Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Gentlemen, Start Your Slinging!

Monday’s Meaningless Union Day Speeches marked the traditional beginning of the fall negative political campaign season, and we can only imagine what we’re going to see and hear during the next 62 days.

Does The Blower intend to do its part? You bet! As the official voice of the Conservative Agenda and the publication of record for all the political scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in the Tri-State, our readers know to expect nothing less.

THIS SUMMER IN ONE SENTENCE (From Wall Street Journal Columnist Bret Stephens): “Islamic State terrorists seized Mosul and massacred Shiite soldiers in open pits, Russian separatists shot down a civilian jetliner, … Bashar Assad’s forces in Syria came close to encircling Aleppo with the aim of starving the city into submission, a brave American journalist had his throat slit on YouTube by a British jihadist, Russian troops openly invaded Ukraine, and Chinese jets harassed U.S. surveillance planes over international waters.” And that doesn’t include … Gaza, Ferguson, Afghan elections, or U.S. Boots on the Ground Back in Iraq.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR SPOILED SPORTS EDITOR ANDY FURBALL says that doesn’t even include the Cincinnati Dead Machine, Bryan’s Bunglers are now only eight games behind the Cards and the “Tragic Number” The Blower’s been counting down is now only “18.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1777 at Cooch’s Bridge, Delaware, the American flag was flown in battle for the first time during a Revolutionary War skirmish. Amazingly, according to PMSNBC, Obama’s picture was not on that flag.
SODOMY RITES ACTIVISTS BEN DOVER AND PHIL MCKREVIS say today, Kneepad Liberals in the Press promoting the Liberal Agenda are blaming “Homophobia” because the St. Louis Rams couldn’t even find a place on their 10-player practice squad for Gay defensive end Michael Sam, that Obama called to congratulate when he was the last NFL player in America drafted.

And when Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Lovely Lori Viarswrote “Conservatives dump Portman over gay marriage,” she saved the best for last when she wrote Both social and fiscal conservatives are hungry for leaders who, as President Ronald Reagan said, paint in bold colors, not pale pastels. Portman has chosen to align himself against the Republican national platform and 61.7 percent of Ohio voters. In a purple state, Portman is painting not in red or blue but in pale hues – in this case, lavender.”

REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES are upset that a loving brother and sister in Georgia were arrested for incest because they chose to have consensual sex in a church parking lot. They believe this is discrimination, and that once we get “Marriage Equality,” this type of relationship will be recognized as equal. Equality means equality, and everybody’s in favor of equality, right?
THE CINCINNATI MESS (You Only Read About in The Blower): Liz Rogers’ Mahogany’s reopened temporarily on Saturday after the restaurant’s vendor permit had been stripped last week for unpaid sales taxes, and Cincinnati City Clowncil Members are having a little trouble finding people to donate the operating costs for that Stupid Streetcar they promised, almost as much resistance as they’re getting from Soreheads in the Suburbs when they’re asked to support Cincinnati’s Crumbling Icons like Music Hall and the Museum Center.

And when Cincinnati’s Backstabbed DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley told WLW Hate Radio Trash-Talk Show Host Bill Cunningham, “We don’t have to run the streetcar every day,” Outraged Over-Taxed Payer Tino Delgato said, “This idea is like the NHL and NBA owners lockouts. The owners said they saved money by not playing the games and not paying players’ salaries.

Plus if they never use the street cars, they will last much longer. Here is a thought: DO NOT buy any street cars. Buy a FEW hybrid busses that run on tires. This might prove the concept. FYI Covington and Newport will buy those hybrid busses if the concept does not work. Gee what novel idea suggested by this author four years ago.

This proof of concept is used by REAL businesses. But then again most clown-sale members never ran a business let alone had a real job in the private sector. Go Figure!!!”

UNION DUES AND DON’TS: Was Monday’s Union Day Picnic at Coney Island a nothing-burger or what, when the only “important” person Fotogaphing Fishwrapper Leigh Taylor could find was Jim TarBall, a Doomed DemocRAT Write-in Candidate for County Commissioner. With all the state-wide DemocRAT candidates in rout-step retreat, it’s no wonder new Cincinnati AFL-CIO Boss Pete McLinden told Cindi Andrews “organizing big-name speakers is time-consuming, and he has only been in his new job for two weeks. Besides, big names distract from families.”
ALSO IN ANDERSON: With only 62 days until the 2014 Elections on November 6, there’s no need for “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman to start campaigning just yet. “TaxKiller” has been coasting ever since he beat State Rep-Tile Peter $tautberg, whose opposition to Common Core landed the TEA Party its only true Statehouse victory in May’s Republican primaries when Brinkman cleaned $tautberg’s clock 54% to 46%, despite the Ohio GOP’s Million Dollar Smear Campaign.

Do you think Brinkman will even show up at tonight’s meeting of the Anderson Township Republican Club (including Newtown and Mt. Washington)? Club President Josh Gerth is supposedly lining up a “cavalcade of speakers” to provide the club updates on local, county, and even national topics. Expect to hear from county party leadership on elections, newly elected ward chairs, Township Economic Development, Forrest Gump School Board, and more. It sounds like one of the most boring meetings in Anderson GOP history. Similarly, boring Republican Club Meetings will also be going this week all over the Tri-State.

IN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo is proud to announce another scooping ahead of The Fishwrap. Campbell County TEA Party Leader JR Roth has a not-so-good experience in a recent court appearance. He has an appeal, but our court experts believe this Library Plaintiff might be heading to the pokey. That’s right, old JR sued the Campbell County library to destroy the Kentucky Library System by reversing funding tax rates. His “plaintiff” team includes more TEA crazies like Erik Hermes and even a county commissioner candidate, Charlie COACH Coleman. As you can imagine, old coach is trying to lay low and whistle past the graveyard on this one. There was a funny YouTube video out there using a Hitler movie and closed captions written for the Campbell library haters.

In other news, the Campbell County TEA party/libertarian hopefuls did not get their unofficial GOP recognized by the state. So now they have named themselves the Campbell County Conservatives and the Campbell County KY Republican Party. A bit nutty, but they like having multiple names for multiple personalities. They really want to be like Boondoggle County whacks Goofy Gaspard, Kooky Kunkel, and Silly Sparks. The Blower recently uncovered an email sent by Campbell TEA Prez Erik “I only like public projects when I get the contract” Hermes, stating they were having a meeting with the new Vice-Chair of the county GOP, Deb “I wear the pants” Sheldon-leader of the District Chair Troy Sheldon household. This came as a shock to the real and legally accurate Vice-Chair Winnie Stine. We are waiting to see if they advertise another meeting with fake chair “Silly Sandy” Shaw. The real chair Jeff “RINO Killer” Kidwell said if they have violated some statute, he will turn it over to the Attorney General. You can bet your ass on this one folks, these guys aren’t laying down like they did in Boondoggle.

Speaking of a severe lack of truth, word is Kentucky U.S. Senator Rand Paul’s staff has revealed a much better understanding of NoKY since they got a new guy to lead that office.

The post-Fancy Farm reports seem to indicate that Beavis Bevin might actually declare his intention to make a run at the Governor’s mansion. Here is the funniest part, he may choose Troy or Deb Sheldon as his running mate. Word has it that Nutsy Rogers (yes, the one that works for Massie), Crazy Nolan, and Clerk Taunya “Don’t Call Me Deeelight anymore” Nolan-Jack have advised Bevin simply to allow both to run with him.

Bevin’s 25-point loss to Bitch McConnell in the GOP Primary was listed yesterday as the Washington Post’s #2 most disastrous campaign of 2014 — so far.

We are working on more stories and a special investigation of the “Coach” Coleman race where sources indicate he might have someone on his campaign team with legal baggage and not in a good way.

At press time, our Marvelous Muckrakers discovered that Deb Sheldon has now decided to resign as phony vice chair, since her husband was not able to get the state party to recognize the phony party. We have also beat The Fishwrap again by learning that the KREF report for the 4th GOP district shows them in the red by over $9,000. Is that even possible? NoKY GOP donors are not happy. And yes, district chair Troy Boy Sheldon is holding the bag.

WHISTLEBLOWER 2014 SUMMER INTERNS Olivia, Damon, Wyatt, and Tristan say 23 years ago, when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over town, in Issue # 66 published on September 3, 1991 Edition’s our “Really Big Story” was the 1991 Campaign Kickoff, along with a message from the publisher. If we were lazy, we could’ve used that same message today.
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” AWARD goes to Obama himself, who claimed “If I Worked For A Living “Busting My Butt… I’d Join A Union” at Milwaukee’s Laborfest.
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says 73% of American Voters worry about Obama’s lack of a Strategy to combat the radical Islamic terrorist group ISIS. Do you think that includes any of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice?
HAS OBAMA FAILED HISTORY 101? Victor Davis Hanson says “Obama’s naive belief in predetermined history — especially when his facts are often wrong — is a poor substitute for concrete moral action.” [READ MORE HERE]
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Aldous Huxley’s “That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history.”
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how badly Obama’s screwed up the country. “Here’s one example,” Kane explained. “Obama was given detailed and specific intelligence about the rise of the Islamic State as part of his daily briefing for at least a year before the group seized all that territory this summer, and you can expect more of the same during the 869 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining in the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.

Now let’s all imagine President Reagan’s Response to the ISIS Threat. [READ IT HERE]

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Campbell County Republicans.

Today’s Best Conservative Political Cartoons

LIBERAL AGENDA HOT LINE

e-mail your additional Liberal Agenda Items today.

Some really cynical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really cynical subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

How Reagan Might Respond to a Threat

Sent in by The Reagan Library.

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Now That Summer’s Over” E-dition