Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

In this week’s Opening Statement, I said “Yes indeed, you need to be worried about Iraq, especially after Obama’s premature pullout before the mission was complete.” —Judge Jeanine
What do you think the chances are that we’ll be raising our prices at the pump? —Greedy Gasoline Dealers
Mark my words. Those Terrorists don’t have the ability to overrun Baghdad, but we’re evacuating our embassy anyway. —Obama’s Doofus Secretary of State John Kerry
Hillary’s “Reset Button” should’ve been called a “Repeat Button.” —Mitt Romney
And where was the Community Organizer while Iraq was collapsing? Teeing it up in Palm Springs, of course! —Conservative Actor James Woods
95% of Illegal Immigrants flooding the border say they came for Obama’s New Amnesty Promise. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Speaking of Amnesty, did you see us protesting outside the Queen City Club Monday when the Republican National Committee held a fundraiser with featured speakers Former Florida Governor Jeb “Fighting for Amnesty” Bush and Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman? —TEA Party Patriots
Do you think those Disgruntled DemocRATS will be protesting when I hold my fundraiser for Hillary? —Cincinnati’s Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley
On this date in 1972, the Watergate burglars were arrested. Do you think G. Gordon Liddy would mention it today, if he still had his radio show? —Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose Liddy’s “Obviously crime pays, or there’d be no crime.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Which Is Worse? Nixon’s missing 18 and a half minutes of audio tapes or two years worth of Obama’s IRS Paid Liar Lois Lerner’s supposedly lost e-Mails? —Pajamas Media
You could always compare Watergate to Benghazi. — Bob Woodward (famous Washington Post reporter and former antagonist of President Richard Nixon)
If Obama is the Disease, Impeachment would be the Cure. —GrasstopsUSA.com
The Republicans are pusillanimous pussies, they don’t do anything about it. —Wayne Rogers, Famous For His Iconic Role As “Trapper John” On The TV Show M*A*S*H
ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS: June 20 is the last day to pay their Second Half 2013 Hamilton County Property Taxes (jacked up by our Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor) and any taxes paid after that date will accrue a penalty and/or interest; and failure to receive a tax bill will not avoid such penalty and/or interest. —Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering
Are Republicans actually offering me any opposition during the next 143 days until the November Elections? —Hamilton County’s Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor
We understand there are a great many signatures on that petition asking that an appropriate portion of a road in Anderson Township be designated as a memorial highway, to honor PFC Petkovsky, one of the other heroes of that “Three Against A Thousand Raid.” —Anderson Township Trustees
All those things The Fishwrap said Monday about how Bluegrass Congressman Thomas Massie votes “No” on stupid laws were the exact same things they said about me for eight years when I was in the Ohio Legislature last time, and I intend to do more of the same when I return after the election. —“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman
Those idiots think saying “No” is a bad thing. —Thomas Massie
In this week’s address, Obama wished America’s dads a happy Father’s Day and underscored the crucial role fathers play in our society. —White House Spokeswomen
During Obama’s Devolution of America, Obama trying to teach young black men how to be good fathers would be like OJ Simpson trying to tell you how to be a good husband. —Deadbeat Dads
What’s the definition of “mass confusion?” Father’s Day in the hood! —Over-the-Rhine Council
Father’s Day was Sunday,A time that was truly his. But the trouble with the kids today,Is that they don’t know who “he” is. —Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves
In Kentucky, isn’t Father’s Day the same as Uncle’s Day? —Uncle Clem CamBoo
On Father’s Day, it’s always a great time to be invited to a big picnic. —Weight Gainers Members Marc Wilson and Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich
On Father’s Day, it’s a great time for your children to buy you a drink. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
On Father’s Day, one of my children gave me a Mobile Phone GPS Tracking system. —Horny in Hebron
On Father’s Day, do you think I should tell people I’m a father too? —Goof Doofus
On Father’s Day, I always remember all those times my dad caught me in the bathroom. —Eldon Pudpuller
On Father’s Day, Eggs Benedict wasn’t the only thing I didn’t get at home. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
On Father’s Day, I got a card from my son Jason that said “Thanks for not pulling out.”—Bobby Leach
On Father’s Day, it’s a good time to spend time with your families. —Cheaters in Northern Kentucky
On Father’s Day, it’s just another day for The Fishwrap to get scooped by The Whistleblower. —Amanda Vanda
Where was all that damn Goettafest coverage you promised? —Mainstrasse Merchants
When did you say Confederate Father’s Day was? —Trish the Dish at Channel 19 News
I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality. Now I need your donations so I can practice some fearless investigative grassroots journalism. —Ben Swann

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Joseph Hall, who still isn’t reported to have voluntarily returned to the Kenton County Detention Center since he walked away from a work detail on May 28, last scarfing down goetta last weekend at Mainstrasse.

—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower ridicules absentee fathers to show that abandoning your children is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Deadbeat Dad.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially absent Black fathers.

DEADBEAT DADS HOT LINE

e-mail your informative information today.

Some family values items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally family values subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Sarah Palin ~ “Let Allah Sort them Out” ~ Faith & Freedom Coalition 2013

(Sent in by General David Petraeus, Former Commander of the U.S. Forces in Afghanistan.)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Still Letting Allah Sort It Out” E-dition