINPOWER” by Doctor Dementia
I’ve seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I’ve seen it with numbers.
It’s a good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD, you have a strong mind.
And better than that: Alzheimer’s is a long, long way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you. (Keep Staring at the text below.)
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
To my ‘selected’ strong-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with ‘yes’ in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting!
If you can read this, you have a strong mind, too. Can you read this? Only 55 people out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the only iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
If you can raed this, frowrad it.
- “HOW TO RELAX” by Josh Weitzman
In case you are having a rough day, here’s a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so clear that you can make out the face of the Congressman you are holding underwater.
See it worked. You’re smiling. You feel better already.
- AND A QUICKIE By Michael Harlow
Essential difference between Liberals and Conservatives is that Liberals could not exist without Conservatives defending their freedom and support them economically.
Conservatives, on the other hand, could exist live quite well without Liberals.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama Looking for “Moderate Terrorists” to Arm- Kerry Mocked in the Senate
- Only 33% of Americans Can Find Scotland On a Map
- Boehner and Pelosi Unite to Fund Obamacare
- What Cincinnati Cops are really calling “The Chief”
- UC Football Players Arrested After Shooting
- Mahogany’s Still Closed
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said people waiting for the Autumnal Equinox in Cincinnati next Tuesday:
(A) Rooting for St. Louis this weekend: 2%
(B) Listening to the Blacked-Out Bungals on the Radio: 1%
(C) Doing the “Gay Chicken Dance” at home: 1%
(D) Wondering if this is the weekend we set our clocks back: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is Obama’s Clueless Secretary of State John Kerry, who said “We do have a Strategy To Defeat ISIS, but we can’t tell you what it is,” when he testified in front of the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations Wednesday afternoon, looking a lot like he’d been Separated at Birth from Stan Laurel.
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Cheers for Beers
This week, everybody who wonders how they can call it Oktoberfest if it’s in September, faxed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Floyd Schnitzelflogger from Florence, KY, who likes Oktoberfest on Mainstrasse in Covington better, because at the one in Downtown Cincinnati this weekend, not as many girls will show you their breasts.
Floyd won his own Porto-let, a chicken to dance with, and a copy of this year’s “Girls Gone Wild” tape made at the Mainstrasse Village Pub. His winning entry is:
It’s Time Once Again For Oktoberfest?”
And its timing is really a mess
Always in September
Is what you gotta remember
Although it is called OCTOBERfest.
A Dishonorable Mention from our Good Friend Bobby Leach
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
That excuse to chug suds and keep abreast
Of all things mammarian. So let’s squeeze some jugs
As we give lots of hugs,
And chicken-dance with those of ample chest.
Jeff Ruby writes
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
When you can wear lederhosen undt ein leather vest
You can guzzle the suds,
In your fake German duds,
But remember to avoid that sobriety test.
“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman writes
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
Mit lager undt chicken dances, it was the best!
Ve know der Queen City is Kraut,
But isn’t this beer fest worn out?
Gott in Himmel! Can’t they give it a rest?
Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson writes
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
A festival that beats all the rest
There’s Krauts in short pants
And the rubber chicken dance
They’d love you to come as their guest!
And here’s a dishonorable mention from Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis:
At Oktoberfest you’re allowed to drink beer,
And dress up in real German gear.
You can wear lederhosen
And Birkenstocks to put your toes in,
But if you bend over, you better cover your rear.
And this Five-stanza Limerick from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked):
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
Mit sauerkraut, brats and the rest.
Cherman guys in short pants
Doing the lederhosen chicken dance
Believe me, I don’t want to be a pest.
But why don’t we have an event
Where money on beer is not spent.
There’s whiskey and wine
And tequila so fine
And on those we can spend every cent.
Now as far as my limericks are concerned
Some people’s dislike I’ve earned
I try to be nice
But take my advice
Be careful, ’cause a poet can get burned.
By some I am loved, by others I’m hated
To a moron I’m occasionally equated
But my poems are my art
Even though I’m not very smart
I just want my poetic license reinstated.
So I’ll say “Auf wiedersehn,” my friends
This is where my limerick ends
Enjoy Oktoberfest
My critique is in jest
I’ve been there in my lederhosen Depends.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When the Reds didn’t clinch the pennant this year”
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our September fund-raising drive from Oktoberfest Zinzinnati, which we will not guarantee you might hear something about during the upcoming weekend.
IGNORING OKTOBERFEST HOT LINE
E-mail your alternate activities today
Some Aryan Supreme items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Aryan Supreme subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Gay Mr. Sulu Leads ‘Gay Chicken Dance’ at Oktoberfest 2013
(Sent in Gay Chicken Dancers of Cincinnati and approved by both Judge Tim Black and Senator Rob Portman)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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