Saturday, October 19, 2013
And Thank God This Week Is Finally Over
MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL: Who’re the biggest losers of them all? It’s not John Boehner, whose Shutdown Endgame some people are calling “The Final Spasm of a Corpse.” It’s not RINO Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell whose price for surrendering to Obama was a $2 billion earmark for some dam pork barrel spending in his home state of Kentucky that Conservatives are calling “Bluegrass Backstabbing.” It’s not all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Followers in All Fifty-Seven States, because they’re still blaming George Bush.
Actually, The Blower says The Biggest Losers are all those American Over-Taxed Payers who didn’t bother to vote Obama out of office last November. At least it’ll give them something to think about throughout the 1,189 days of the Dark Ages of America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).
- MEANWHILE, OBAMA SAYS “SCREW BIPARTISANSHIP!” If Republicans want to change my policies. They first have to ‘win an election.’ I won. Deal with it.”
- AND OBAMA SUPPORTERS IN THE PRESS ARE BUSY BLASTING AWAY: The number of Mainstream Media Stories blaming GOP for Shutting Down the Government: Shutdown: 41. The number blaming Disingenuous DemocRATS was Zero. At the same time, Obama Apologists covered so-called Shutdown Victims over ObamaCare Victims 100 to 1.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says all eleven Southwest Ohio Republicans have signed a letter protesting Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor’s plan to expand Medicaid via the state’s seven-member Controlling Board. Would Ohio’s Republican Governor really be violating Ohio law and the state’s constitution by accepting federal money to expand Medicaid under the ObamaCare?
- CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET SAYS THERE ARE THREE BIG STORIES AT THE HAMILTON COUNTY COURT HOUSE THIS WEEK:
First, Judge Traci Hunter is demanding different private lawyers, saying the ones Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters personally picked out for her aren’t good enough. Our Ditzy DemocRAT’s claim of “ineffective assistance” is hilarious because she’s not an indigent criminal defendant (even though she deserves to be), and besides those guys just saved her ass. Firooz Namei and James “The Rock” Bogen just sweet talked the Court of Appeals into granting them a unanimous summary judgment against The Fishwrap. Jack Greiner, if you don’t tell anybody, we won’t. As usual, The Blower has all the details.
Then there were the long-awaited results of that Performance Audit for New Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil. Whistleblower Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and Retired Real Police Chief Tom Streicher blasted Neil’s predecessor Semper Si Leis for his “Failure to Modernize Operations.” The audit makes it clear that Semper Si’s 25-year reign-of-error was made possible by smoke, mirrors, and absolute secrecy. Our Senile Former Sheriff was so obsessed with building his memorial jail mausoleum that he let the rest of the place fall apart. But it’s funny Scott and Tom didn’t suggest improving the New Sheriff’s Media Relations. That lackluster story by Sharon Coolidge and Perry KimBall in Friday’s Fishwrap should’ve been a full-front page expose on Sunday, instead of buried on Page A-8.
Maybe it’s because everybody was waiting to see what happened Thursday night when Hamilton County Deputies finally cleared out those homeless guys who’d sued Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil to make sure their constitutional rights to crap on the courthouse steps were protected. Not even Liberal Judge Mrs.$tan Che$ley would buy that argument. Are there no Portolets?
Extremely Liberal DemocRAT Mayoral Candidate Foxy Roxy should invite these guys to crap on the City Hall steps, but Disguised DemocRAT John Cranley says if the city wasn’t building a streetcar, these smelly people wouldn’t be homeless.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES:
Trolley Folly Update
The streetcar project stumbles on
With the cost forever rising.
Understanding how council thinks
That fact is not surprising.
AND HERE’S THIS WEEK’S UNITED APPALL PERSON: Jack Mehoff is a part-time busboy at Jeff Ruby’s Carlo & Johnny, who for the past three years has been a twice a day volunteer at the Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien’s Mobile Sperm Bank in Anderson Township. Mehoff likes United Appall because it allows him to feel like he’s giving something back to the community. “It makes me feel so good,” Mehoff says, “Thanks to you and my dog-eared collection of Hustler magazines, it’s working.”- ALSO IN ANDERSON: The Anderson Township Veterans Memorial Committee reports besides pigging out on Skyline Chili at the Anderson Center at 5 PM on Veterans Day, Bill Cunningham says Freeloaders Pretending to be Veterans can also stop by Golden Corral any time between 4-9 PM, where they’ll be giving out Veterans Day free meals to any person who has ever served in the U.S. military or is on current active duty. This includes retirees, veterans, National Guard or Reserves.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Bitch McConnell has now offered an early surrender for Obama’s January 15 Budget Battle in only T-Minus-87 Days and counting by promising that repealing ObamaCare would never be used by Republicans again to bring the federal government to a halt. Matt Bevin says, “Now will I be getting that endorsement from the Boondoggle TEA Partty?”
According to the Washington Post, the Senate Conservatives Fund, which has suggested it might oppose Scandal Plagued Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell in a primary next year, alleges McConnell got a bit of sweetener in the Senate’s plan to reopen the government and extend the debt ceiling.
THAT SEEMINGLY MODEST 35-PAGE BILL approved by Congress and signed by Obama to raise the debt ceiling without anybody reading it, is packed with billions in additional spending — including a vaguely worded allocation of more than $2 billion extra for an ongoing Ohio River dam project.
Ironic Ike says McConnell’s Kentucky Kickback Project crosses the river into Obama’s Illinois. The Senate Minority leader is from Kentucky. The President is from Illinois. Is it just a coincidence this $2 billion in pork ended up benefitting only those two states? And what about Boehner—the only thing he got out of the pork load was the pig’s ass, and the name of the Ohio River.
- SOCIAL CALENDAR: Check your datebook, Persons of Consequence. Miss Vicki wants to know if everybody’s received his invitation to her Annual Hoity Toity Halloween Party this year.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was reminding the group of political insiders not to forget today was Sweetest Day. Hurley the Historian said everybody should’ve remembered, because it’s always celebrated on the third Saturday in October. Our Quote for Today Committee said we should’ve remembered Ogden Nash’s “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” Boss’ Day, on the other hand, is a non-religious holiday celebrated on October 16. Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis said it would be great if Sweetest Day and Boss’ Day fell on the same day, especially if your boss is gay? Our Good Friend Bobby Leach wanted to give that special someone a “Pearl Necklace,” if you know what we mean. [CHECK IT OUT HERE] And Kane said whatever you do, don’t remind them about that time Edgar Watson Howe said, “A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.” And then the fight started.
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
SWEETEST DAY GIFT IDEAS HOT LINE
e-mail your romantic notions today.
Some really romantic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really romantic subscribers.
LINK OF THE DAY
1965: ‘If I Were the Devil’ (Warning for a Nation) – Paul Harvey
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.